I have been in France for about six years. My husband is French, but he speaks English with me. I work in an international school and basically only speak French during conseils (where I normally just keep my mouth shut). The nanny we have for our son speaks English (She speaks French with our two year old son who is/will be bilingual.). All of the friends that I have in France speak English, or if they don't speak English well, we get by on a mixture of "Franglish". In other words, I've been spoiled rotten here as far as not having to learn French.
In February, we went to Nancy where my husband's family lives. I was extremely aware of how much French I have to learn as hardly anyone there spoke English, and ever since we've returned, I just have this feeling that if I'm ever going to live my life truly independently (I rely on my husband but don't LIKE that I rely on him so much), I'm going to have to learn French. The thing is, I don't LIKE that I have to learn it. I've made sacrifices in coming to France and sometimes I feel like I'm the one doing everything to fit in. Can't someone give in to MY demands for a change?? Arrrgh! I know, completely illogical, right? I know that, but somehow that highly selfish part of me that demands that everyone know English keeps rearing its ugly head.
How do YOU cope? Are you like me, frustrated with learning a beautiful language since, hey, you already know one, right? How long did it take you to learn French? (Gotta say I understand much more than I speak and sound pretty darn cool with what I want to say in my head until I open my mouth).
Holly, have a look at the Useful Links page http://www.survivefrance.com/page/useful-links . Scroll right down to the bottom and you'll find an Education section which includes a great deal of info on how and where to learn French. My wife learned English by reading Agatha Christie with a dictionary by her side and by going shopping!
second what Véro and Alexander say. In fact everything and anything in French will help but motivation is the key. I started doing Italian at evening classes when I was 30 following a holiday there. Went on to do a degree in Italian and French, maîtrise in French and PGCE MFL and ended up teaching French to foreign students at an IUT here. Try to break the mold of using English all the time, especially as you have the huge advantage of being here in France. I understand the uphill struggle - I have a big problem getting my kids to understand even the simplest phrases in English - they just don't see the point! (I'm the only anglophone they come into contact with and end up speaking French most of the time because it's easier!)
Make a list of novels you have enjoyed and re-read them, in French. Then move on, to books you haven't already read. I say books you have read already first because you will find it a lot easier to read a story you know.I read a lot mainly in French & English because those are my native languages but I also read a lot in other languages because what I want to read hasn't yet been translated, eg, and I find it really helps vocab retention/acquisition and learning grammatical structures & spelling pretty much by osmosis. It certainly makes a huge difference when you want to have an interesting rather than simply utilitarian conversation.
Merci. Je suppose que c'est nécessaire pour moi prendre mon vie en mes mains, et je doit faire sa. Je peut acheter les magazines de merde (parce que leur sont amusant) et peut être c'est se que j'ai besoin. J'ai interest en avoir les personnes me comprendre. C'est tout. C'est pas nécessaire pour moi converser en les cercles très sophistique--c'est pas possible pour moi obtenir une invitation! :-) Merci encore.
I guess my take is skewed because I wanted to learn French in the first place (in fact, for me, that is true with more or less any non-native language that I have come across). For as long as you perceive learning French to be a chore, you will resent almost anything to do with learning it. Having had a similar situation with my ex-wife when we lived in Germany, even regular lessons with the Goethe Institut did not help overcome that resentment and the difficulty for her, of being there. Your own perception of your situation is one of the major issues to deal with. If you can find things positive enough to shore up the reason for being in France other than having followed your husband, you will probably also notice a more willing acceptance to learn the language. One of the things that helped me with slang when living in Germany was watching all the old US cop/crime series on TV - there was nothing like watching reruns of Starsky and Hutch, or Angela Lansbury - crap though they might be considered by today's younger perception of televised entertainment ! I can honestly say that it made a hell of a difference in everyday life - I know how frustrating it can be not to be able to vent one's spleen verbally in a stressful situation, or one's joy/delight in more pleasant circumstances.
Another thing I found useful - reading what I would personally consider to be junk magazines - Closer, Gala, Look, and the like, which use everyday vocabulary and short sentences to get their message across. It may not make you the most intellectual of French speakers, but it will certainly help you improve your range of vocabulary and help you to "fit in". The advantage of magazines like that is that their articles are usually short, and do not require large amounts of time or concentration in order to consume and assimilate them - e.g. reading in bed before going to sleep. If you don't desire to learn, there is no panacea, only ways to make it slightly more palatable - perhaps some of what I suggested might be of use.
Your point is well taken however. I DO have to take it upon myself to learn. I'm just asking for all the ways others have learned so that I can see if there is a way I haven't tried yet that will be the best way for me to learn.
Yes, I would more than likely stay in France had I to live without my husband for many reasons. I guess what I'm trying to get past is the resentment I sometimes feel for having to learn it. It makes it a CHORE to learn instead of a way to communicate with those around me. Some people are great, they speak slowly and introduce new words a little at a time. Other people though, don't understand (or don't care) that if they speak quickly or in slang, I'm not going to get it. If there is a crowd with everyone talking at once, I'm lost very quickly. Unfortunately, with my schedule, I don't have time to take lessons at the moment, and when I do have a spare hour, the last thing I want to do is learn a language instead of relaxing and getting my head clear for a moment...
Ask yourself the question whether you would still stay in France if you had to live your life without your husband - for whatever reason - if yes, then biting the bullet and improving your French to a level you are comfortable with can only make that prospect easier to envisage - if not, then it probably wouldn't matter as you would leave the country anyway, presumably to move back to an English-speaking country or place where is English is spoken majoritarily.
I would add that it is easy for me to say this as I studied French at university, have lived here in France for 21 years, was married to a French woman for 18 years, and have always worked in an environment which required me to speak and write French professionally to a high standard (lawyer), so the onus was always on me to improve, or at least, maintain, that standard. However, I can safely say that that onus has helped me integrate in a way that I don't think ever would have been possible had I not made that conscious decision.
I do identify with many of your sentiments. I have had a love affair with France and everything French for more years than I care to remember but I still have not managed to master the language. My situation is slightly different, in that I am still a British resident even though I have had a home in France for the last 10 years. Yes, I spend between 3 and 5 months of the year on and off recently, so it is very difficult to get into the language properly when most of our French friends speak very good English. However, I have recently discovered an organisation called AFTRAM. They are based in Montauban but I am sure that there would be the same if not similar all over France. They teach from beginners to all levels and the price is very reasonable ( €50 for 100 hours ). It is also very flexible in terms of attendance but very effective. The website is www.aftram.fr
I must say that it is definitely worth persevering as it will make life here much more interesting and enjoyable.
Good morning all and Happy Easter. I'm not an American but have joined the group to reply to Holly's discussion. If your French language skills are basic, try Michel Thomas - he has two courses on CD and also a vocabulary builder. No books, no homework - just listen and repeat. Don't forget the structure of French is different, and many English speakers (including me) get into difficulties trying to literally translate what they want to say into French. If you are not living in France, Google/search for the Alliance Francais and see if there's a school near you. If you are in France, why not ask one of your French neighbours/friends to start a little group. We did that, so there are 4 of us (two Irish, two English) and our French friend Annette. We meet every Monday evening for some wine and nibbles, for about 1.5 hours. We pay her €10 each and take turns hosting the class. We do conversation and she includes some grammar. It's good fun too and a nice way to socialise.
I learned Spanish in high school. Besides the fundamentals (una cerveza por favor and donde es el bano), it all went out the window when I started learning French. I have friends who are willing to help me (my husband WAS willing until he tried and I became like the girl in Exorcist with him. We BOTH didn't like the language I was using then!). I'm sure that once you get here and start to speak with people, it'll all come back to you.
What a great post, Holly. I always appreciate someone who can make me laugh. I laugh because I relate. I've been studying French since October (after two years of high school French many many...many years ago), and I can't tell if I'm getting anywhere yet. But I'm still in the US, so that could have a teensy bit to do with it. When I do have an opportunity to try and speak it, I totally freeze. I've been using Memrise, Duolingo, Imagiers, and other online tools to learn. Google Translate is my constant companion. I've tried to pass the "conjunctions" unit on Duolingo about 20 times now. I'm sure one day, it'll happen. My husband, who is in France, is British. He hardly speaks any French. So there's no help there. So thanks for starting this thread. I'll be just as interested to see how others "cope."