Both FIL and MIL had taken out funeral plans, which ended up being extremely good value as they lived long after the 2 bob a week was paid off. And it came in handy as we didn’t suddenly have to find £5,000 for each of them. Sure the estate would have paid - eventually - but Funeral Directors don’t take credit,
My mother didn’t but then she wanted direct cremation so that didn’t cost that much.
Wouldn’t bother with one myself, but it was important to FIL and MIL that proper plans were in place. I guess as they had lived through all sorts of financial uncertainty in their lives they wanted to be sure about having a place to be.
There is provision for banks to release limited funds to pay for funerals ahead of probate being granted. Many other forms of raising credit to pay too and all can be reclaimed from the estate at a later date.
Yes, many in the past paid their 2 bob a week insurance and good on them back in a time when life was simple.
Today I pay more per month for insurance than I have ever paid in monthly mortgage repayments, property, motor, health. That’s why I will not be adding a funeral package.
Indeed, I found that banks and BSs offered to release funds if required.
I wonder if that’s a recent thing, though, and linked to the fact that funeral directors (no longer) give credit. I dealt with an estate in 2008 and they seemed to expect to await Probate.
I always felt betrayed by my parents too when my nan died and we were not allowed to go. I was 11 at the time and even when she died, we were not told for some time. This was end of the 60’s and parents were just so victorian in their attitudes to death, sex and pregnancy in those days. Years later whilst on holiday here with us in France, I got told off (in my late 30’s too) by my dad for talking to our french friend at lunch about his deceased wife, seems that generation just forgot their dead especially to discuss them and remember them. Now my kids and I laugh at their dad for some of the things he did and talk about him all the time.
Those adverts on UK/Irish based TV are on all the time. What I would like to know is, supposing you start paying in your 50’s monthly and live to a really old age past 90, you will have paid in thousands and what happens if that funeral plan provider goes bust meanwhile?? A bit too risky for my liking so I too would never pay up front, let the succession pay for it from the sale of my estate.
Yes I know, and with all the other administrative matters we were very happy not to have to do that. One phone call and all sorted. But yes it was simple then, and insurance mn came round weekly to collect so no direct debits or paperwork.
If it wasn’t for the distress, and lingering demise, of the dog, and if we didn’t have a stream of health visitors every day of the week, I would love it if we both died at the same time here in the house.
And our bodies not discovered until the first huissier came to break down the door.
No, I will not be paying up front for a funeral either, there is enough in the bank to pay for the first of us to go, and there are plenty of inheritors, the majority of whom do not deserve it, to be faced with the ultimate bill.
Could do worse, our house is on the north bank of the Lot, could build a traditional Lot gabarre and I’m sure one or two of the neighbours would be interested in coming along…
Nearly thirty years went to a performance art piece in a C18th former bonded warehouse in Whitehaven that had been part of the triangular W Africa/W Indies/England trade -brass and cloth to W Africa, slaves to the Carribean, sugar and rum to England - The performance culminated in a voodoo altar being carried through the streets to the harbour where it was set alight and we watched it float away on the outgoing tide burning in the night. Some photos at this site:-
There are beautiful festivals in Mumbai where amazing constructions are put to sea and set in fire. As well as all the teeny weeny little votive lights sent out to sea from Chowpatty beach.
The Indian community in Antwerp used to do a fantastic Diwali fireworks-cum-lights-on-the-river extravaganza.
Who are we to judge what’s right or wrong with the last wishes of anybody? As long as it isn’t dangerous or against the law I don’t see the problem. Funeral celebrations differ all around the world. Current ‘traditional’ Western practices were drummed up someone at some time. Whose to say they were right?
Unsurprisingly increasing numbers opting for unattended cremation. My dads family have been atheists for generations and before he died (still solving the Times crossword at 98) he made it clear to me he wanted as little ‘wasted’ as possible on his funeral so we went for unattended cremation which cost around £700 plus a wider family lunch/event to talk about him and celebrate his life a few months later - which his grandchildren’curated’. Much better use of money and more appropriate for him and comforting for all of us!
Thats how I feel too. Would rather the family spend the money on other things than pay for fancy ceremonies that only line the pockets of the funeral directors and the government eventually with concessions for burials or columbariums. Have been to the traditional french funeral many times, the big van hearse, the uniforms, the religious claptrap I don’t adhere to and then the internment and finally the croissant and coffee in the local hall. No emotions whatsoever, just a lot of repeating words and religious stuff, not even a photo of the deceased or a eulogy spoken, all to standard practice every time. Cremations now more popular in France, who can afford getting on for €20,000 for a funeral including digging out a family caveaux?
Worth considering that for some of those left, a funeral can be a helpful time of closure and release, that wouldn’t happen if there were just a quick disposal and party after. Of course we should respect the wishes of the deceased, but we also need to consider the needs of the living.
Whatever funeral arrangements are made… unless the deceased made clear plans in advance… it is up to the Family to decide… nothing is forced upon them…
and it really does help when a grieving relative can say to themselves… “I’ve done the best I can to give you the send-off you would have wished for…”
One very-elderly local atheist had expressed the wish to “hear the bells ringing” … when he would be on his final journey to the cemetery… the whole family are atheist and didn’t quite know how (or if) this could be arranged as (of course) the bells are in the church…
they ring out as part and parcel for church funerals…,. but…
Long story short… a quiet whisper in the ear of the local bell-ringer… and the bells rang out, gloriously, as the hearse and the family drove by… and it didn’t cost 'em anything …
A friend of ours whose husband died after a long illness in hospital opted for cremation. Although they had not been happy together for several years, she just stood at the end of the coffin in silent contemplation for a few minutes and then Fran and I plus 2 other friends returned to our big village for a menu price meal at her expense.
I had had no issue with the departed though I knew there were problems but we maintained a respectful demeanor to begin with.
Then a large black dog wandered into the room from the garden…and shat on the floor beside us. Tension broken, mood changed, tucked in with difficulty through total hysteria.
Who are really more important at that point. And especially when the death is premature it helps others come to terms with it. We have now been to three massive funerals of people who died well before they should have, and they have all been full of emotion and meaning. For the family it would have been money well spent - and I hate to think how much. All in the cathedral, which I imagine requires a larger donation to the church, as well as the rest.
We have also been to many funerals in the local small church, which are generally led by a local woman who does humanist ceremonies as there is no permanence there. And she makes it very personal to the person who died.
So as long as funerals are about the living, not the dead, then I am all for them.