Yes, It's always lovely to meet other people but I think that what many of us want and need is not the odd and infrequent meetup. We need people nearby with whom we can have a more regular contact. That's how most meaningful friendships are made, not expat meetups of disparate people from disparate areas. Better than nothing but not really a solution for many of us. Unless the locals show an interest I fear we are doomed to failure.
So sad to read the problems you have Avril,more than just loneliness but at the same time I can understand how your situation makes you feel so alone.What is your business? If you do sell your house where will you live,I guess you're selling to have money to live on.Is there no way one of you could maybe go back to the UK to get work?
Hi Avril, what kind of work do you both do ? And what will you do when you sell your property, go back to the UK or downsize in France etc ?
It is flipping tough at the moment for many both expats and French. We found ourselves in a similar situation 25 years ago but we stuck at it and had a bit of luck on the way and somehow survived.
Hi Diana, Your last paragraph is exactly true, and is how I feel right now. Being depressed gets you to a point where you can't think straight, no matter hard you try.
Am I lonely?...YES, more than I could ever express. Recently what has begun to scare me, are the moments of what I can only describe as 'Darkness' that flood over me suddenly during the day, or when I awake with a feeling of panic or dread.
My husband and I struggle financially, we have very little work coming in, and I worry about 'Factures' dropping through the letter box and not having enough to pay them.
We can't afford to pay for adverts for our business, and I have tried all avenues to get our names known for free. We are both extremely hard working, reliable, honest and adaptable. We have some excellent references and Testimonials from our clients, so I can back up how I have described our work ethics. But no matter what we try, we just don't seem to be able to advance, find regular or contract work. I have run out of ideas.
We have our house for sale, and have had very little interest, and I'm sick to death of the Immobilliers and their 'Yes we are proactive' statements. We've paid for private adverts, I have even contacted charities to see if they would be interested in using our house as a Raffle prize. It has now got to the point where we NEED to sell and URGENTLY, and I don't know where else to turn now.
I had a meeting with our Mairie, to see if he knew anyone who might be interested, during the conversation I broke down in tears and begged him for help.
I had a meeting with the Notaire we purchased through to see if he could help in any way. But NOTHING seems to be working, and money and time are fast running out. We can't afford to 'give' the house away, we will need every penny in order to be able to move on.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this, so if there is anyone out there who could help us find legitimate work where we don't have to lay money out to get it (because we just don't have any), then please contact me directly.
I was once a very proud person, sadly it's not longer the case. As I am reduced to begging for help.
I do not think people realize just how big France is before they move here! It is fine when you are driving to go on holiday from A to B but when it comes to events or meetings it is huge and mostly inaccessible by any form of public transport in comparison to the UK where even now you can still reach some really small villages by bus (although these services are being continually cut back). The Lot et Garonne, just one department, is so large as a that to get from one side to the other by car it can take over two hours on the more direct, scenic routes north/south. East/west you could take the train or motorway for some of the way perhaps. The only plus side of 47 is that there is very little traffic so you can go a quite a distance and barely meet another vehicle.
Well, yes that could happen anywhere, and yes lots of people do work in and around Paris (as they do in other parts of France), which is big, getting to the meeting point etc etc...but this it could also be a positive experience, I personally always like meeting new faces, and I for one am not afraid of getting in the car, which I have to do anyway to get to somewhere...so anybody out there meet up - let me know...where there's a will there's a way... :)
We did this a few years back in the Paris region,but there wasn't much take up,a few of us met a couple of times.
Probably most people here are working so wouldn't have much time.
Loneliness and being lonely are two different things. One is physical and one mental.
Would it be an idea to suggest, if SFN folks would be interested, to meet up in their area, ie so if some of you were, give the name of a big town, region, with a view to meet up?
Some of you might be concerned that if meeting up, just maybe for a coffee or tea, somewhere, that you might be worried about not knowing what to say. Well, it's simple, some people you will 'click with' and some you will not, but you never know if you do not try. I personally think it is well worth a try, rather than 'being alone at home', and make life look a little brighter after meet-ups!
I will start with me being in region 13 (Bouches-du-Rhone) so I am half way between Aix-en-Provence and Avignon, but I am also not far from Lourmarin and Bonnieux in the Luberon... :)
I met my husband when I was 13, he 16, and we have been married over 40 years. Friends have come and gone, as we outgrew relationships, had children at different times, moved house and jobs and eventually retired. When younger son started school we found a French au-pair to enable me to return to work and became good friends with her parents and family. We spent summer and winter hols in their village as our sons grew up and now we live there. We have been incredibly lucky to find our niche, I know. Our English friends are made very welcome by our French ones and vice versa, and have stayed with each other for family weddings etc on both sides of La Manche. Somehow Phil and I have managed to survive together despite the ups and downs everyone goes through over half a century, but I can't begin to explain why. I have no religious faith but am beginning to think Destiny organises things to happen as they do.
Perhaps the secret is to have only plans for the next year or two, and to deal with things as they arise? Don't try and look too far ahead but make the most of the present? I know it's easy to say when you have health and are financially comfortable, but we have not always had either advantage and health wise we are both feeling our age, and are not complacent.
During our current stay in the UK, a close french friend died in France. As her sister in law said, we have to make the most of now, as tomorrow may never happen.
I only hope that, should I lose Phil, my lifetime's rock, I would not fall to pieces and would keep good friends and make new ones. If I am lonely, I will blame myself alone, but that is how I see my situation and is no criticism of anyone who can't cope with being alone. As the only child of two only children I can usually amuse myself when I have to and fortunately we live a short walk from the village shop and 2 bars!
A positive attitude is valuable - has anyone any insights as to how to culture one, particularly if you have been a "glass-half-empty" type hitherto? If you are depressed and withdrawn, the advice to go forth and meet new people would be counter-productive, as helpful as telling a newly-disabled person to emulate paralympics athletes and win gold medals!
I like the graph analogy. You do hear of some longevity wedding anniversaries and one presumes the couple were very young when they met. In my case I was in my teens but my husband was older so we courted for 6 years (for the sake of others more than ourselves) before marrying. In the UK we were in a Young Farmer group and I can think of at least 8 couples we meet with still on our return, all of whom have been married for around 30 years (us being one of the last and celebrated 30 in 2014).
That's interesting Melissa but I'm not sure I agree - I'm not sure lack of time is the problem, I think that under a certain age people are far more a work in progress or a site under construction and their life experience has often been fairly limited & that's why it is easier for them to make real friends; things are harder later on, people's experiences have been different, their characters are more fixed and less flexible and there's less ease in adapting : I'm thinking here of people who are single & have been all their life so far & want to find themselves a significant other in their 40s or 50s - it is very difficult simply because they are too set in their ways so the possible OK partners have to fit a very narrow set of parameters, or so it seems to me as an observer (my case study was a neighbours' son) I also think that even adaptable people become less adaptable as far as certain things are concerned, with age and I don't think that helps either.
I don't personally know anyone who met and stayed with their future spouse still in their teens but I can see two possibilities on an imaginary graph: both young, both follow their curve in tandem = all OK. Both young: in harmony at a given point along 2 separate curves, where they intersect & then go their separate ways (eg my parents, who were undergraduates when they had me...)
Good to hear,we can meet up.I've messaged you.
ps perhaps thar should be “as I didn’t”
People here want simple sentences with words of two syllables,
Hi there Cathy. You are confusing this forum with the entire internet I'm afraid. What you seek cannot be found on internet forums because it is pretty much impossible to have such a complex and delicate discussion when A, You are talking to people you (mostly) do not know and B, You are communicating only via written words without the advantage of being able to see the persons facial expressions.
Don't feel to bad about the "yeah - I can't imagine why you're lonely Cathy" comment. You did go some way to earning it. Just saying.....
Out of interest, I spent a while living around the Cambridge area of Ontario once. Every day I would meet and talk to people of Scottish decent. 90% of them were the nicest people you could ever wish to meet. However the other 10% were knobs.
I had a good look at your blog and it seems very interesting BUT I stopped reading after a while and went in search of a picture of you. You see if I am going to read something like that I NEED to know who's words I am reading. I don't know why but without a face to go with the words I just cannot be that engaged.
Lovely pictures btw.
Anyway. Carry on everyone. :)
This discussion on loneliness and ideas has become one about friendship and animals. I think most peoples’ closest friendships are born in their younger years, which is hardly surprising as we are thrown together everyday in schools where we not only worked, but played or chatted for hours together as well. We were also relatively free to say what we liked and could make or break relationships without it being detrimental to our well being as we usually had family to return to or could contact for sympathy and guidance. Unfortunately for a large number this is not true, but should be. In later life we may have more in common with some people we meet, common interests, circumstances, if not the language, but we no longer have the time to develop a relationship which goes deep within us and I think that, unfortunately a lot of us humans spend the rest of our lives searching instead of realising that almost everyone around you is in the same predicament.
Apart from raging hormones, this could also explain why so many people meet and stay with their future spouse when still in their teens despite , on the surface, them having almost nothing in common as far as their background is concerned (as I did) - there was plenty of time and/or money to spend together and with his/hers or their local friends getting to know each other.
Hello Cathy, I hope I am not making the next mistake. The "email bell" was not addressed to you. It was far far simpler: any time I receive an Email, "my computer rings" - informs me.
So I hope I could clarify whatever misunderstanding.
Gosh, what a thing to say. I was going to divulge a little of my own circumstances which I think are different to the majority of those contributing here but I'm reluctant to now.
Suffice to say I agree with Cathy that pets are not always a sufficient substitute for human company. They are a great comfort, yes, but sometimes what is needed is human interaction in the form of being able to converse or laugh over something ridiculous with another adult.
I am new to this site and ready to move to France, and this is the first thread I've engaged in, good, helpful advice on different topics concerning living in France with everyone enabled to have their own hobbies and beliefs and live in harmony and peace and be uplifting and supportive of each other. :-)