The Joke Shop

Im the sort of person who loves a good joke! Unfortunately Im also the sort who, as soon as they have heard it - fogets it! I can never remember a joke when I want to re-tell it! So let hear your favourites, written down here so they’re not forgotten. Lets have the good ones, the great ones, and the groaners! Heres one my hubby sent from work this morning to get things started- made me laugh anyway…!

I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.

Today’s word is… Fluctuations

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I

only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too

Three men were hiking through a forest…
when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:’ God, please give me the strength to cross the river.
God gave him big arms and strong legs…and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, but almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river’
God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs…and he was able to row across in about an hour but almost capsized once
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools
and the intelligence to cross the river’

She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream…and walked across the bridge
Guys, if at first you don’t succeed, do it the way your wife told you!


One morning while making breakfast,

a man walked up to his wife,

pinched her on the butt and said.

'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of

your control top pantyhose.’

While this was on the edge of intolerable

she kept silent.

The next morning,

the man woke his wife with

a pinch on each of her breasts

and said.

'You know, if you firmed these up,

we could get rid of your bra.’

This was


a silent response.

So she rolled over.


grabbed him

by his


With a death grip in place,

she said.

'You know,

if you

firmed this up,

we could

get rid of

the gardener

the postman

the pool man


your brother!’

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic with an insomniac?

You get someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a Dog…