My wife has always had and loved cats her whole life, and my children are very affectionate with them too. We currently have three cats, living out in the countryside with us. The third cat has been with us for about 3 years now, but during the past several months we’ve been seeing her less and less until the point that she’s not visiting at all, not even to eat! We’ve gone out searching for her around the hamlet and put up ‘lost’ posters, but then she’d show up again, only to disappear soon afterwards.
We knew she was often going to see a good neighbour, and she likes hanging out with her in their garden. I know this neighbour would not feed her, but she doesn’t discourage her from staying there, or sleeping in her barn, despite we have asked multiple times if she could politely shoo her away.
We were suspicious that a different neighbour (nextdoor to this neighbour) has been taken her in and feeding her… We don’t venture to that side of the hamlet, because it’s a dead end road, and we have no reason to go in that direction. Our son did go over a couple of months ago to speak with her, to ask her if she was feeding our cat because she wasn’t coming home to eat, but she denied it. Also we had found tins of cat food in the shared communal bin, despite no-one else keeps cats.
These past 2-3 weeks our cat hasn’t returned home at all until about 3 days ago, and she’s been coming to eat at our home every day and then quickly disappears again. We’ve checked her over, and she seems to be well fed. We made some enquiries and the neighbour we suspect of having fed her, has gone away on holiday! It’s quite obvious at this point that she has been taking in our cat and feeding her. My wife is very angry about it, and my kids love their cat, so it’s not going down well in our household. When this neighbour (who we don’t know well) returns, I suspect my wife is going to confront her and read her the riot act. I’m usually the diplomat and the non-confrontational type. I can’t blame her for being angry, but I wondered what you might do in this situation? Obviously we will try to get an admission from her first, that she is indeed feeding our cat inside her house. If she tries to deny it, I’m not sure what we can do, short of using a tracking tag to prove exactly where she’s going.
Over the years I have had this 3 times, I am afraid I am pragmatic about it and just accept that if the cat is happy and well then I just accept that it happens.
We have 9 cats and one of the twins Erica started doing this, she would go away for a day, then a couple of days, the a week or two, then stopped coming back altogether, we searched for her to no avail and hoped she had moved on to another home and was happy.
6 months later she started coming in the cat door and eating and seeing her siblings, but going away after an hour, she is well looked after and I am happy that she is ok and not dead.
Cats are intelligent with their own well defined personalities, Erica was always stubborn and a bit of a loner and we reckon just found somewhere in the farms aroundabout that she was happier and was probably the only cat where she didn’t have to vie for attention with 8 other cats and a dog.
We haven’t enquired around about her as she has made up her mind where she wants to stay, bar keeping her in the house we cannot stop her going away, maybe the person who looks after her is lonely and loves the company.
I suppose in your situation I would get another kitten for the family and see if they comes back on her own, I take the approach that if she is happy and enjoys the life she has, then I would be happy she is alive and well but has chosen to have two homes, you can’t really force a cat to do what it doesn’t want to, they are too intelligent for that.
I agree with Griffin, the cat has chosen to do this there’s not much to do. Perhaps go to see the person in a friendly non confrontational way to check they know that this is not a stray cat and are happy to become it’s foster home. “Oh look our cat seems to have decided to live with you? Is that ok with you as we didn’t want her to leave”. And maybe say that you are happy to step in when they go away so tge cat is well looked after.
My last cat just appeared in my garden. Slightly skinny and obviously a house cat as it marched in and curled up on a chair. I didn’t actually want a cat but asked around and couldn’t find anyone who had lost a cat so that was it. Cat lived with me for next 17 years.
My instictive reaction is “move away quickly before they change their minds”. We had it happen with one cat, but then they DID change their minds and it came back to us.
There’s every chance the cat will come back again, but this isn’t something you can really control and if it wants to go elsewhere, short of shutting it in the house there’s little you can do. I’d be inclined to take the suggestion of acquiring a new kitten since you’re already a multi-cat family.
Thank you Griffin36, JaneJones and Ancient Mariner. It’s funny, because I must admit I had a preconceived notion that replies from animal lovers would also be fuming at a neighbour for feeding somebody else’s pet, and no pun intended, but you’ve offered food for thought. I will have to mull it over because you might be right, maybe she is happier elsewhere. She’s certainly been a cat that’s hard to predict. We got her from a rescue home, having been found in a suitcase with her kittens.
A couple of months ago she came back and she was very clingy. We thought she’d decided to come back to us for good, until a large hidden abyss opened up on her back, and after some expensive vet fees, we kept her in until she was healed, and then she was off again! I’m hoping if she does end up living with the neighbour, she will take the necessary responsibility of looking after her, including any potential visits to the vets.
Cats do move when they feel like it. One of mine, very affectionate and sociable but in a busy household with other cats, used to go with our dog to hang out with a friend of hers (my neighbours’ dog) just under a km away across the vines and ended up moving in, he was treated like a pasha by my neighbours whose aged semi-feral cat had died so I ended up handing over his carnet de santé and he has lived with them for the last getting on for 20 years. I get reports from time to time.
That would certainly be what would annoy me, having had exactly that problem with a dotty old lady who gave ours a second breakfast and helped him gain a lot of weight. And I was astonished by someone whose house we visited: feeders and even a litter tray, but for a cat who only visited!
I think the difficulty is that the cat seems to have made a choice, and this is (obviously!) based on its preferences and without any vestige of loyalty.
Edit: while I was writing, I see further responses were posted. I’m not surprised to see that she was a rescue, and a mother to boot. She’s obviously had to fend for herself to a degree, and obviously appreciated being looked after. I think you will have to chalk this one up as one long act of kindness on your part!
We made the decision when our cat arrived that we would keep him indoors overnight, to keep him safe and to protect wildlife. I suspect it also made him feel more linked to us, but it would be difficult if you prefer to let the cats have access to the outside all the time. Ours comes in for his supper (we don’t free-feed), shortly before dusk, for which we feed his favourite sort of food, and stays in after that until the morning. He’s happy with that arrangement, which has to be tweaked a little in the darker months.
If you’re happy with where your cat has gone, and the neighbour acknowledges she’s there, then I’d be inclined to be happy with her choice. But - as someone else said - if that creates a vacancy, then adopting another - especially one used to a multi-cat household - would be an idea.
Cats can be pretty independent. Our neighbour in the UK had two cats, one that stayed and one that left them for a new home down the road somewhere. They moved house and later we adopted the new neighbour’s cat who often came to see us. He later came to France with us, where he lived the life of Riley. The only cat for miles and unlimited mice and other delicacies ! He was small and had always been chased by the big bully cats in the area - he had often come in with lumps of fur missing… and he had been teased by the neighbour’s two boys. He was very happy being fierce in rural France. He loved to sit on top of the roof and survey his empire. He sucked up to all our B&B visitors, but he generally bit us. That’s thanks for you!
Thanks again for the replies everyone. I spoke to my wife about it again this morning, and she did say we don’t get to choose a cat, a cat chooses us. I think she can accept that the cat would prefer to be elsewhere, but she is angry at the neighbour. In part because it’s not without precedent.
Years ago we took in a stray dog after desperately trying to find its original owner. They lived with us, and required some serious surgery, which involved us travelling far and paying a small fortune, but they recovered. Several months later he disappeared, and we put up notices online and on noticeboards, to no avail. Turned out this same neighbour had just taken him, fed him, renamed him, and kept him shut up at hers for the past few days! She was of course prepared to hand him back, but didn’t seem to realise you just don’t do those sorts of things. I sometimes wonder what goes on in peoples’ heads.
When The (poor starving skinny threadbare) Pig turned up here a couple of years ago I didn’t encourage him at all or let him in until I’d had a possible chip or tattoo checked (he had neither) and asked around with a photo to see if anyone owned or even just knew him.
I recall reading about a study of pet cats and where they went in a neighbourhood. For a few of the cats studied there were two households who were convinced that the cat was theirs, and one cat was claimed by three households. As to where they travelled, it was very variable, some going several miles and others staying very close to home.
This happened to us in both directions. My childhood cat just decided one day to go and live with our neighbours across the street. Nothing we could do to entice him back. Years later a cat from accross the street decided to come live with us. We didn’t feed it until the neighbours went on holiday for 2 weeks and left it behind. He became our cat permanently after that.
Dogs have masters, cats have staff! you obviously have been found wanting! I had a cat in India that decided that our neighbour fish curry rice was better than our minced meat lovingly cooked! her choice!
A friend recently found a cat covered in ticks, and in a sorry state, at her back door here in the Seine Maritime countryside. It clearly wanted to stay. Her vet checked it and found it was chipped, linked to a nearby rescue centre. By various means that are not entirely clear, she discovered it had been adopted by a near neighbour who’d paid the rescue centre for it.
She has (conveniently!) resolved that the cat’s interests come first, and she will not contact the neighbour, who apparently has several other cats. Whilst I think the cat’s interests are very important, I’m not convinced about the ethics of this one. However I suspect she is fairly unlikely to be caught…
