I've not really posted here before, but I was hoping to get some advice now...
I split up with my French partner this weekend, which means I am now single and in France which at the time of moving here wasn't the plan at all. My French language is not great, I am having lessons but I am finding it so hard stringing sentences together.
I've been here just over 18 months, have my own business which is doing really well. But now I am in the position of being on my own.
My mum lives down the road, but I don't have any friends over here really.
I would love to know how single people make it in France?
The difficult thing for me is I'm not really a sociable person, so this is all the more difficult, I don't want to be working 24/7 and not meet anyone ever again!
Thanks,
Jo :)
I've had a few private messages from people who have also become single since moving to France, so I thought I'd write a bit of an update.
I'm not single anymore... I didn't really do anything different to be honest, I went about life and at the end of last year I moved house. After a couple of months of saying hello to the neighbour across the road while opening/closing the shutters, we actually got together and had a coffee. The rest is pretty much history, we've now been together for coming up to 6 months and we're off to Paris next weekend and then to the coast for a holiday in August with his daughter.
He is French and speaks no English... so my language skills have come on leaps and bounds, I can now hold a fairly good conversation in French, grammar/sentence construction is pretty rubbish still, but he understands me.
Anyway... just wanted to say thanks to everyone who messaged me at the time and afterwards. :)
Thanks Jo, sorry been super busy and been meaning to reply to you...
I'm not really a groups/classes person, but I know I'll have to change that if I want to have a social life in France. I just joined an association called Les Dames de F.E.R, and went to the first meeting on Friday, was great and I've volunteered to set-up an antenne in the Montmorillon area. I'll probably post about it separately on here, but let me know if you'd be interested in joining up. :)
Hi Jo, sorry to hear your news. I’m just down he road if you need anything and my hubbie is French if you need any help or advice with paperwork etc! If you find any classes or groups that you fancy joining but don’t want to go alone then let me know and if its nothing too extreme then I could come along with you.
Speak soon
Jo
Single or not, my experience is that it's hard to "fit in" either way. When I first came I was single, but had a fantastic FR roomie who was the link to make friends and travel around. Then, I got together with my boyfriend, now husband, and moved to a completely different area and had to start from scratch. It's SO HARD to make friends, and having a partner doesn't always make it easier because people still don't always know how to speak to you and won't make much of an effort with the language barrier.
I would agree with what others have said, joining a gym has helped me at least get out and see new faces and also get back in shape. I don't know if you work alone, but I've only just begun to teach in new places and have met several cool coworkers (who, for the most part, are also foreigners in France, so we have that in common).
A lot of people have told me it can take quite a while, and this is discouraging because I've lived all over and have never had this much trouble making friends. Hang in there and come here for support. Good luck and if you are ever in Normandy, let me know!
The sun is a shining so a good time to get out there :)
Thank you everyone for your messages, sorry I haven't been able to reply to all of you individually but work has been keeping me busy, I do hope to get time over the weekend to explore more on here and be more active! :)
Hi Shirley, thanks, but I just spoke what I believe to be true. In my current travails and often solitude, this site has literally been a lifeline, and it has surprised me t think I have found 'friends' - that elusive and often abused word.
Yes, I think there are quite a few of us Golden Oldies out there, and it is proving to be quite a bit of fun with contacts developing around shared memories. Nothing wrong with a bit of nostalgia? That's what I try to earn a crust through anyway!
The best part is learning that one is not alone or unique in having problems, and I think James and Catherine are to be praised for a brilliant concept (although I still don't like the 'survive' bit).
Hello Jo, I think you'll find that now you're forced into situations where you have to speak french,as no partner to translate, you'll make lots of progress.Thats what I found when my ex walked out 2 yrs after we arrived.I'm now into my 27th year on my own.I work at home so its difficult to meet people,and most of my friends are couples.I think the French are more family orientated than the english.I also find couples often forget that you're on your own,which is normal I suppose as they're in a family so not aware how hard it can be sometime. As for joining groups,I've done yoga,and I've been going to life drawing sessions for many years but everyone just goes there own way after,not a sign of 'shall we have a coffee'.
I wish you luck and if you love being here you'll manage fine.
Looking at your photo, I would say without any doubt that you will make a lot of new friends !!. I have started to use a site called OnVaSortir
hi Jo - i'm not too far away from you in St Junien tho' there is a large brit community in your area
if however, you fancy trying the online dating sites I don't know if this helps but I went on a few online sites ( I lost my wife through cancer last year) and came to the following conclusions based on my personal experiences
Easyflirt - french dating site - keep away, you really do get some weirdos sending messages
Meetic - french site - pretty good system and some excellent contacts far afield as well as literally on my doorstep, I met a few nice ladies though some of the ladies said they had experienced a few 'dodgy' contacts on Meetic
eDarling - french site - the best french dating site I tried, all the contacts were genuine and a really good vetting system. The lady I am currently with used eDarling only and reckons all but one of the contactswere 'genuine' (the only bad one proposing to spend a weekend together without even meeting to see if they were 'compatible' !
francedating.expatica.com - english speaking site in France for expats - excellent site where I have been in contact with some lovely ladies. All contacts were 'genuine' and the idea of being able to converse in my mother tongue was brilliant despite me being a fluent french speaker
so I would recommend you try eDarling or francedating.expatica - hope this helps a bit
I also visited two dating sites in Limoges - both were asking a one-off fee of about 1500€ to find my 'perfect match', both agencies run by single ladies as it happens, one was charming and couldn't be more helpful with no pressure but the other would have got on well with Goebbles ! I didn't try either as I fancied my chances online at a fraction of the cost !
good luck
Hi Jo. Pouitou Charente has so many English speakers. There is a lively group near Civray. Just be open to people and you will get that back.
How would you find someone in your country of birth? Go to dances, in France the social events in the Commune, local church, etc. go out and enjoy yourself, the right person will be looking for you!
Jo, welcome to what I call the 'Lifesaver Network'. Many people here use this place to recover pride, give solace, and generally be supportive to anyone and everyone who enters. Put bluntly - it's a hell of a good place to be - even when we disagree with each other.
I am one of the 'old farts' on the site - no money, domestic hassles - all the usual crap, but still trying to look through the right end of the telescope, and still glad to be doing it in a country that is still beautiful, and people in the main being really nice, which is far better than I found in London.
Stay with it, don't be ashamed or restrained in asking advice or even opening up your heart and sharing your worries.
There are a lot of good people here, although I confess I didn't realise it at first.
Hi Joe, Must say I feel and know your pain - I came to France 6 years ago not speaking a word of french with my then French fiancee of 3 years, we married here in France and 4 years later he walked out and filed for divorce one month after I lost my job. I live about 10 minute drive from a villiage but fortunately there are a few houses around. Being 'alone' really made me question everything but after lots of self doubt, reflection,- don't laugh, I bought a dog (who is now my best friend) I am picking myself up pushing myself to get to know my neighbours through walking my dog and the language barrier is slowly disappearing - I cannot believe how kind and helpful my neighbours are and have been. I am not a person who likes on line dating etc. and although worked in the computer industry for many years find social networks .....well!!!!!!! If you need someone to talk to, I am a great listner - best thing of all remember your not alone - If I can help in any way please, please, please reach out - do not hesitate
Gabrielle
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Blow! cant find any one here for them.
Hi Annie, I'm in the Cotes d'Armor in Brittany, near Lamballe, quite a way from Dordogne! I do travel and work all over France but the 'frais de deplacement' is sometimes higher than the fitting cost
Hi Jo
I came from the end of the world alone to be in France. Dirt poor with no money to socialise including a hard time paying for train rides to Paris to meet people. I had some adventures thanks to match.com (meetic) and eventually found my current boyfriend. Without the internet I'd never have met anyone.
There are alot of us aren't there!!!! Where bouts are you jasen? I have friends who need a "carpet man"????
Thanks Jasen, I love it here, so no plans to move back to the UK either... I do need to give it a shot on my own, and initially when I was considering moving here it was going to be on my own, I just happened to meet my ex-partner around that time which moved things along a bit faster than maybe they would have.