Hello,
I wonder if some kind soul(s) can help a person in trouble.
Friends of mine living near Marmande/ Miramont area in the Lot and Garonne find themselves in difficulty.
The wife was rushed into Marmande hospital yesterday evening and then transferred to Agen intensive care unit. They have no family, the couple are on their early 60s. He is alone at the house with a car that’s in bad condition and so unable to do much. His French is not great and is relying on me to get hospital updates etc. His wife was placed in an induced coma and isn’t looking too clever. I am about three hours away and so not very handy.
Is there anyone in their area who could lend a hand ?
Probably Jane, his additional problem is accepting her state of health. He is confused and not really sure of what to do. He wanted to take a taxi to Marmande hospital this morning not knowing she had already been transferred to Agen. I will phone the hospital this evening for an update etc.
Although he is much younger than my wife when she qualified for help, the help when it arrived was excellent and daily. I think the acronym CIAS is known all over France, but the obvious starting point is the Assistante Sociale, though that invloves making an appointment at the Mairie and going there and back. I don’t know if they do home visits, but I think so if the situation demands it.
Yes David, that’s all to look to if she survives the hospital ordeal.
Latest from the hospital is that she will remain in an induced coma for three days when her condition will be re evaluated. Hubby has found someone close by who can take him to visit in Agen hospital.
Scans have shown there is one brain or head damage so, no stroke etc but the lungs are badly damaged.
Thanks for all your help.
Peter
If he hasn’t done so and would allow you can you still alert his Mairie? If a small place this could be invaluable in the weeks/months to come. They will be a lot of hurdles for him to face whichever way this turns.
I’m very sorry to hear about your friends Peter. I think Jane’s suggestion is an excellent one as the husband is clearly going to need lots of handholding.
This kind of situation must happen alot: one member of the couple speaks decent French and deals with everything and then they die or become incapacitated and the other one is left floundering.
It’s not so bad if there are children who can come and sort things out but if you’re childless I think couples really need to plan for this possibility when making decisions about where to live, etc.
Of course, it could happen in the UK too but at least the spouse would be floundering in their own language. And often there would be family somewhere in the country who know how things work.
Sorry for digressing - the focus right now should be just on helping your friends. But the story strikes a chord with me because, having a husband with appalling French who has to be nudged/coaxed/bludgeoned into bill paying, form filling, etc. it’s my worst nightmare.
I found the AS assigned to my commune absolutely invaluable to us all and my family are fluent french speakers but she got us so much administrative and financial help when we needed it and I saw her every year until I moved and even then she offered to find a local AS but I didn’t need help by then.
Hi Helen, yes excellent advice which will be acted on when ( hopefully) she returns home. As shiba says, a good AS is invaluable. A very close friend in the Charente was an AS in a high GB area in the NE Charente , Brits were about 25% of her clientele. Her English was pretty good which helped her to sort out the problems. She loved her job but was exhausted at the end of the week !
As an afterthought, the day after OH died, my son and I went to the hospital payments/acceuil for patients and they had an onsite AS who came down straight away, helped us with the mortuary stuff and then put us in touch with our commune lady AS. The mairie where this couple live should also have all the info and contacts and the AS may even work out of an office there. They do also do home visits.
To calm your nightmare do also remember that France still has a social services safety net that is generally functional. We have a (reducing) number of the generation above us in our village and they all get attention. In the Uk they would probably be stuck indoors with hardly any human contact and certainly no proactive contact from health services.
There is also the curatelle system to support them with administration if no family.
Thanks Jane but judging from what happened (or rather didn’t happen) when a Scottish friend had a stroke here last year, I wouldn’t be counting on our local social services for anything. Perhaps they’re just more overstretched here, with it being a city.
In our case, if something happend to me and my husband were in the UK he could call on my brother and his wife plus their adult kids to help him out. Plus he would have no problem communicating with those around him.
He struggles with digital procedures (so basically everything these days) even in English but he can’t cope with them at all in French, plus they’re usually badly designed.
My Scottish friend’s life crumbled very fast after the stroke, even though it wasn’t a catastrophic one. But she was unsteady, fell and lost her phone one night. She didn’t know how to order a new SIM. She was badly treated in the Free mobile shop in Strasbourg where they refused to even bring her a chair (she couldn’t stand for long periods). Her right hand no longer worked well and she ended up locking herself out of her bank accounts. We sorted her out in the end but it was shocking how fast things can go downhill once you’re no longer fit and well and mentally sharp. All she got from social services was a visit once a week from a morbidly obese immigrant lady who arrived in an Uber, couldn’t do any shopping because she didn’t have a car and refused to vaccum because it would be bad for her back.
I took steps some years ago which I hoped would avoid that sorry tale. And I would recommend it to anyone who is alone or in a lone couple.
I called it in capitals THE DEATH FILE and left it in a prominent place close to hand, to help whichever of us was left.
It is updated now and in the hands of 3 people, a French neighbour who was my right arm after Fran’s death last year. She organised everything, having intimate and detailed knowledge of the French system. The other is a Scottish friend, fluent in French so that she will be notified by, and work with, our neighbour to make sure all the English speaking connections are made.
The third person is in some ways the most important, because he will be responsible for surviving creatures in the home. The dogs. His job is simple, to connect with the kennels friend who is the gardienne of the owners of our dogs, 2 different rescue organisations, and transport them thus.
Death is not necessarily the problem David. It’s debility. But you have a great support network around you locally so I doubt that will be an issue either.
All the account passwords are an essential. My wife handles some accounts and I handle some, but her filing is chaotic and I now have a file with all her passwords and she has a corresponding one - though God knows if she knows where she’s put it - probably somewhere amongst the thousand or so other files on her desktop.
sSurprisingly few typos despite being affectionally head -butted by a large wet cat (hat’s l-lying on m-t my chest
Death worries me not at all, but debility is another thing entirely. I have told Annabel and Gill of CIAS not to forget where I live. Christine who is fighting off cancer and is now a regular Thursday morning visit for me will probably not work again, said that she had been offered help with showering and bathing but, when she found out that the likely one was Gill she turned them down. Nothing against Gill but she says there is no way that she could be looked after by someone who was a friend and colleague.
I sort of know what she means so perhaps I had better keep a bullet in the chamber, just in case. Only problem is, I haven’t got a gun. Oh well, I suppose I could bite the bullet while one of them is fiddling with me bits.
Oh well, I suppose I could bite the bullet while one of them is fiddling with me bits.