Thanks so much Georgie, I’m in 11 in the Aude in a little village called Conilhac Corbieres. I’m off the UK myself on Thursday to visit my dad with the kids. It’s been booked for ages so I have to go. It’s only for 5 days thought, thank goodness. Would love to give you a ring sometime for a chat though. Thanks so much
Gill
Where are you based Gill? Do you have friendly support near you?
Perhaps if you let us know where you are some of us who are near can help support you through this difficult time (as well as lending a shoulder :0). Extra help and friends to meet up for a coffee, find a new group to help distract you a little, sharing dinner time, wandering around markets, help with babysitting etc…
I’m in 22, which i don’t think is much help. But sure others will be nearer… I’m also leaving for the UK for a few months - and our house will be empty for a bit. If you want to chat about having a change of scene for a while, give me a ring. 0296428596
Hugs. Georgie
Hi Jacqueline,
I don’t have a penny to my name. I don’t think I’ve ever had savings!!! hopefully there will be some help out there if he refuses to support us. I really can’t see that happening but then again I would never have predicted him saying all this stuff so who knows.
Gill xx
Thanks Amber,
Thats great because all I need right now is advice. I wouldn’t even be going down this route if he hadn’t made such threats. We are getting on for the kids and being normal with each other which is surreal considering what he wants to do!!
Anyway the kids seem to be coping with it ok, hopefully this will continue.
Would be nice to keep in touch.
Thanks Gill x
Good point re the savings - note to self drink more coffee before posting first thing in the mornings …
CAF only gave me my monthly regular family allowance because I have savings, so that depends on your situation financially. I agree with Catharine, as I have had friends who have gone down the Sociale route and have got alot of support. Good luck!!
Gill - you will be entitled to benefits - single parents allowance for starters. You can deal with the CAF directly but I recommend going down the assistante sociale route as I originally suggested. Once you’ve got one on board, you’ll find that they will fight your corner for you, write letters to the CAF and chase them on your behalf etc.etc. Equally, you may be lucky and get someone really helpful in the CAF but in my experience you have to chase the CAF for every last penny and the assistantes are better at knowing what you are entitled to. Chin up! xx
Hello Gillian, so sorry to hear what’s going on with you. I am a divorced American living in France and went through a similiar situation a few years ago. Was told I couldn’t try and take the kids back to the States because he could sue and win. Very different from your situation. Sounds like you want to stay here.
All I know is you need to see a lawyer asap (where do you live ? btw). Don’t think he has the right to force them back to the UK . It’s very hard to do such a thing without proof of abuse and such horrible things. Let me (us) hear how it’s going. best of luck to you.
Waffle, waffle, waffle as much as you like, its part of the healing process, I must of bent the ears of many a person, I could see that they didn’t want to hurt me and they listened, they may have been really bored, but good friends understand. Grieving is exactly the right word to use and that does take time. Yes he may loose out but he may not see it that way, unfortunately. Don’t worry about what his feelings are, its you that is so important as the moment. Without you, nothing ticks. You sound strong, Tomorrow is another day!! Jackie xxx
Thanks Jackie,
I’m being really strong at the minute and I have my moments, like last night, where I just want to cry all night but I’m a tough cookie and I think it’s just all the stuff that’s about to happen that is so daunting. I’m grieving what we had as a family and also the loss of my partner, my best friend. It’s all so surreal. I can’t believe he’s doing all this. At the end of the day he’s the one who is going to lose out, it’s such a shame.
Sorry, just started waffling!!!
Gill xx
Thanks Kirsten, much appreciated.
xx
You Will get through it Gill, At the moment, I suggest that you should only try to think of one thing at a time, just put everything into a priority list and work down it, Don’t stress as this will only make things worse for you and the kids. Its early days and everything seems like mountains. No one is going to take anything away from you and people are more understanding than we give them credit for sometimes, especially if we do not understand the language, it can seem like a big obstacle. Just listen to your gut feelings, do what you feel is best for you and your children. You will get stronger from all of this one day and become a different person, you will surprise yourself. I did. Jackie xxx
Hi Gillian,
I just want you to know that I feel for you in your predicament and applaud your adult behavior. The right thing to do is not often easy, if it were, everyone would be doing it. I think the advice you’re getting is sound. I’m afraid I don’t have any practical advice, for I don’t yet live in France, and I’ve never been divorced. I just wanted you to know that I support you, and will include you, the children, and even your husband in my prayers when I chant, “Nam-Myo-Ho-Renge-Kyo” It’s a Buddhist thing. I include your husband in my prayers, for he is the father of your children, and if he is happy too, maybe things will be a little better for all concerned. My heart of hearts is with you and the children though.
Best of luck,
Kirsten
Hi Nicola,
I home school because I think it is what’s best for my children just as you think school is best for yours. We are all different.
I still can’t even think about divorce at the minute it’s all so raw but it looks like it’s going that way. I just need to find out if I am entitled to any benefits out here. We do own the house but I don’t work obviously as I’m home educating. I wasn’t sure if the French government would give me any help considering I’m British. I hope I’m wrong.
Anyway thanks for your email.
Gill xx
Hi, how old are your children? As far as I know he has no right to make you return to England. Why do you home school them, why not put them in a french school to learn French. When I arrived here nearly 9 years ago my children knew not a word of french, it was hard at first but they managed it. I am just in the final throws of divorce here, it’s been very difficut. Do you own your own house? You can get help from the government. Try and find a solicitor who speaks some English, if you’re not working or if you receive any benefit here in france then it will be free. It is daunting at first, but it is something that you can get through. chin up x
Gillian, Waifs2010 is run by Maria-Louise Sawyer, who is going through the mill herself at the moment (and has been for some time). Although her site was principally set up for women finding themselves alone in France for whatever reason, she will also help blokes, too. I contacted her some months ago, and we are still in regular E mail contact.
She has practical suggestions, rather than dispensing tea-and-sympathy, and I suspect that you could probably do with both right now.
If you want to contact me privately, feel free.
Best wishes
Chris
Thanks Jon. We are being very civil and i’m just going to carry on as before with a smile on my face and if he chooses to go back to the UK then that is his choice. It’s heartbreaking but I am strong and will come through this and the kids are doing really well and have just had a lovely night with him at his parents.
Just wish he’d talked to me about it all.
I’m also going to get all the legal advice I can etc.
Thanks again.
Gill xxxx
Nice to know someone understands home ed Jan. It’s always hard for people to understand.
I suppose everyone has their own opinion. The kids are learning French from the children they play with in our village every day. Its such a lovely thing to see. We also have lots of friends and some home ed friends here so they do get lots of social interaction. My two are so bright and confident and such little characters.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks.
xx
But at the same time as criticising the education system you also mention THREE very real benefits for both Gillian and her children!! Learning the French Language, the Social Adaptation and providing time for Gillian to be by herself - either to deal with the shock of the situation or to deal with bureaucratic issues rising out of that situation!
Many others will have better technical knowledge than I, and I’ll leave them to respond. But this is so recent, Gill, that your first priority must still be to get over the initial shock, hurt, anger and to make sure things are as stable as possible for the children. If there were a legal process it would take a while, and evidence that you are acting as a responsbile parent would certainly count. Hope you have some friends around to offer practical support. Maybe you should also be asking people for financial and property advice to ensure again that things remain on as even a keel as possible. My greatest sympathy to you and your children at this traumatic moment, and very best wishes.