Probably just habit. It’s usual, and professional and polite 
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Take up the siesta habit in a quiet corner of the garden with dogs at your feet!
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Thanks @vero , so I’ll just continue then. 
I might wait till it’s a bit warmer @JaneJones 
BTW I’ve solved the croissant/bar secret. The bar buys in from 15 kms but only on a Monday when the boulangerie is closed, the rest of the week you are welcome to buy next door and bring into the bar to go with your coffeee. 
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I know some people must think I am fixated about Gill but honestly, what would you do, she just can’t help herself.
6 no show visits this week, and at this moment, having got up early yet again, no-one has arrived. I was still here when Gill arrived for the half hour one last evening. I kept my cool not wanting a row. I asked if she knew if anyone would arrive this morning to replace Christine who is ill. No idea, fair enough, why should she know? But why can’t the office update the planner? ‘They can’t phone everyone’, says Gill, ‘but they don’t need to, one stroke of a few keys on the planner and that goes to everyone’. ‘Not possible’ is the reply’, ‘but Christine is off ill with a sick note till at least Sunday and then on leave for a week after that if she is fit to travel’. According to Gill it is all Christine’s fault, she didn’t tell them she was ill but Christine phoned me on Tuesday to say she had taken her sick note to the office. Gill misses no opportunity to do someone down. I aked her if Christelle had stayed on here with Fran on Wednesday after her shift here finished at 4pm. Yes, in fact she was still here when Gill arrived at 6pm. Did she share my praise of Christelle? No, instead she fixed me with a glare because it was my fault for not being here. I left the room, I will not rise to her provocation anymore. I think the bar is going to see a lot more of me in future.
And the planner? I have just had a look. It has been updated. Hooray…to yesterday. 
in fact all the cancellations since Tuesday are now marked indisponibilite, but all in the past. What use is that for a planner? But Gill thinks it is fine.
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I do think you are letting your issues with Gill become very dominant , and the extra stress isn’t doing you any good, you don’t want to ‘blow ‘ and find you are left with no carers and back to stage zero and starting again
Just out of interest, what do you do with people who constantly criticise you or people you trust and constantly argue any thought put forward. Do you argue back thus causing yourself stress, as I used to, or do you walk away and remove the source of the stress, as I do now?
And how will me keeping out of one obnoxious person’s way threaten the relationship with the other people involved who go out of their way to help?
If, on the other hand, you agree with my course of action now but just wish that I would shut up about it, then do what I do regarding Gill. 
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I worked many years ago with a very skillful guy who never ever confronted or disagreed with anyone directly. He always allowed them the possibility that their view was valid. So he would use expressions like “That’s very interesting” “That’s a possibility” or even just “Mmm” or “Ah ha”. He wasn’t agreeing with the person - often far from it - but his approach often calmed things down.
I hasten to add I have yet to learn how to do that myself! 
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I work in the caring professions I see how easy it is for these situations to develop and run away causing un intended consequences, however I have taken your message on board and will offer no more advice
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Thankfully I have Sue, with this one person, the only one who threatens my sanity. But it is very hard when I can’t be absent keeping my mouth shut while listening to friends being rubbished.
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David, some people seem designed to be abrasive, actively seeking out argument and discord. If one is not in a position to mitigate their behaviour then being absent, provided you are certain they are are deliberately causing harm when not being watched, is certainly the best way.
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I do agree AM but I do also hope there is a missing ‘not’ in that sentence. Please don’t edit it now and make this post nonsense. 
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I’ll leave you to decide whether the ‘not’ has been accidentally omitted.
I’ve worked with some seriously toxic individuals, some of whom I’d wished would just go and cause the damage they clearly wanted to so they could be fired & we all move on. That’s probably not the case involving personal care for your wife, however unwell she may be.
I can’t possibly second-guess what’s going on with Gill, but there may be external factors affecting her behaviour in this way. I’ve known some people be deeply unpleasant, but often catalysed by others who set them on a particular course and then watch the ‘fun’ from a distance. The capacity to cause devilment in some will never cease to amaze me.
Me too, BTW as far as Gill is concerned I have no reason to think that her treatment of Fran is anything other than well intentioned and beneficial.
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Yes I think Ancient’s got it right.
Whether she knows it or not she’s provoking your reaction and feeding off it.
When people are really, really annoying, steadfast charm and non-reaction (when you’re not actually absent 
)will frustrate this.
Is it true that the worst thing you can do to a dog is ignore it? instead of gratifying its bad behaviour with inclusion and your reaction ? (I’m a cat person, so wouldn’t know, but seen this said of dogs.)
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Yes, even things that drive you crazy, like the way she deals with Fran’s clothes, are to me showing that she’s treating Fran as an individual not just a task to wash and change. Some people’s personalities just grate - especially your own home at close quarters on a daily basis.
I don’t know if it’s the worst thing, but our dog certainly hates it. We do a “bonjour monsieur” exercise at dog school, where you wander round stopping to chat to people and the dog has to sit quietly at your side . He’s excellent at that. But anything that he doesn’t identify as similar gets to him. So if we have people over he will lie quietly, but the phone obviously doesn’t qualify as a monsieur, so talking too long on it and he will start to bark!
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Just a thought… for a rdv with our infirmières, they always ring the day before, to confirm the time.
If the planner is generally not up to date, could the system be set up for Gill to ring you, or send an SMS, to confirm when she will come (or not) ? Then you’ll know whether to be absent… a good idea to calm things down.
That already works well with both Christine and Christelle, but I wouldn’t even broach the subject to Gill for fear of the adverse reaction, and certainly not go over her head to speak to the office.
Not sure about the dog and not sure we should be using such a word in this context ( ), me being so charming and innoffensive and all, but on the brief evening visits by her in the last 2 days I have been self-control personified. Even when she predictably couldn’t help herself last night. When consulting her phone about next weeks planning she saw that Christine was slated to occupy 2 or 3 of the slots. I mentioned that that couldn’t be true because Christine had told me she had a sick note till Sunday and then, if without infection, a plane booking to England for Tuesday and that she would see us both next on the 11th. . That did it. 'I’ve been working here for 16 years and she has only been for the last 6 months, one rule for one one for the others…etc. etc. etc. ’ I remained silent and impassive and she was soon gone.
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Really, really well done.
There’s a mind “trick” that a friend who’s a management coach taught me when I was struggling to cope with my mother who was living with us. I would sit in the car outside my house and not want to go in at the end of a stressful day because of what I would face from Mum.
She said imagine a large, clear bubble. Climb into the bubble and seal it. Now, when you go into your house you are protected because you are surrounded by your lovely bubble. You can see your mother but any words from her coming in your direction just bounce off your bubble. She cannot harm you. For me, it helped.
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I’ll try it Sue, the next time I feel a reaction coming on. 
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Actually I have sympathy for Gill’s comment about the 16 years.
Guessing being quite dominant may be how she keeps going given some of the cases she may be supporting over the years.
But save yourself. If other strategies are not working, absenting yourself or get the bubble up sounds best as you don’t want them to be forced to choose whose support they can’t do should their resources reduce.
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