It's been almost two weeks since the vet came to my house to put my dog to sleep & I can actually talk about it with only a little tremble from my bottom lip! I would have never thought that an animal could provide so much pleasure, comfort & stability merely by being. Nina has been my constant companion for 12 years, joining me after being rescued by a holiday maker friend from a life of being locked in a cellar of an empty house for 5 days out of 7 while the family worked away. I was offered the dog but did not want the tie but in the end agreed to take her & find a new owner. Within 24 hours she was following me everywhere. I did not have the heart to tell her not to waste her emotions on me as she would not be staying, so my pet she became!
It was a decision I never once had reason to regret. Despite her early years she turned out to be a well adjusted, well behaved, astute & loyal companion. I cannot remember having to repremand her ever! We would go everywhere together where possible & she never did anything I felt was inappropriate. We were welcome everywhere!
A few years ago she developed a problem with her pancreas & after a worrying weekend at the vets she was treated but had to have a special diet, boring for her but vital & successful. It was a scare for me & brought it home to me that dogs have a comparatively short lifespan. I would one day lose my companion. It was about this time that I met my oh, also a dog lover, she & Nina hitting it off immediately. It was interesting to see how Nina made sure that she treated us both equally, favouring neither of us above the other. Perfect.
In recent months Nina has found it difficult, but not painful, to use her hind legs, following us at a gentle pace until she would become too tired. She would just stand until I came to carry her back. A few weeks ago it was evident that it was getting more difficult for her so the distances became smaller, going outside the house only for necessary purposes. When my oh left to spend a few weeks visiting family it was just Nina & I. Very soon Nina showed signs of deteriorating. She was not eating or drinking & would sleep for most of the day. After a few days I took her to the vet who confirmed that her pancreas problem had returned. They would do tests but keep her in overnight. I was optimistic as this had always worked before & I expected my visit the following day to show me a restless dog pleased to see me.
I arrived at the vets the following day to see Nina lying in her cage, her fur wet from her own wee, staring at nothing. The tests had shown that her liver & kidneys were also breaking down, the drip was providing fluid which was just passing right through. She looked so miserable...
I said to the vet that if there was no change overnight I would take her home. It was obviously her time. The next day I arrived to be told that Nina had not responded to treatment. Wrapped in a towel I put her in the car & asked the vet to come to the house later to release Nina from the discomfort she must now be in. This would not be until the following morning - it could have been done there & then, but I wanted Nina to be in comfortable surroundings, clean & relaxed.
That afternoon she had a gentle shower, a good dry & brushing, lying on a bed of towels & blankets which needed changing every few minutes. She dozed every now & then, waking to give a little cry, my cue to give her a little cuddle. In the morning the vet duly arrived. By 9.30 Nina was at peace.
Although it is difficult to accept, I feel that I made the right choice, made easier by reading Garth Stein's book "The Art of Racing in the Rain" narrated by a dog called Enzo, from which I quote:-
"Gestures are all that I have; sometimes they must be grand in nature." "...that's why I'm here nowwaiting for Denny to come home - he should be here soon- lying on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor in a puddle of my own urine.
I'm old. And while I'm very capable of getting older, that's not the way I want to go out. Shot full of pain medication and steroids to reduce the swelling of my joints. Vision fogged with cataracts."
"But I don't want to be kept alive. Because I know what's next"
I like to think that Nina felt this way.
