That’s an excellent idea. As I mentioned earlier, we presumably won’t be having ‘structured’ funerals as we’ve donated our bodies to Rouen University Hospital for surgical training.
Mindful of what Ancient Mariner says, we would want to organise a celebratory, but respectful lunch to help give closure and release to family and a small number of friends . Neither of us is the least bit religious and certainly wouldn’t want any form of funeral ceremony. I’d also like our dogs to be present at any celebration… they’re family…
The monseigneur at the cathedral allowed Jean-Marc’s dog to follow the coffin, and sit beside it for the service. Had everyone in bits, Rare concession as I learnt that since dogs are not seen as having souls they are not supposed to participate in a catholic service .
I hadn’t realised quite how important funerals could be until we lost a good friend in her mid 30s a few years ago, and didn’t get closure as we needed for a variety of reasons.
Incidentally… for those concerned about excessive costs when someone dies…
I do know that the sum “charged/donated” for a religious funeral (at the church and often at the cemetery as well) is between 150 euro - 250 euro… and can be waived if the situation warrants it.
the content of the religious ceremony will depend on the wishes of the family… although there is a basic format …
What the Funeral Directors charge and provide … depends on what is asked for/chosen by the family.
It does seem a bit of a cheek to charge anything to me. The recent funerals I have been to have been extremely well attended - at Marie Paule’s there were perhaps 400 people, others maybe 150/200 - and everyone put something in the basket!
At my first French religious funeral, a neighbour explained what I could expect…
"when it comes to the trek round the coffin, each person has their own method of homage… just watch the others and do whatever you are comfortable with…
Oh, and there is a basket for “offerings”… (how much? I asked her)… oh something which rattles will do… "
My neighbour opened her hand to display the 20 cents she had at the ready…
I’ve since noted that the family often… but not always… put notes into the basket… as they lead the way…
and those who follow rattle loudly… it is only a gesture…not a money-making exercise
I’ve found this to be surprisingly comforting whether if I was in the coffin or outside of it. I’m very lucky to have two lifelong pals that I would want there and enjoying a drink on me.
I’ve been to two funerals recently. One a woman who died very young, the other someone who died “full of years”. Both were burials, which I found more moving than I’d expected.
It was lovely to remember the person who had died, and to mark her passing. It was good for those mourning to be able to speak about the deceased and recognise the fact that she’d gone and that it would be a little while before we’d see her again (however that will be).
I have it in my mind from somewhere that the funeral directors will see us off for around €3,000 a piece. This is for coming up the hill and back to their place to collect us, selling a coffin and keeping us warm for a couple of days before driving the 500 metres or so to the cemetary. That’s all.
Now that the Maire, who told me to wait until we were dead before paying for the plot ( ) has died himself, I’ll be taking it up with the secretary very soon so I assume that side of it will already be covered.
Am I wildly out on that assumption? If so, better put a few more pennies in the pig.
If it turns out up to me, if I am the one who is left, I think a drink with a few local friends, including the aides who have helped her and become her friend, will suffice.
You might be surprised by the price of a “plot”… it’s not that cheap… certainly not locally to us.
and I know that whilst some were “in perpuity”… that is no longer being offered… just a set number of years… can’t recall how long… and before that expires the sum is either paid again by the family… or the plot is emptied…
the family tombs are marvellous… many of them so old and so well used/occupied
@David_Spardo it seems that the tenure of the plot starts from the day is is “bought” rather than the day it is “occupied”. So if one buys a 30 year tenure and lives another 30 years (whatever) and the plot remains “empty”… the sum will need to be paid again to secure the tenure (for another xxx years) before any burial can take place… so your old Maire was trying to save you possibly wasting your money…
Going back to the original post, if the body hadn’t been present it wouldn’t have been a wake. Some kind of memorial gathering yes, but not a wake. A wake is an opportunity before the funeral with the body present allowing family and friends to say goodbye. Traditionally the wake would have been held at the deceased’s family home where the open coffin would have been present for visitors to pay their last respects. Traditionally the coffin was watched over at all times including overnight which is possibly the origin of the term “wake”. The word has become misused in recent years and is often incorrectly applied to the post-funeral gathering which traditionally would have been called a “funeral tea” or something similar.
Thanks for the historical context regarding the word ‘wake’, which is interesting. I’m not sure I’d necessarily agree the word has become ‘misused’ in recent years, isn’t it more that original meanings can evolve over time? There was a (sandwiches and drinks) reception on Thursday in the UK immediately after the funeral that everyone attending happily seemed to call a wake, both verbally and in thank you letters/emails.
My DIL grandparents paid €14,000 for their two person plot, headstone and concession for 50years, twenty years ago in Brest.They are now both tucked up and asleep in their forever bed in a crowded city cemetary.
it is only a gesture…not a money-making exercise
