We have been here twelve years and many would look at us and say we are not “integrated”. We live in the country, surrounded by farmland and our immediate neighbouring farmer lives just up the road. He is always friendly / polite and we chat while he sits in his tractor cab but I had never been into his house until last Christmas when (because they know I like photography) his wife asked if I would like to photograph their Christmas village. We get on just fine with everyone at the Mairie and I always get “bisous” from the mayor at their January “fete des rois”. In the early days we felt we “had” to integrate and finished up doing stuff that wasn’t us - like the hunt meal - huge great slabs of tough meat. So we relaxed, stopped worrying and accepted that our friendships would come elsewhere than the immediate farming commune - for example, we are very close to the woman who taught us French and her family. Everyone locally knows who we are and (so far as we know) accepts us, but we will always be incomers (it would be the same if we were French and from Paris).
Some people are good at the village having everyone round get-togethers but it’s not our style. If that matters to you, one way to intergrate is through local clubs - walking, art, dance, etc - but that may still mean that people welcome you in that context but don’t invite you to their homes, which tends to be a family thing.
When we arrived, we soon discovered that one local farmer was universally referred to as “Ceconla.” Not his “nom de famille” of course, but something had ocurred during the war that could not be forgotten or forgiven. He has since gone to meet his maker and a subtle shade of local colour has gone with him.
We are invited to several homes and we had a huge get together at the home of a friends because we had 70th birthdays close together. It turns out her husband and mine have a birthday on the same day.
We often have meals at our nearest neighbours or they come here, but it took time.
In retrospect the thing I would have paid more attention to was the make up of the village. It is a small rural hamlet, where many people have limited horizons. The previous mayor had never been to Paris…
We get on well with the older generation, as I like social history and am happy to listen to stories of what George did 50 years ago. Apart from the agriculteurs, most of the working age population were less interesting, drink too much, drive too fast and shout at their children. Luckily since we moved here it has changed a bit, the older generation are largely gone and we have some new young families who are teachers and engineers and things like that. And the new mayor comes from Paris. So there is now a much better sense of community and participation which makes life more fun.
So although I don’t need the neighbours to be my new best friends it does help to have some common values so your lifestyles aren’t at odds with each other. I should have paid more attention to the plastic flowers, half built motorbikes peeking out of sheds and chained up Malinois.
When you find what could be your house, ask lots of questions about the neighbours and pay attention to body language when they reply.
Oh thank goodness - someone with the same idea as me. Sometimes when reading posts like this and looking at what others do to be ’ integrated ’ - I sometimes feel I was never integrated in the UK either! Never a 'joiner in ’ , knew a couple of my neighbours but that was all - although always willing to help if asked. Don’t see why I should change that just because I’ve come to live in another country.
We lived , as I mentioned on another thread down that way. The first village we were in was dead when we arrived and we and our Swedish neighbours brought it back to life and the French holiday homes etc started getting used again after a decade of abandonment. The village loved us and all showed up for our wedding / first baby etc even though my French was just awful! The second village, between Castelnaudary and Mirepoix was not at all the same, very farming, very same families for generations, we made some wonderful close friends that we are still friends with but they were all from ‘up north’ (France!), and Swizerland. I was so friendly to everyone, had a little one in the school, had my 2nd baby there and the whole time got asked for a coffee once in 4 years! I think it really is a village by village basis. The 2nd village had an elderly lady who went to Castel’ once in a blue moon (17km) and had never in her life been to Carcasonne (35km!)
I’ve actually made a concerted effort this time round to try to ‘integrate’. I’m involved in the village associations, organise the village market, tresory for the Parent Association etc. We’ve been here 5 years and it is only the last year that I’ve found some real ‘friends’ and it is lonely sometimes but I think by making the effort with the village stuff I certainly feel accepted and liked in the village. As someone else mentioned those elusive invites to homes can be a bit thin on the ground compared to say Oz where it is very common. I’m a social person (with a not very social OH) so was important to me to put in the effort. If you are not bothered then as many of have said, silly to force yourself to do stuff! Hubby doens’t do anything to ‘integrate’(although is more than happy to come out for meals / aperos when we do!) other than being friendly with our neighbours.
I’ve never understood this concept of integration, I live in the same way that I have lived in other countries. I’m on good terms with one set of neighbours, I’ve known them a long time, but I’m not sure that I’ve integrated with anything. My other neighbour has become one of my closest friends but that’s just because we have a lot in common. It’s not the sort of friendship that involves spending time eating and drinking in each other’s houses but I’ve never had that sort of friendship with neighbours anywhere. That’s it for my hamlet. In the wider area I’m accepted as being part of the local population; the hairdresser asks me if I want my hair cut as usual and I’m greeted by name in the various offices I visit regularly. I’ve certainly not gone out of my way to join in with any activities or associations that would be new to me but I pass the time of day with others when our hobbies and interests overlap. I just see this as life, I’m not sure where integration comes into any of it.
I agree! Everyone lives differently regardless of where they live and ‘integration’ means something different to each of us. What is important to one is not to the next etc.