Does anyone question their motives for moving to France?

General Discussion
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Our desire to move has caused a lot of introspection on our motives. Today, the doubt phase came up with the question, “what if we’re simply bored with our current situation?” We would really feel silly if we packed up and moved to a different continent, learned a new language and a few other inconveniences, only to discover that we we were merely bored.

We know that we’re concerned about the current state of affairs with American politics. I for one am uncomfortable about living under the regime `of No Kings fanatics OR the extreme right wing of the MAGA movement and I don’t want to live through a civil war or revolution. Our local Catholic church has recently been bombed and who knows what’s next. Then I say who could possibly be bored in such an environment?

I suspect that many of you have worked through the same doubts as you consider the current dilemma, so please help me by sharing your thought process leading up to your migration.

Thanks, Jim

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I moved to the capital as a young man from a rural town in the north of England, so if anything there was too much to see and do… Later moved to a much more rural part of France, but it suits my temperament well .

Wherever you go, there you are. I’ve always been good in my own company, and can create my own interest in things others might find mundane. A couple of things I find useful, is one, if you’re doubting yourself or feeling a bit down, explore the simple practice of gratitude for the things you have. The other is to either stop reading or listening to the news altogether (very good for mental health!), or find a way to read it, but emotionally detach from it. In the word’s of singer Charlie Winston ‘we all kick the bucket in the end’.

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I think what matters is if you are (a) running away from something out of fear/boredom/etc or (b) running towards something out of fun/excitement/delight.
If it is the second it is much more likely to be a success. For us it was the second, we were retiring and looking to downsize and initially thought somewhere in the west country and then realised with no dependents to worry about, just the two of us, we could go anywhere and we had always loved France. The moment we decided it was like the universe said “off you go”. We sold our own place in the UK immediately, the new owners let us continue to live there while we found somewhere in France, which we did within 3 months. We moved in four months after that. Eighteen years on, we still love it here and at no moment question our motives for coming or our decision.

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Knowing why you’re moving may not be so important depending on point of view. If this is an opportunity to discover a new country, build friendship with people you might never have met, broaden your thinking in a different culture then you are likely to love it. OTOH if America is firmly ‘home’ and it’s just becoming a bit uncomfortable right now, it’s unlikely you will settle or build a long-term future in France because your heart is elsewhere.

I speak as an Austrian whose home is Britain, but who has a house also in France. The UK is home for us, but we also love France and have built friendships there, however it’s unlikely to be a place we’ll live full time.

Moving countries is a big commitment, and you’re wise to take stock.

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Thank you Gareth. That’s good stuff. Gratitude and turn off the TV. I feel better already.

The main reason I posted is that, If I can find a good listener, who has gone through the same experience that I’m facing, it helps to put my feelings into words, and then listen to their acquired wisdom, which is exactly what you have done for me. Thanks, Jim

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Great replies above and to respond to your question, the answer would have to be a resounding no. No questioning of motives, but I think your quandary could be more deeply rooted and of course, very personal.

I think it is entirely natural to feel anxiety about making a big move in country and culture and much I suspect will depend on your experience of relocating or migrating to another State let alone another country. Much depends on your resilience and approach to change.

I don’t think you could get bored moving to France - you might lose all of your hair in frustration of some of the wonderful processes here and numerous challenges in day-to-day life, but this is all part of absorbing the stuff of things.

Great advice from Gareth about doom scrolling and turning off the telly too!

Good luck and you will be fine.

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Thank you SuePJ, That is yummy food for thought.

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Thank you AM, anytime someone calls me wise, I’ll take it!!!

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Thank you Mickey

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Boredom will be a problem only if you don’t learn the language and therefore find yourselves isolated, or with a bunch of Anglophones.

Navigating French bureaucracy is never boring!

I don’t know what America is like, but France is quite hot on associations. Come September, there’s the all-age equivalent of the UK’s Freshers’ Week, where all the associations (I think our town of 7.000 has 180) gather together so you can learn about what they do, and consider joining. Having a shared interest is great for helping you learn a language. We came here to join a French church, so to a degree we had a ready-made circle of friends, though the French socialise in quite a different way. The majority of our friends are French. And, of course, you may find French language classes where you move.

What level is your French? Are you thinking of moving to a city, a town, a village or out in the countryside? What’s your timescale? (Sorry if you’ve provided this in other threads.)

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I think where things are relatively easy for us Brits is that France is just across our doorstep - it’s actually very familiar, probably been in our lives since birth (eg my grandfather and great uncles fought in France). Many of us will have learnt French at school, holidayed here growing up, or come here when we first flew the nest (these days young adults head much further afield). Among my generation it was pretty common pre-university to take a gap year and go grape picking in France
So it’s easy for us to put a toe in the water, learn a bit of French, get to know Paris, or some exotic wine chateau and then later in life maybe go on to buy a second home here. So France is not really that “foreign” (even though it is - very sometimes).
For those of you coming from further afield, the US, Australia, New Zealand, the step is much greater and in many ways much more courageous. I remember meeting a New Zealander who did not have a single word of French, not having learnt it at school (not surprisingly), not even “Bonjour” or numbers one to ten and I thought how hard that must be late in life to be facing that.

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I echo this statement Gareth shared (thank you!); being human entails a good amount of innate curiosity about almost everything. I arrived here in France from Texas a whole 22 days ago. I started planning this move long before the degradation of the US Republic started, but that did factor into my moving here in Spring versus Fall 2025. I love it! Even with my already-growing experience with System D.

As @SuePJ also stated, you need to determine your impetus: to something, away from something, or maybe a combo. Mine was many-fold: retired, looking for my next adventure, a life-long history of risk-taking and trying out new life/living situations/careers, a love for the culture of where you are intending to move (history, cuisine, geography, educational opportunities, social system, travel opportunities, etc.). I’m also solo with no kids, so the tug of family is there, but not as strong with cousins, nieces and nephews, and such. It was long past time to leave Texas, and I’ve been to and spent real time in every US State, some of Mexico, and some of Canada. Time for a new continent!

I’m not a doomsayer by nature, but I’ve been a student of and active in politics locally and at the state level throughout my adult life. Whatever this mess that’s happening now will lead to is anyone’s guess, but whatever that is, it is changing the fabric of global life and economics for decades to come. And the Republic may undergo significant changes - for good? For bad? Who knows.

I believe France is in it 5th Republic, yes? The “American experiment” is less than 250 years old; that’s incredibly long for a government to stick. In the rest of the world, particularly Europe, whose countries all have histories of multiple sea changes, we’re due to a shake-up. And here we are.

If you, or anyone, is comfortable with living through this volatility, I tip my hat to you. I am not. At 66, I’ve paid - as many of us here have - my dues and now it’s time to enjoy what time I have left, get involved in new local or regional activities or volunteer opportunities, or just chill out and practice my French.

Whatever you choose, bonne chance!

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Lovely explanation. Thank you.
You make a good point about being solo and that has reminded me of another aspect of all this.
If one is NOT solo, it really helps if the other half (and possibly children) share some (most?) of the same motivations. It becomes much harder if one half is making the move under sufferance or with the view that this is really a long holiday and at some point we’ll all go back.

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Undoubtedly, the push or pull factor is primary but I would also say that adapting to living in a new country greatly depends on how deeply attached someone feels to life in another place. Family connections play a big part. In the modern world friends and family elsewhere can be visited but it is not the same a popping in for tea and a chat on a regular basis.

I have met many people of all nationalities over the years living abroad. Some do best viewing their stay as an extended holiday and enjoy doing and seeing as much as possible. Some become culturally involved and find local connections very rewarding. And some spend much of their time missing ‘home’ and the old country for myriad reasons. There are variations but life abroad is something you only discover in the doing.

The thing I would add is that we should always listen to our inner voice. It is not courageous to venture forth against your instinct and then repent at leisure.

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True too. However, it can be that a couple who start out with the same mind about an adventure of living in a new country, changes over time. As we age, we change. So too the place in which we live. After a time it may be wise to consider moving, or even moving back to the old country.

The upside is that we are flexible humans not rooted trees. We can move and we can choose to take the positive view. For myself, I always hang onto bubble wrap, just in case of ‘if’ not ‘when’.

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Moved to France, not away from Britain, though we have zero interest in returning apart from short visits with family.

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Same, although Brexit hastened the process in my case (but I’d already lived here twice previously so it was an easy decision).

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Thanks Porridge, Speaking and reading French is definitely a weak point but we are very enthusiastic and willing to learn. We probably won’t be moving for at least a year and we are going to begin French lessons right away.

We will definitely be joining a church right away and I will be looking for an Amateur Radio club to join.

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“No Kings fanatics”? Peacefully protesting our descent into authoritarianism is fanatical?. How would you recommend we express our disdain for the current situation?

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Excellent !

Might I suggest listening to French radio as an extra-help. Perhaps daily news or something similar. It helps the brain to recognise the music of the language and gradually you will unconsciously pick out/understand words/phrases .

OH would try not to laugh as I would explain which new word I’d heard/understood that morning…

Hmm… “les pompiers” (firemen) … are… somewhere… so there’s presumably a fire ??? Somewhere??? :rofl: :roll_eyes:

but, it worked and I now follow French emissions/broadcasts quite happily.

best of luck