(Supposedly)true story reported by an English guy who was stopped and asked to give a breathalyzer test.
The English guy lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was extremely drunk ..
The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech the English guy replies; 'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding, and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers.'
'Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a corbieres, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres.'
'Then to finish off during the celebrations.... and (hic) during the evening ...me and my mate downed two bottles of Johnny Walker's black label.'
Getting impatient the gendarme warns him; 'Do you understand I'm a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test'?
The Englishman with a grin on his face replies; 'Do you understand that I'm English, so is my car, and that my wife is sitting in the other seat, behind the wheel?'
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Chattanooga to do a show at the Shrine Circus & he didn't want to be late. The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling acts and if he would do a little juggling for him he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the trooper he had sent his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got out 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good ol' boy from Alabama got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door & asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.........
The drunk replied, “You might as well just take my ass on to jail,..... Cause there ain't no way in hell I can pass that test.”
Ha ha! Reminds me of the time I was driving our car with my other half in the passenger seat talking on his phone. Gendarmes came up behind me, overtook and waved at me to stop. Then one of them realised that there was no steering wheel in front of OH. I think they were blushing when they waved me on.