It helps they are the local menuisiers too as it always used to be when Adam were a lad in the UK. They know the local people and what sort of thing they want and can afford too as some french people go a bit over the top with their actual caveaux and then cover monuments spending thousands on four or six-berth resting places.
We got back from what turned out to be a rather intense set of funeral events just over an hour ago. I shall report back when i have recovered a bit - probably tomorrow. It was completely exhausting 
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I shall report back as briefly as I can as itâs probably not the norm 
The funeral turned out to be 2 complete (and huge turnout) funerals. The first was an extremely formal church do lasting over an hour and was, to me, completely incomprehensible, which surprised me a lot as I thought I was used to all sorts of church services.
Then we went straight to a rehearsal weâd been invited to to practice a couple of songs for the second funeral. The choir consisted of the deceasedâs recent choir plus a lot from her old choir which was disbanded a year ago. We were in the latter.
We went straight from there to the crematorium which was, again, packed with most of the same people I think. This was a more informal arrangement as it allowed the wife of the deceased to give a detailed and fascinating homily on her wife. Presumably she wasnât allowed to do that in a traditional Catholic church?
Obviously it was all very emotional as most funerals are but we had left the house at 2.15 pm and returned at 6.45pm completely shattered.
We werenât able to do much and went to bed early, waking up after a few hours to find that weâd left all the lights on downstairs, the front door was open and the back one unlocked.
The moral of all this, if there is one, is that if you are used to UK funerals, you should perhaps anticipate that French ones might be a great deal longer and, possibly more harrowing (or perhaps that was just a one off)
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I think that was very much a one-off. The ones weâve been to have been just at the crematorium and we have found them sad in the sense that there has been little in the way of ceremony and very brief - not even really someone leading the occasion, virtually no music, little in the way of a homily.
We did go to a lovely one in the tiny old church in our village - itâs not used any more, but is open for long term inhabitants. it was for the very elderly mother of our local farmer. She was French and married an Italian many, many years ago. The ceremony was beautiful - music, incantations, readings by relatives - we too did not understand a word. The entire village was there, so much so that some had to remain outside the church.
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Ah - that last one does sound more like the Church one we went to at the beginning of the process.
I must say I have really disliked most crematorium funerals Iâve been to but it looks like the two services were there in order to cover all bases. We were very fond of the lady concerned, who was an amazing person, but Iâm not at all sure I could cope with 4.5 hours of that degree of stress again. Weâre not as young as we once were 
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Have you done a French wedding??? When they celebrate they really know how to celebrate.
Town Hall at 2:30 for the legal bits, photos on the steps of the Town Hall, off to the church for a LONG ceremony, photos on the steps of the church (OH wondered if it was ok to cross the road and get a croissant in the bakery - I said no, which was a mistake) off to the reception for a âverre de lâamitiĂŠâ including those who would not be staying for the wedding breakfast. The doors finally opened for the sit-down meal at 9pm. Singing started at 11pm followed by dancing. We staggered out at 1am. They went on all night, including those of a great age.
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I have indeed - I think we were the first to leave in the early hours of the morning!
Mind you, a lot of the village events are very like that anyway. I donât know where the 90-year-olds get their stamina from!
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By behaving as Clint Eastwood. His words âDonât let the old man inâ
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Yes the son of the Boss where I worked. All the drivers were invited and assembled in the village square while the important people went into the Mairie to do the deed. Then we walked up the street to the church and there was a lovely service with a young solo trumpeter the star of the show. Then all the cars drove the half dozen kms or so to another village, horns blaring all the way, to a holiday village where the celebrations began. Funny thing is, most of the drivers did not go to the church just Fran and I and another driver nicknamed âla fouineâ because his reputation was of what we would call a creep. Happily the mass of absentees did not treat us the same way, recognising our foreigness. 
Weâve been to quite a few funerals here. Mostly of people who died at a good age of nothing dramatic, and had simple services in local church with a celebrant. All very well attended and very personal with children and grandchildren saying a few words. Gentle and dignified markers to the end of a life. All were then buried in the church cemetery straight after.
Also three massive ones in cathedral, due to deaths that were less natural (suicide and cancer). Very elaborate, swinging incense (which makes me cough) beautifully decorated coffins, for our friend Stèphan there was a big procession from his shop in town to the Cathedral. And then events after with food and drink, videos of the life of the deceased and a lot of emotion. All very moving. The cremations/burials were then close family only - which was a relief.
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Is that common in your area? Round here I donât remember seeing a church with a cemetary, all of them are municipal, in line with the nationâs official non religion. Otherwise Fran wouldnât be where she is and I wouldnât be joining her.
BTW Jane, you might be pleased to know that the plant with the green leaves tipped with white but no flowers is still thriving and the rose has come back into bloom this week, also the plant with the poker like purple flowers has started flowering again. I faithfully water them everyday there is no rain so 3 out of 5 isnât bad, and you never know, the other 2 might resurrect themselves at somepoint.
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But surely still Catholic? Round us there are a number of small Protestant cemeteries because they could not be buried in the village cemetery. In most cases they are just in someoneâs garden with yew trees to mark them. In one case our neighbouring farmer mows round the patch where two people are buried in his field - Protestant - nothing at all to show they are there other than his careful mowing.
Just about all of them do here. Generally small, but then the churches are small village churches, and with family plots.
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I am probably wrong but my understanding is that all cemeteries are sort-of municipal whether they are around a church or not, meaning anyone can be buried in them? Iâve often wondered (OK occasionally wondered) whether the concept of consecrated (or whatever the word is ) ground no longer exists? I know there was a time when criminals and unbaptised infants etc could not be buried in consecrated ground but I donât think that is the case any more, whether Catholic or Protestant. If anyone has verifiable information about this, Iâd love to know.
I raised the question myself when a definitely non-Catholic English friend was buried in a small cemetery attached to a Catholic church in a neighbouring village here in Normandy.
We had a suicide in the village some years back and he definitely wasnât able to buried/ remembered in the village cemetery, it was in the behemoth of a cemetery in Limoges. I donât actually know the reason why to be absolutely clear, but I assumed it was perhaps the âmethod of deathâ if I can put it that way, meaning for whatever reason it wasnât allowed. The family are local so I donât think it was a choice for them all to traipse down there.
Whereas our (gay) friend who committed suicide had the full catholic works in the cathedral and is buried in the cemetery where all his husbandâs family are. I think down to the monseigneur (?) at the cathedral who is hugely open and thinks people more important than catholic doctine as far as I can tell.
it just seems awful for those left behind to stigmatise a suicide even further.
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There is a separation in France Church (Religion) and Cemetery (State)
Our church did have an ancient graveyard beside it, but that disappeared yonks ago.
Our Municipal Cemetery is further up the road, where any local or someone with local links⌠can (if space permits) arrange to be buried or have their ashes scattered. There is absolutely no discrimination.
and Iâm pleased to say that, certainly in my area, the Church service is tailored to the request of the bereaved family. No-one is denied.
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Thatâs lovely to know, @stella
EDIT: However, I donât think that is the case now in our village as the incredibly welcoming priest of the past few years has just been replaced by a hard-liner . Things change thoughâŚ.
Well, neither Fran or I are Catholic, or even Christian, and it had nothing to do with my ability to buy our perpetual plot in the village cemetary from the commune. Although many other gravestones have crosses on them (but certainly not all) ours does not bear a cross, and I wasnât even asked by the mason if I wanted one, so the default position is definitely non-religeous. The neighbouring, larger village, is the same, with cemetary a long way from the church.
I went to a burial of a friend in that giant cemetary at Limoges some years back. The small group of us waited at a little porch near the entrance and then drove behind the hearse to the very non-religeous interment. It was so far away that we almost needed the sun to find our way out, but not a priest in sight.
Lastly, that is not to say that priests do not exist here, though I have never seen one, but once Fran went to sit quietly on the grave of a dear friend and, unkowingly, chose the 1st of November. The place was packed and a priest came up to her and politely asked if she would like a prayer, she, equally politely, declined and the priest drifted away after patting our Greyhound, Lira, on the head and murmuring âgood dogâ. I would have hesitated to take a dog but Fran was an innocent and in any case I have occasionally seen dogs in there since. 
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