Fixed that for you. 
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Summary
Hi Tory. I can’t sleep so I’m looking at your kitchen.
If you would rather not face the dust, stress and expense of doing a large job but still want to make a positive impact, then here is a minimal work suggestion…
Right wall
· Leave wall and small window as is.
· Create shallow wall cabinet to hide fuse box. Paint grey if not painting wall. If painting wall, paint box off-white.
· Paint doorway opening, off white. (Grey if not painting rest of wall)
· Mirrored cupboard on the wall at the end of the dining table (replacing the deeper sideboard)
Staircase foyer area
· Large wood sideboard.
· Green larder crockery cabinet.
- log burner wood storage - find large basket of old box. It’s a wee walk to the burner but only for ~3 months a year.
· Opaque curtain to conceal washing machine:
MOALINA Rideaux, 2 pièces, beige, 145x250 cm - IKEA
(You can use the other curtain from the pair to hide something else in that area.)
Left and End walls …
· Relief lower wall half paint grey. Farmhouse plaster irregularities has charm!
· If you decide to paint the upper half wall, then off-white.
· Create shallow wall cabinet to hide Linky. Paint grey if not painting wall. If painting wall, paint box off-white.
· Brick wall paint off white. (Colour would draw attention to this corner for no purpose).
· Wood burner flue pipe paint black.
Kitchen galley wall
· Wood cabinets and frames paint grey.
· Replace handles with black iron.
· Remove small wood wall shelf at end and replace with full length cupboard custom made or IKEA fitted ( check 60 x 60 x 200 measurements fit space).
METOD Armoire avec rangement coulissant, blanc/Bodbyn blanc cassé, 60x60x200 cm - IKEA
· Wall tiles keep, rather than add the expense and trouble changing them.
· Wall surrounding cabinets paint off white
EXTRAS
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It would not be a large added expense to give the remaining wall areas a fresh coat in off white.
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Painting ceiling areas between beams in off-white will bounce more light.
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Instead of ceiling pendant lights, add some track spots along the beams. Also, some standing lamps, depending on dark areas, existing sockets and loading. Other members on SF have some very good ideas in another thread that may help you. (Maybe also take the opportunity with an electrician to tidy up exposed wiring.)
Some suggestions:
NYMÅNE Applique double, blanc - IKEA
NYMÅNE Plafonnier 4 spots, blanc - IKEA
Lampadaire design : lampadaires salon ou extérieur - IKEA
- Maybe visit IKEA kitchen department to see what a new galley kitchen, fulfilling all your needs and keeping your existing equipment, would cost? This can then be compared to the cost of painting and tweaking the existing kitchen.
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A timely article appeared in my browser
Which is great and it does work well, but in all those pictures there are the one thing Tory’s kitchen totally lacks, natural light from windows , you end up making a dark room even darker.
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From whst I’ve seen it’s only a small area, a sort of alcove. Unless it inadvertently turns into a black hole in the process 
For Paola Zamudio, founder of npz studio+, whether this optical illusion can prove effective all comes down to how your room is lit. ‘It depends on the lighting,’ she says. ‘If you have natural lighting, it can create a cozy feeling. If you have artificial lighting, it can make a space feel confined.’ Think carefully about whether you have big windows to work in your favor, or whether you have recessed spotlights that might make the space feel far too small. ‘An accent wall can be bold and elevate the look of your space, but it takes the right natural lighting to make it work.’
See my comment re black hole. It’s a very small corner. An area behind a stove. Not going to magically/mysteriously suck all the available light out of the room. Just cause ugly bricks to not draw attention to themselves.
Unless one plasters/covers the bricks… surely one is never going to hide those bricks…
and, in my view… painting them a strongly contrasting colour to their surroundings would only draw attention to them …
I would have thought that if one does paint 'em… better for the colour to more or less match the adjacent walls… so the bricks tend to blend in…
Personally, we’ve learnt to live with certain things which we had hoped to change in the beginning… always a juggling act… finances v aesthetics
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Not really. The point is to reduce the light bouncing off them and not to attract the eye towards them. A matt dark colour would achieve that. Details would become less apparent. One way to know would be to paint a board or two (cardboard even) in a preferred colour and slip them in place to see how it might look. That way no need to try to undo it if it doesn’t work.
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it’s clear we can agree to disagree…
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Oh, absolutely
With perhaps the caveat that anyone offering an opinion posts a few photos of their own decor so we can make our personal judgement whether it’s an opinion worth considering. 
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I’ve put a photo up, already… 
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Do you really want to see photos of my toilet though
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I have as well .
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I don’t want to see anything, it was a throwaway jokey comment that I would hope no one took seriously 
but as long as your loo is clean, go for it 
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It’s OK, I was joking too. Trouble is it’s a small room with two black walls and you won’t see anything much and probably go, ooh, it’s dark (it’s not). (And it need a tidy)
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The ‘more is better’ designer is your neighbour.
https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/look-inside-this-eclectic-english-countryside-escape/amp
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There’s a reason for the phrase 'blue and green should never be seen '. 
Since it seems important to put up or shut up in this thread here’s our place with feature wall in the living room. It needs tidying, don’t judge me.
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When I see places like that I just think oh my, imagine the cobwebs and the dust!!!
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