I recently stumbled across the following YouTube channel and thought that it is well worth sharing:
https://www.youtube.com/@hospicenursejulie/videos
I wish that had seen these videos prior to my father’s death - it would have explained so much.
Two in particular:
and
When my stepfather had cancer the Marie Curie nurse told mum not to make him eat if he didn’t want to - she said it would just prolong his suffering.
I didn’t watch any of the above, too squeamish. But I do admire those that facilitate that which we all have to face. A difficult and very caring calling not sufficiently recognised.
There is an experienced hospice nurse in Vancouver by the name of Barbara Karnes who has written a number of educational booklets concerning the end of life experience that comes to us all.
All of us will die one day, and many of us will witness a loved one approaching the end of their life. These things are not just possibilities, but are far more likely to be certainties for which it is sensible to prepare.
So whether you want to prepare yourself to be able to recognise when death is approaching, learn how to care for a loved one as they approach the end of their life, learn how to cope with a terminal illness, or how best to deal with the grief of bereavement, I urge you to visit this website: www.bkbooks.com
One of the best things you can ever do for your partner / loved ones is to educate them about how best to deal with your own death. Understanding what happens will minimise their grief and fear of the unknown. You will also be helping them to help you.
Reading the material yourself will also help you to deal with the loss of a parent, sibling, or child.
The Barbara Karnes booklets are not expensive. Just a couple of $ each, plus a couple more for postage. The objective behind the booklets is one of education, NOT of making money.
Please visit the website. Death is inevitable, so let’s learn to cope with it in the most appropriate way for the benefit of everyone concerned.
Unfortunately it appears that they only ship to the USA.
They are available from Amazon France:
https://www.amazon.fr/gp/product/B00072HSCY/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i5#customerReviews
The pamphlets are available in electronic form - but only in the restricted Kindle format.
Good news is that the publications can be borrowed from the Internet Archive:
https://archive.org/search.php?query=barbara+karnes&sin=
I found these difficult to watch as it obviously brought back memories, However I wish that I’d seen these prior to my father’s death. Two months before his death, my father almost completely lost his appetite.
The family and carers tried so hard to get him eat and drink.
I only realise now that although well intentioned, we were only prolonging the dying process.
When he was eventually admitted to hospital, I recall getting extremely frustrated that the nurses did not appear to be feeding him adequately. I certainly believed comments in the media such as this from the Daily Telegraph “allowing patients to suffer days of dehydration, or to be sedated, leaving them unable to even ask for food or drink.”.
Fortunately the videos on YouTube that I referenced and the books recommended by @Robert_Hodge are extremely educational.
Really good, clear explications. I wish I’d seen them before when I was a new grad sister in an old folks home, it would have helped me articulate the situation better to my dying patients families.
Actually, that is not correct. Here is the relevant extract from the bkbooks website FAQ section;
Do you ship your booklets Internationally?
Yes we do! Please send an email to us that includes your delivery address and the list of products you are interested in ordering. We’ll get back to you with a shipping quote.
Our booklets were sent to us here in France by USPS (United States Postal Service) without any problem. Delivery takes about 7 to 10 days.
In the unlikely event that you may need to telephone bkbooks, please remember that being on the west coast of the USA their time zone is 9 hours behind French time, so 8am in west coast USA is 5pm here.
The company is very keen to do everything they can to help in spreading the word as widely as possible, and so they will also do all that they can to keep shipping costs down for you. We purchased 5 booklets and the shipping was only $14.40
I really do feel that this will probably be the most useful, and best value purchase you will ever make.
I wish I could remember the name/author but we read some wonderful material towards the end of my mother’s life which helped us a lot. And particularly when they removed all life support which was gruelling for us (not for her, she was on a syringe driver). Which as written by UK people was appropriate for the setting we found ourselves in.
What we found quite hard was that there was so much difference (if not outright controversy) between what people said was the best thing to do.
I don’t know if any of you remember the Liverpool Care Pathway for people dying - since scrapped - but it did bring in some good things like allowing drugs to be kept at home in case of emergency need. One day I will look into normal practices in France, bit not quite yet!
I found this book, written in the UK by a doctor working in a hospice, incredibly useful and actually encouraging about the dying process. I would thoroughly recommend it and my partner appreciated it too.