I agree Phil...in the UK if someone spoke to me in a queue we would often end up having a real chat...thats how friendships start...
Thats sad....but I think the fact people talk about rushing home and closing the door behind them in the UK...is endemic....when Brits move to France they wouldnt dream of doing that..even if they work. When we were in the UK we didnt come home and shut everyone out...in our cul de sac there were a dozen houses...one couple were stand offish...and eventually they even caved in...I went back to the UK for the funeral of one of the residents and they were there..and chatting to everyone. I think it takes a few people to make the effort and you can change things. Even wealthy people have friends!
I would tend to agree with you Phil but the area i am talking about is pretty much a wealthy one company directors top management, police chief inspectors even surgeons and a gynaecologist as my immediat neighbour who i must admit did not enjoy a good reputation for his bedside manner, when we all moved in during the early 70s we were all young couples some with children we had a good community, football matches on the green coach trips out for a meal, street parties over the years it changed the friendly atmosphere was lost as people moved on fresh moved in the community spirit was lost somewhere along the way in the end i knew no one all rushing out coming home shutting the door behind them
Having said that Jayne, why not chat to the English speaker who talks to you in the queue, they may just turn out to be a great friend, as they might if they were any other speaker.
It doesn't do any harm, might even make standing in the queue more pleasant!!
I used to run a course in Brum once a month...stayed in a serviced apartment in the centre of Birmingham for the week....and its different of course, lot more noise and less concern about others...litter dropped everywhere..but Ive stayed with a friend 3 miles from Solihull and it was glorious..delightful area. I was brought up in London, but leafy North West London not far from Hampstead, and its still lovely there....my brother in law lives in Plumstead and taught in schools there for 30 years...he certainly tells some tales...but life is different in market towns...and villages...to the big cities and sink estate, and even then, some parts of cities are lovely and you get areas that are no different to living in a village.
Great points there, Lisa - people are people and it's the common interests that bind, not nationalities.
I collect books and had a great 'conversation' with a French chap in the book village of Montolieu last year, despite both of us having a poor knowledge of each others language.
Equally had a long chat with my neighbour in Pepieux about the new Audi he had just bought, whilst at the same time he ignored his French neighbours!!
Hi Sheila, just been watching some Youtube videos of the Moux Brothers, did I say THE MOUX BROTHERS!!! plug plug plug!!!
By the way, Happy Birthday again to Henry!! See you had a storm the other night, Peter was telling hoe the black cloud dumped on him!! Pouring with rain here on the IoM too, non stop!!
Perhaps it depends what life you lead. As a working person in London I never saw anyone to speak to on my walk to and from the station. Once I had the three kids I could meet half a dozen or more on the same walk later on in the day -neighbours, older people or other mums. That was in SE London. Nowadays I go from time to time to our local market. It takes ages because I stop to chat to other mums, neighbours etc.
Hi Phil it is a nice town very friendly pity the leather industry is almost gone now the disused factories looking very sorry for themselves, the parks and gardens department work very hard on their floral displays and always something going on the internation music festival was stopped due to the economic climate, thats a phrase thats been used a number of times, such a pity as it attracted thousands of visitors
I think it depends on a lot of factors. In the UK I would get angry with places becoming ghettos for different nationalities and no one speaking English. Therefore, moving here I did not want people to have that same opinion. I agree with Janet.
I think its all a matter of balance and the French all feel differently as we would. Some will welcome you and perhaps others not, although I have not met any of the latter but we have no other English speakers in the hamlet.
In the UK we had a few good neighbours but generally we were either at work or working from home, so therefore had no time to socialise. Here we work as many hours,if not more, than we did in the UK but somehow we manage to have a good social life with lots of French friends and neighbours and a couple of English thrown in.
I was invited to join a group today of Brits that do regular coffee mornings, etc. I declined. Why? Because I wouldn't be in the Women's Institute in the UK so why would I want to do it here. I am much happier meeting up at a cafe with friends when we feel like it, not on a regular basis. And when we coffee we don't compare notes about the person who is absent, like so many Brits I have met here, who seem to reinvent themselves as millionaires and the such like.
The ones you avoid here are those that pounce on you in the shops, oh your British, where do you live etc etc. If I have a friend it is because I want to be friends with them, not just because they speak English.
John, I think it's areas we live in rather than countries. I wouldn't like to think what some of the rougher suburbs of say Paris are like around the peripherique or St Denis etc.
Rural, market town living is probably similar both sides of la Manche, as are the socially deprived areas of the bigger cities both sides of the English Channel.
Hi Phil. That was a great night, and as Peter is an SFN member, why not plug the CD. The Moux Brothers live on tour this weekend (well on tour in Moux anyway!).
It often sounds dreadful listening to two english speakers speaking french to each other - and very false to boot.
Well that was how i saw it perhaps the Midlands is a different world, i lived in what used to be a village which quickly grew i worked voluntary in youth work and knew most of the kids in the area running the saturday night disco until the locals stopped it complaing that 10pm was late and the cars calling for the kids were to noisy, bonfire night we did a charity fireworks display they called the police who turned up at 10.30 when it was all over had a brew with us told us they called late as they knew we would be finished by then, i kid you not, wkend activities i ended up very often having one lad at my house until late on Sunday havingto take him home as his parents had taken the opportunity to go out never rushing back, as as he put it, knew his son would be ok the fact that my wife and myself may have wanted to go out never occured to him this guy was an intelligent company director and he wasnt on his own towards the middle of the 1990s the area became rife with drugs why because the parents were busy doing their own thing and it was a case of here is a tenner now clear off when the phone call came your son/daughter is in hospital or worse due to drug abuse same old question where did they get the money, remember that tenner, price of a bag of smack just a tenner from the guy on the bridge, my wife was at the local primary school she was threatened by a parent assaulted by a parent, attacked by a 6 year old with a pair of scissors kicked and spat at, one parent parked her BMW outside our house every night for a week and watched us, when my wife told one lad to pick his coat up off the floor he replied my fathers a football player he can afford to buy me a new one we have plenty of money, perhaps i paint a black picture there are lots of kids i am proud to be able to say perhaps i had a hand in moulding them teaching outdoor pursuits one lad went on to work with Ray Mears another distinguished himself in the Falklands
I agree with your assessment Carol, the British Isles isn't all self centred. We live on a mainish road in a town of 24,000+, I know many of my neighbours up and down the street, our best friends live 3 doors away, my daughter baby sits for our next door neighbour, we knew the old gentleman next door the other way for 15 years since we moved in, sadly he died the other week aged 96, but was still very independent almost to the end. My son's best friend over here lives at the end of the street, although both away at Uni now - I could add more.
I too am a GP, retired now, hence having a place in France, but equally have started to become friendly with our neighbours there, both French and English speakers.
So, I suppose that what I am saying is, that it is one's own attitudes that will break down the apparent barriers between people. A smile, a hearty wave, or a Bonjour/Morning goes a long way in either country.
Really John? in our last house we lived for 17 years...a cul de sac...we knew every neighbour...had parties...even had a drink on Xmas day all together....as a nurse I helped out with 3 neighbours when they were sick and one when his wife was dying. I knew everyone in the local shops...I had 3 jobs at the time...a Marie Curie nurse, I worked at the hospital on the CCU unit and did 3, 2 hour sessions a week in the gym for coronary rehab. My husband was a full time GP....we spoke to everyone, smiled... kept our heads up....and had lots of friends and aquaitances...had full social lives and 3 children...we lived in a market town...in the south. Is my experience so unusual? I dont recognise the UK you talk about...and by the way, I often found on a Friday night it was convenient for me to shop...sometimes at 3 or 4 in the morning and there were plenty of others doing the same...otherwise the shops wouldnt bother.
I see the the English life as shops open 24/7 who shops at 3 am, no one has time to say hello as you walk out your door either to go to work or out to mow the lawn, 40 years i lived in the same house in the uk very rarely did i speak to anyone they all had their heads down going somewhere, here whether i am painting outside or working in the garge with the doors open the kids coming and going to and from school say hello and someone will always stop for a chat admittedly sometimes to my annoyance when they hold me up and a job has to be done, retired or working it is a different lifestyle here, in my last job we took on a guy who had worked for our French counterpart as his wife had been transfered to the uk he was stunned at the pace of life having to rush around the uk as an engineer suffering abuse by irrate customers he was doing the same job as he did in France but by his own admitance far more stress
Very good point Wendy! I think you have it in the most part....a lot of people assume...that because the French are not paid so much, they are not so interested in their job..and they work to live...rather than the Brits, Germans and the Americans...who live to work. Ive seen plenty of comments about the fact mothers dont have high powered jobs and do more child care here...but I have my doubts. If you go to any of the big cities...you find mothers in high powered jobs...I would be worried if you didnt..would suggest France is 100 years behind and women are still expected to be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant! In the boondocks where I live....life is quieter than a city...but having lived in the boondocks in the UK..its no different.....lunches in France..where everything closes....and maybe the all night shops...only difference I can see...and if you work a 70 hour week in France you will likely be not much better off...so they dont.....but if you are a working mum....life will never be laid back...!!!
Sounds like you have hit the nail on the head there, Wendy!
Hi John, we are on the other side of the Montaigne Noire to the north of us. We took a trip over the tops (which is very Sound of Music up on the plateau) up to Mazamet, which I thought was a very attractive town.