It’s never daft to chat … to a loved-one or a friend…
Little Bro’s ashes are in a family grave back in UK… but I natter away to him every time I scan the nightskies… we have quite a conversation and I can almost hear his voice (exasperated) as I struggle to name the planets/constellations/whatever … 
he was long on knowledge, but short on patience (with me, anyway)
I’m also a recent convert to burial, following my beloved MiL’s, and would anticipate the same conversations should Madame go first.
I’ve just refound this thread which answers one or two questions I had but I still think I’d like to explain my uncertainties.
It seems from what people have said, that there probably won’t be clothing requirements. It’s stated no flowers but cards are welcomed.
As our (French) friend was incredibly active in many parts of the community, it does look like the events are not restricted to the funeral (church) and the crematorium, but as fellow members of one of the choirs she was in, I think we are expected to participate in singing events that aren’t restricted to the church.
I am so worried about not getting things right. Pathetic, I know, but there it is. Definitely NOT good with funerals.
No, you are NOT pathetic!
Just relax and do as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.
You will not be expected to do/attend everything.
It sounds like people have found a great way of commemorating your friend’s life, and that you will have an opportunity to be part of that.
You are right of course but being more than somewhat introverted, I find “spectacles” a nightmare to be involved in. I just about managed singing in the choir though. I wouldn’t expect anything about our friend to be standard!
Truly, just be yourself and only do what you feel comfortable with. Do not feel pressured into anything.
(I do know “les Obsèques” in all their forms, inside out, upside down and back to front… )
i know! One of the reasons I risked expressing my worries…
At the last cremation I attended, the congregation were invited to write appropriate messages on the coffin with a sharpie.
A slant on a theme… seen many like that, biro, sharpie, post-it, whatever.
However, no-one will think badly of anyone who does NOT choose to accept the invitation …
If we take a card, do we put a name/names/something general on the envelope. Or in the card? We know her wife well but no idea about the rest of her family really.
I’ve messaged you…
but, on the envelope I’d put “Famille XYZ”
EDIT: I’m off for supper… keep calm meanwhile 
At my friend’s cremation a few weeks ago we filed past the coffin and spent a quiet moment before moving on. I found it quite moving because I had become fond of him on my twice weekly visits, originally intended to get updates on his wife in hospital, Fran’s favourite helper.
and I’ve noticed that not everyone does the file-by the coffin, at that time some do stay firmly in their places.
As I’ve said, the important thing is to be comfortable with whatever one does.
The fact that someone is attending, will be noted and appreciated.
Everyone sprinkled rose petals on OH coffin.
Was that by arrangement though, or do you think it is an accepted local thing? I have only been to a couple of funerals, apart from Fran’s, and that wasn’t done at either, oh and the one church one we went to, of a dear French friend, everyone filed up to pass the coffin at some point. We did not, feeling uncomfortable as non Catholics (and indeed non Christians), and no disapproval was registered by anyone.
At Fran’s funeral, I threw a single rose onto the coffin as it was lowered, but this was bought specially at the request of Fran’s daughter. When duly reported to her as having been done, nothing more was heard from her or her siblings. 
Funerals can and do vary enormously (wherever) depending on the wishes of the bereaved family.
We never asked for the petals, the undertakers were neighbours and did all the local funerals so presumed it was part of their “thing” to soften the grief. Do you remember a comedy programme in the UK back in the 70’s or 80’s with Thora Hird as the head of an undertakers, well it was a bit like that, mum and two sons in charge!
Yes I do, marvellous comic actress, sadly missed. Saw a brief clip of her on Dinnerladies the other day, classic expression and timing. Mind you, in very good company there. 
Unless you specify something in particular, you will get the standard package and it sounds as if your local folk do an excellent job and get things “just right” 