Ten things I love about France


(Catharine Higginson) #1

I am always complaining about my host country, so I thought today I would redress the balance and list Ten Things I Love about France.


Please feel free to add some of your own...


The wine - It is cheap enough to bath in. Which you may need to do due to the astronomical cost of water.


Petrol stations that sell alcohol - This is most useful on a Sunday afternoon when everywhere else is shut and you are gagging for a pint of white wine.


The school bus service that collects your offspring from the garden gate - ideal for those mornings after the night before, when you are unfit to operate a moving vehicle.


The political incorrectness that your offspring will experience when they attend school. Only in France would teachers refer to ethnic minorities as being ‘slitty eyed’ and admit to ‘being desperate for a fag.’


Slapping of kids by teachers - Your children will appreciate you so much more when they realise that other adults are liable to slap them too. Plus, you can slap your own kids and other people’s without risking a visit from Social Services.


Marriage at 15 - If despite your best efforts to slap them into submission, your teens remain unruly, you can marry them off early.


Lunch time menus - cheap, plentiful and delicious. Admittedly they tend to feature offal and animals that we think of as pets, but hey, just because something is fluffy and cute doesn’t mean you can’t eat it.


Eating pets - It is perfectly acceptable to buy your kids fluffy ducklings for Easter, cute baby bunnies, gamboling lambs and little chirping chicks. And then eat them. We refer to this as ‘Pet Rotation’. No one gets bored with any particular pet and once they have been eaten, the pets can be replaced with new, cute, baby versions. The guinea pigs are very nervous....


No need to worry about wearing expensive clothes - The dress code is a flowery pinny and gum boots for women and a beret, blue trousers (held up with baler twine) and gum boots for men.


Your GP can prescribe spa treatments - You will need these to cure the rampant athletes foot caused by constantly wearing gum boots. A detox spa cure is also recommended for those of us who have become alcoholics due to the price of wine and the overriding need to drown our sorrows.


(nikki edwards) #2

LMAO Pet Rotation! also a great way of avoiding over priced supermarkets - and you know exactly what you’re eating!


(Liane Edwards) #3

Love it, is water expensive in Normandy?


(Stuart Wilson) #4

Brilliant Catharine…as usual. Loved the Pet rotation :smiley:


(Catharine Higginson) #5

@ Ricky _ I might have to steal that one for next years Christmas quiz!

@ Anil - thank you! *takes a bow*

@ John - Now now, this was ten things I like about France....although your suggestion of using them to one's advantage is pure genius and should be hi-lighted. I'm off to do just this in a moment...


(John West) #6

Catharine , time you sat down with a nice glass of wine I think !! ... you forgot to mention the reams of letters, all saying something different, that you get from various departments of the RSI, Asedic etc. HOWEVER, this can be used to your advantage, and to cause the system further chaos, in this way.

I now photocopy each one, and send it recorded delivery to the address shown on one of the others asking for an explanation ! !


(Ricky Myles) #7

Becoming more French: You know you’re becoming more French when rather than mend a punctured wellie boot, your footwear consists of sock, polythene bag, then wellie boot. (Qui? Moi?)