Mid-life Crisis

Hi all,


I think I'm suffering from a mid-life crisis. The thing is, I haven't HIT mid-life yet--I HOPE to have more than another 37 years! I find myself longing to change careers even though I enjoy about 70% of what I do. There are some aspects though that are just getting to be too much and I'm afraid that I'm just going to get too bitter. I think it is that frustration with parts of my job combined with being a relatively new mom (just under a year) and still struggling with the language/ new situations that I deal with that is doing it to me. Anyway, have any of you gone through this? What did you do? Did you stick it out and stay at your job/ make the best of things, or did you make a change? If you made a change, do you now regret it?

very relevant post for me today Holly! I feel very much the same at times and wonder why I moan! I too have a great life, great husband and kids but somehow feel like I have no idea what I want from life.

I do think it has a lot to do with forward planning. We too started a new life from U.K to SA and in between had a spell in France. Always planning, planning, planning! My kids are older now (teens) and at a great school and of course our business is locked into where we live. So for the time being we need to stay put. Aside from doing the best I can at mothering and taking joy in my kids lives, it's all a little mundane!!!

maybe it's just age and the excitement of what life has to offer is not so exciting anymore!!! lol
you may be kind of stuck right now but what about giving yourself a new challenge, one that might stretch you as a person. It is so important to take time for yourself too, get a sitter and get out and be you. I did just that this evening and went to see a band at a local pub that I like all by myself on the spur of the moment. I met some interesting people, had a sing along and for a while lost myself in the music and was actually comforted by coming home to the mundane!!!

So my next challenge is to plan something, save for it and go and do it for MYSELF!!! Now to just figure out what that is???? URGH......

So you are not alone (thankyou for the candid post) and in the meanwhile I am off to google Danuta's link!!!


Carol,

You know, that IS a way that I never thought to look at things. Thanks for letting me look at things from a new perspective.

mmmmmmmmmm , this is going to sound like a huge plug for what I'm doing here, but I'll go for it anyway, I offer yoga courses here in the Gers which are a unique blend of self-enquiry and spiritual practises through which I can promise that you'll be able to find your own answer the question Rosie asked'' what do you want out of life'' google radhacaudet and you'll find us.

are you maybe a little blue following your sons birth? you have had so much going on for some time, you havent had time to settle and get used to it all. When we moved to France I was on such a high, we didnt have quite the life changing situation you did...but we said goodbye to our kids, sold the family home, gave up our jobs and followed our dream. We floated...for about 4 maybe 6 months.

You may need a little time just to sit and smell the roses....and settle in to your new life...and maybe get used to the fact your old life has gone...because no matter how happy we are with our 'new' situation, if we were not unhappy before...we may still mourn our old life.

Thank you all for your advice. Rosie, you asked exactly what I want out of life. I don't know! In most respects I'm a very lucky woman. I have a loving husband and adorable son who is, for the most part, a wonderfully good- natured almost one year old. We've got a roof over our heads, we both have jobs, cars, a little saved in case an appliance breaks down (heck, we've got appliances!). I DO have friends and even though I can't SPEAK the language, I understand a lot of it. So, what's my problem? I have no idea. Sometimes I dread waking up in the morning (especially Monday through Friday), and feel like I spend a lot of time LOOKING for something to be miserable about even though that's the last thing I want.

Falling in love and getting married was a big deal, moving to France was a big deal, moving to a house was a big deal, having my son was a big deal. Maybe I'm just looking for the next big adventure? and if so, wh can't I just be content with what I DO have, which is an incredible life?

I would suggest not to change too many things at the same time !Having a baby allows you to intensify your French learning, as speaking French is the 'key to happiness' while living in France.. Unfortunately the French don't make life easy if you do not speak their language, so work on this challenge first and look at the job situation later on .. Be happy!

Hi Holly,

Good that you've said how you feel! I'd just add a rather mundane bit of advice to look after yourself by trying not to get over-tired. Plenty of time to party later, its really early days after giving birth. It sounds like you're doing VERY well.

What wise wonderful people we have in this group. Their wisdom is beneficial to us all as those feelings are not just reserved for mid-lifers. Thank you for sharing the problem as the answers are helping others too.

I know how you feel. When I had my first child I had just moved to France, couldn't speak the language, had no job, was alone most of the time and lived in the middle of nowhere. I stuck it out and did find some teaching jobs but now see that I made a lot of mistakes. If you enjoy 70% of your job that is a start and you need some time to get used to being a new mum and learning a new language. Do you meet up with other new mothers? I joined an anglophone mother support group and it was very helpful to be able to talk with other people in the same situation as me.

Holly I am sure this is to do with everything new that is going on in your life...motherhood is a biggie and living abroad another biggie. Job wise, better to think long and hard before jumping ship...some of us chop and change a bit...I nursed till I was 40 then changed career...so maybe my midlife crisis...and am doing the same again now at 58.... but always worth looking at what is making you want to change....I gave up nursing after being a matron in a home with terrible problems...after 2 years I never wanted to nurse again!...maybe work out what it is about the 30% of the job you dont like and see if you improve that...either way, good luck.

Hallo Holly,

I think you are being too hard on yourself. What exactly do you want out of Life ? You are a new mother - how wonderful, so you should treasure the time you have with your child, as they grow up far to quickly. Secondly, you are lucky enough to have a job as well, there are a couple of things to consider - do I want to be a good mum or a career mum ? Why try to change jobs at the present time ? To have both is very difficult. I know as I had to be both - not by design, but absolute necessity, as I was a single mum. So what advice can I give you ? Nothing really - you have to choose, and only you know what you really want out of your life. I hope it works out for you.

Holly, have you been able to resolve your concerns ? Or was it a case of feelings of let down after the holidays ?

Anyway I hope you are back on track. Sorry, but I don't have any suggestions, but I know the language part will improve with time,,