Found myself crying in front of the individual desserts in M&S on one occasion because I was no longer buying them for Mum.
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I think it’s great to have a thread like this… where one can gently mention/discuss… some of life’s downward moments.
Life isn’t all sweetness and light… and getting through the bad bits can take all one’s strength (mental and physical)… well, that’s been my experience.
Not had a major loss for a few years now, even so I can be thrown right back to square-one looking at a photograph… or finding something like Dad’s old hat at the back of the cupboard …
and yet, I use MiLaw’s butter knife every day… and often find myself smiling while I do so.
I still miss her… and she’s been dead more than 30 years…
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I lost my mother to breast cancer 40 years ago, she was 57. Such a loss does change you.
I would have loved to have asked more about her life but I was in my 20’s and had no interest.
During the last 4 years I have researched her family which now covers 5 volumes of 3000 + pages which I hope to publish this year.
I probably know more of the last 500 years of my family than my mum ever did.
The experience of researching and the knowledge gained has brought my ancestors back to life and fulfilled my own. Thanks mum for everything.
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Oh my… I just want to give you a hug… (in the nicest possible way…)
I’m trying to find my family… Mum was born out of a bigamous marriage… and I’m trying to give some sense to what happened as it so badly affected her and her mother (of course)… I don’t wish to make any claims against my grandad… just want to know…
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I was very close to my maternal Grandfather, and probably a year or two before he died I told myself that I must make the most of his remaining time. I visited frequently and discussed his life with him and did all those things I knew I had to before his death. When the dreaded day came I was distraught but I had no regrets except that I should have borrowed a camera to film him.
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Certainly I (and I suspect many others) never got around to such discussions… it was a case of certain things never being spoken of… sort of taboo… daft, I know, but that’s how it was.
Now there’s no-one left to ask… and I’d like to solve the mystery if I can, but if I can’t, then so be it.
Seriously… I would urge everyone to take the time to chat with relatives/loved ones… even about subjects which might be painful/difficult…
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Condolences AM
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You have my sincere condolences. My mother died on Christmas day last, and was a similar age. It took me a long time to be able to talk about it here. My mother was my hero.
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My English grandmother was illegitimate. The family story goes that the father of her adoptive mother brought my grandmother home and gave the child to one of his daughters on her 21st birthday “happy birthday, this is yours” style. The woman took it to heart and brought her up as if she were her own child. She did meet her mother in later years, describing her to my mother as a ‘big blousey woman’ and was a bit horrified.
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So sorry AM, so difficult losing a parent. My thoughts are with youxx
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Thanks Tory. Mostly it’s OK - a bit up and down, but keeping going. I’m best off keeping quiet.
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Whatever works for you, putting Mums house on the market, actually signing the estate agents paper work today gave me a moment almost a year on . Thoughts with you AM
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Thanks feller. I’ve been ok apart from once explaining to someone at work. We were very happy for her to go, but the emotions still need allowing out and then managing.
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Unfortunately we don’t get time off grief for having anticipated it. We still have to do the full ration of grieving, whatever the full ration is for each of us. Based on what you’ve said about your family history, it sounds like she would be enormously proud of you, funny how the wheel turns and you will be back in Europe.
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Make sure you are prepared for the end result before you embark on researching. It doesn’t always turn out the way you hope. I know, after taking a dna test I found my father wasn’t so and my biological father was a neighbour. We even played with his kids when we were small.
On the other hand it can be very enlightening and enjoyable to research your ancestors. It’s amazing what can be found on the web these days, much more information available and less need to go traipsing to the local records office. A hobby I thoroughly enjoy and have done for the last 20 years.
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It’ll be OK… it’s just my maternal-grandfather I’d like to identify, simply to remove the ? on the family tree… If I can’t find him, never mind… there’s nothing hanging on the result.
There have been only vague ideas of what went on and what sort of person he was…
My younger brother was convinced we are descended from riches… but as money was the main love of my brother’s life, that fixation is not surprising.
I’m the only one left now and for me, it’s just the fun of figuring out the puzzle…
I’ve no intention of stepping up and presenting myself to any newly-found relations.
Having said that… I’m also trying to find my French cousins (on my father’s side) … who exist, but their details/addresses are lost in the mists of time… and I’d definitely like to meet them.
You’ll be amazed how quickly that year will go and life’s far better on the other side!
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