By the way talking of bullying- by teachers!
Well there was a strike wasn't there? Never been on one myself.
I am sure plenty of teachers are very good everywhere but as in most professions there are the less good ones. Teachers along with quite a few other state employees always put the case for better wages, conditions, pensions etc than others in the private sector, plenty of whom don't do very well even after taking enormous risks and end up with small pensions. That may be corrected with the new rules on pension contributions, but as one who made private sector contributions to have them severely reduced without compensation I find myself in a very different situation than I would have done in the state sector.
Having educated children of my first marriage privately in the UK I was very satisfied but at a cost that most people including me can't now afford, whilst my young daughter is in a village maternelle here in France and we are also satisfied. Sure there are a few minor problems from day to day but I can tell you so far NOTHING LIKE the things that went on at school in my time. Generally parents in those days just didn't know what went on unless they had been at the same school.
Incidentally I currently help financially support SOS Education here in France! So maybe I do appreciate good teachers especially ones who don't strike!
Not sure quite what your point is here. I'm a teacher, working in an international school in the south of france, and I work an average 60 hour week, as do all my colleagues, in all the different international sections. This is not a private school, but a French state-run International College and Lycee (google College or Lycee Internationale de Valbonne). I can guarantee you that we all work damned hard, and our students too. We work evenings, we work weekends, and we work through our holidays. This is true of teachers and of our students. There are a lot of big issues that always need defending in education, and currently Education Nationale teachers are facing thousands of job cuts, that means bigger classes for all students, that means rural primary schools having to have more mixed classes, that means secondary school classes with over 35 students, and sometimes up to 40 students at lycee level. I think given how passionately my colleagues, whether French education nationale, Spanish, Italian, Russian, British, American, etc all are about giving students a world class education, i must ask you to clarify upon what evidence you base your rather flippant remarks here.
Our experiences of bullying are that it's pointless trying to get help as the teachers close ranks and ignore it.
My son was used as a free educational assistant in English lessons, helping the french sudents with their english or required to sit quietly, bored. When he had enough of this he became disuptive and was branded a trouble maker for the rest of his college schooling, whilst at the same time, being bullied mercilessly by a group of romany travellers who no doubt used the fact he was english as an excuse to take the endless heat off themselves.
My son hated school in rural france and subsequently gave up with it before he entered Prèmiére at lycee, even though he passed his brevée. His Principal was a bully and nothing I could do or say would illicit any co-operation on any issue from any of the staff other than one or two helpful sympathisers. I even joined the school as a parent member of the conseil de classe, to show willing, but this was also useless. I asked during one meeting, if they would allow a badly failing pupil to do a higher level of art classes, because it was clearly the only subject of any interest to her as she had the best marks of all her class in it and the lowest in all her other subjects. They just laughed at me, with the usual 'that's not how we do things in France, Madame'. My son had his property vandalised, things stolen from his bag, and was regularly threatened by the headmaster for 'looking shifty'. My son used to cry regularly and started making silly excuses not to go in... usually stomach ache.
Nothing was ever done, even after I complained and wrote to the schools departement supposedly to handle serious complaints.
If I had hindsight, I would have argued my case harder (though am unsure how) and I'd have sought out and sent my son to the most internationally biased school possible, even if it meant sending him away -ALL boarders get grants here? if you have a low income and a good reason ie.being foreign
and I certainly would not waste time arguing, just change schools if you get any trouble as arguing seems to make the situation worse. I think they don't like criticism and they close ranks against it. by 'they' I mean most teachers in France. Am sorry to seem so negative, it's just that I would advise moving schools with a clear understanding as to why, with the new schoolL
A bit of a tangent perhaps, but read this bulletin put up by Marta Santos Pais, UN Special Representative of the Secretary-General on Violence against Children (Marta is a friend, so I get a lot of these. This one includes bullying):
20/11/2013
Violence and abuse, troubled family relationships, tensions at school and bullying top list of reasons why children and young people seek help
NEW YORK, 20 November 2013 – Ten years of data from telephone records, emails, text messages and chats compiled by Child Helpline International (CHI) show that children and young people around the world contact helplines for support with violence and abuse, peer relationships, psycho-social and mental health, and family conflicts.
The Voices of Children and Young People, a report released today to mark the 10th anniversary of CHI, a network of 173 child helpline members operating in 142 countries, provides data and analysis drawn from a series of regional studies.
“Child Helplines have been helping children learn how to take control of their own lives and resolve their problems as best they can,” said Nenita La Rose, Executive Director of CHI, “but few of us understand the scale of the challenges children face. What we are presenting today is a sort of social barometer – an eye-opening glimpse into what is really going on in the lives of children and young people.”
The report outlines both the traditional problems children and young people have always faced, and the new challenges in their lives arising from changing social environments.
“Violence robs children of their wellbeing and their hopes for the future. Helplines for children are a critical connection that enable children to be heard and be helped,” said Martin Mogwanja, Deputy Executive Director of UNICEF, which supports helplines in many countries. "That help is literally just one call, one SMS or one email away – responding to the real violence, real threats and real fears of children, in real time.”
Over 4 million children and young people reported to CHI some form of violence, physical, emotional or sexual abuse, and violence in the last decade. Violence and abuse remains a constant, serious issue in all regions.
“Children exposed to violence often do not know where to go or whom to call to report abuse and seek help and assistance to overcome the trauma they have suffered. For this reason, a priority of my mandate is to promote safe, child-sensitive and accessible mechanisms to support child victims,” said Marta Santos Pais, Special Representative of the Secretary-General on Violence against Children. “This valuable new report is testimony to the trust children place in helplines and provides a sound reference to support countries in their efforts to build a world where violence against children has no place.
Child helplines received 1 million contacts for help to deal with problems at school. Along with general concerns such as academic problems and performance anxiety, children and adolescents experience violence and abuse committed by their teachers and peers. Bullying is a significant problem globally, the report notes.
Europe (46%) led in the number of contacts to helplines, followed by Asia-Pacific (31%), Africa (14%), Americas and Caribbean (7%), and the Middle East and North Africa (2%). The majority of children who contacted child helplines were between 10 and 18. Most contacts were made over the telephone. However children are increasingly using other means of communications, such as online chat, email and text messaging.
The report found that children are willing to share their concerns and fears once they trust a system or mechanism. There has been a steady increase in contacts to helplines over the 10-year period, indicating that children and young people trust the helplines to give them information, support and care. On average, the number of contacts increased five per cent per year per helpline.
Data revealed in the report include:
• Of the calls received, child helplines in the CHI network followed up on 41 million contacts
• Over 4 million children and young people reported a form of abuse and violence (physical, emotional, sexual) – representing over one in six contacts made to child helplines across the world.
• Immediate or extended family members commit 58 per cent of the physical abuse reported.
• The majority (60 per cent) of abuse and violence cases are reported by girls.
• Over 1.5 million contacts were made by children and young people reporting school-related problems.
• Teachers and peers have been reported to be perpetrators of most school-related abuse and violence.
• Over a quarter of school-related problems are due to bullying, most of which takes place on school premises.
• Almost 4 million contacts were made by children and young people struggling with family matters, including parent-child relationships, parents in conflict, divorce, separation and new or blended families.
The event “Can you hear us now” to launch the report will be broadcast live on http://webtv.un.org/ from 13.15 hours (US Eastern Time).
- See more at: http://srsg.violenceagainstchildren.org/story/2013-11-20_929#sthash.PQYbFhZE.dpuf
My main reason for putting it up is that looking at UN figures and reports, which always rely on 'official' data therefore are always underestimates, one finds France appears to be sitting on its hands doing little. This report simply shows that the issue itself is receiving attention at the highest level and teachers pretending to be the aggrieved parties has got to be stopped.
So what alternatives are you offering?
You can't complain today anyway. The teachers are on strike! Having had two weeks holiday they need a bit of a rest.
I agree. This is why it is so sticky!
I fully agree Mike. I'll always exhaust the reasonable route before resorting to being unreasonable. Escalation to the next level is all too often the only recourse one has with officialdom in all countries but this is a bit more sensitive because if I blow out my Mayor he can only come after me, if I blow out a teacher then it's my kiddy in the firing line.
I totally agree. However my daughter in generally very confident ( I think this is part of the problem)and it is only recently after relentless taunts that I have noticed an effect on her. She relates far better to adults than children these day and that is a concern too but, I think it is because these days she finds them easier to talk. People comment on how well behaved she is, what good manners she has and how she can hold quite intelligent conversations. That is also a concern. She is intelligent enough realise what is going on with the bully but cannot handle it emotionally. Listening to her helps, as this takes away her emotional anxiety at that moment in time, I have tried to capitalise on her confidence by saying that if the children laugh at her she should use this as a tool to get them on side. By sometimes playing the clown with it and showing them that it doesn't not bother her in the hope that they will get bored. It is so difficult to strike a balance.
Yes Clare, this is very tricky and I know if it was my daughter how worried and impotent I'd feel. There is no excuse for bullying so the bully being "annoyed" doesn't wash. Was the other parent sympathetic? Have you spoken to the bully's mum. If so what was the response, if not do you think it's a good idea?
I think changing schools is the last resort and hopefully not on the table yet. I only mentioned it because it had already been raised.
I take on board what you say John but, I have tried the softly invite in the past the quiet word in the teachers earn followed by a polite letter and this is why we are now at the tough stage. I spoke with a parent this evening and apparently the bully has said to her daughter that she finds my daughter annoying because she is at time confident in class especially with English. That is no excuse for her behaviour towards my daughter. Imagine how frustrated my daughter is with her French, which is the main subject she struggles with but she doesn't pick on the bully because she is confident in French. All her other subject are top of the class or equal top of the class. Sadly I think tat this si part of the issue. The bit a bout changing schools, I have debated over on over but, why should my child leave the school because of a bully. I have discussed this with my daughter and she knows that she has done nothing wrong. It was her that requested it in the first instance. But I did not want to give in to her request because I didn't want her to just run away! that is not the answer either ans who is to say in will not happen in the next school. It is a very sensitive juggling act.
ah ah ah nice saying...this is probably why the French have such long midday lunches...:)
:)
I quite agree with John's advice...
Perhaps as a new teacher, the teacher needs help in her classroom? Its tough juggling all the balls when someone begins.
Clare, My advice is keep cool and keep things in perspective. There's a lot of fairly radical responses here.
I was bullied at around the same age as your daughter but in late 1950s South London bullying wasn't an issue it was a sport. Interestingly the kid bullying me had his own issues, which is always worth consideration. The difficulty is that the bully generally has the rest of the class on their side because they don't want to be bullied either. You cannot take on the whole class. My advice is that you document everything that's happening to your daughter. Just keep a daily record in a notebook. Your teacher seems unable to manage the issue so I think you need a plan. The first thing I would do is follow Lucia's advice but instead of a one on one with the bully’s family I would have a little party with the bully, her mum and a selection of other classmates and their mums. This will achieve two things. The kids will play together without bullying which undermines the bully's past behavior/authority and you will have opened up a route to talk to the mums involved. If things still don't improve then it's time to talk to the teacher with your notebook. Since she's new maybe this is her first time encountering this sort of thing so the meeting should be firm, friendly and collegial with a "how are we going to fix this together" plan as the outcome. You have the evidence that it’s happening which she will recognise can be used in subsequent conversations up the line. If that doesn’t work it's time to take the notebook to the next level. You can show you tried to fix the problem on a “mum to mum” level, you then tried to fix it at a teacher level but you still have the issue.
However, you should also consider that this might never be fixed no matter how hard you fight and that another school and a clean start is the answer. If you do decide that it's important that your daughter never feels she had to leave because she’s done anything wrong.
I eventually made friends with my bully who was of Italian extraction and subsequently I’ve had a (generally justified) jaundiced view of any Southern Italian I’ve ever done business.
And then what?
Absolutely. Least said soonest mended.
Apple carts are important Mike. Macho is not the way.