An eighty year old Dales farmer visited his local doctor. Walking in to the consulting room he boasted "Eh up Doc, ma 28 year old bride is up the spout with a kid! What does tha think o' that then?
The wisely doctor bade him sit down, and said, "Now then lad, I shall tell thee a story."
"A farmer about the same age as thisen spotted a fox in his top paddock, and in a flap to get the feral animal grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun!"'
The doctor continued, "He got close enough to let both barrels rip, aimed - and popped open the umbrella!" "Bang! and the fox dropped dead!"
"Now," said the doctor, "what do you think happened there lad?"
The farmer chirped up briskly, "well, obviously, some other bugger shot the bloody fox!"
The doctor camly replied, "and there, I rest my case lad"
Better than any Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea...
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young Minister noticed a cut glass
bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this"?
Pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes, she replied, Isn't it wonderful"?
"I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground".
"The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease".
"Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter".
Worked for me :-)