Perhaps it’s me, but I don’t have the foggiest idea of what this bloke is rambling on about.
Male loneliness epidemic.
I must be honest, I struggled to understand what the point he was making was. He was a bit scattergun so I thought it best not to think of it in terms of having a single point, and more of a commentary. At times, I thought he wandered close to virtue signaling, which was kind of ironic because I thought at first he was calling others out for that very thing.
But then of course there are worlds we don’t know. Well, certainly I don’t know; social media generally, influencers, YouTube channels… all largely unknown territory for me. And I think, at its heart, that’s what his piece was about. Males, mainly young, who seeks answers to their questions, seek solutions for their problems, seek direction for their anger, are being used by the very sources they reach out to. Are being sold to. It’s the pernicious world that many now live in.
Not only young males. My middle brother is one of these. I’ve mentioned it on another thread. Brainwashed and used, to be thrown away when no longer useful.
Well, if these lonely young men are waiting for Amazon to deliver a box of lifelong friends to their door, then they are going to have a very long wait indeed.
Perhaps if they located the ‘Off’ button on their smartphone or laptop, used it, and put their hat and coat on and went out into the real world, then they just might find some real friends instead of these online non-entities that are so often a masquerade in themselves.
My advice to these lonely people is to go out and join some type of club or association. Goodness me, it’s not as though the choice is limited. Judo, Model Trains, Bonsai, Gardening, Football, Rugby, Chess, Local Red Cross Association, Friends of the Earth. The list is virtually endless.
It’s so sad that there seem to be so many people who have lost the ability to speak with, and relate to, other real people in real life.
I don’t want to tar all with the same brush but some of those clubs might well resolve the loneliness issue but do nothing to tackle, or worse enforce, misogynistic attitudes. I’m thinking maybe less so bonsai than rugby!
But, yes, any step in the direction of tackling the issues behind male toxicity is a good step - even if it has caveats. As the guy in the FB clip said (and, my, I realise now he WAS saying many pertinent things!) it’s something that will take a very long time. That stuff is ingrained and won’t wash out overnight.
I understand that women play Rugby these days, with some considerable displays of skill.
There’s a good chance they’d end up with severe heat stroke if they did that today, so not an ideal situation.
I don’t believe I ever felt that social media was going to be a great thing, but now I think the vast majority is toxic. The constant need for affirmation, " I’ve had 100’s of likes", the spread of misinformation, the cowardice of some who are emboldened to dish out vitriol as they hide behind pseudonyms.
And men feeling lonely in a world with all this media at their fingertips? They need to put 2 and 2 together, turn off the phone, switch off the tele and get out, ( factor 50 and a hat) talk to people face to face in real time.
Indeed. The England womens team are incredible to watch and, I have to say on a personal level, I find watching them does challenge some of the notions I wasn’t even aware I had.
Which wasn’t quite my point and I’ll assume you’ve been around long enough to know what I meant! Even the Engand womens team face misogyny despite their incredible athleticism and skill.
Male loneliness was not invented by social media, and for a little perspective, forums like SF are social media too. Getting out and meeting people can help sometimes, but is far from a universal solution, particularly as some males do not enjoy the company of others, and there may be circumstances around their lives causing then to feel lonely that are not connected to meeting people.
Humans are much more complicated than a simple Loneliness + Company = Contentment
Loneliness may well have depression at its root, sometimes placed there by being told they are inadequate, that being masculine is wrong and bad, masculinity is toxic and men always treat women badly.
.I find it helpful sometimes to view my attitudes and actions through that very lens. Helps me to tease out masculinity from basic humanity, enables me to question myself and maybe see myself as others might see me.
It’s a battle to be waged on many fronts, most I can little influence, but I can start with myself and start looking at my own attitudes and how they might form of a part of an unacceptable, if not toxic, masculinity.
‘Figuratively speaking’, but then I’m sure that you understand my meaning.
Basically, stop winging about the problem and DO something about it.
There is always a challenge to live well, to build up and not tear down, to encourage positive rather than harmful behaviour.
It seems to me that often these men think they are doing something about it. They’re just turning to the wrong places (and being used it would seem) and getting harmful advice. Tbh, I think they are lesser victims and not to be blamed. I don’t profess to know the solution but it would certainly be helpful if such men knew where to find help and for that help to be available. Tackling the root causes of the alienation (be they unemployment, poverty, whatever) would be useful too.
I don’t read anything off Facebook so confess have not viewed the piece.
I’d like to comment however that many work situations no longer offer what they did for men.
Working on building sites, mines etc and hands-on production is only for a small proportion of young men now. My own experience of site and production work where there is always an element of physical danger and actual risk, over a lifetime taught me the value of real teamwork in physically and critically demanding situations.
Boastful and stupid people are soon shown up in such situations and everyone learns to be measured and considerate (up to a point) or you soon get taken down. You also have to trust your workmate not to expose you to danger.
Young men need this and older and more experienced men as mentors. I still remember word for word important advice older artisans gave me 50 years ago.
In other situations in life beyond work, I’d say offshore sailing would be a good place to start for a lot of young men. The sea is a hard mistress and there’s no one to show your muscles off to out there…
Also a place to start
I’ve read some very positive stuff about the men’s shed groups. I’ve no personal experience, nor even know anyone that has, but it reads like a positive.