After several years living in the Balearic islands, where we had a lovely villa with a pool, and a whole host of sudden ‘friends’ who wanted to visit, we moved first to Brittany - large house, but no pool - but still we found more ‘friends’ who came, ate us out of house and home, broke lots of things (oh, it’s only a small sink …’ - with no offer to replace it !) - then moving to a tiny bungalow - I have now turned the two spare bedrooms into 1) my office/dressing room, and 2) the ironing room - although it has two beds in it, they are both piled high with ironing to be done, to be put away and other things waiting sewing attention …so, to any ‘friends’ who now feel they would like to come, I would say 'ah, to get to bed you first need to do the ironing …then find the bed … so far, no one has been to visit us here …I wonder why ? - oh, my now estranged daughter did visit once, but said the place looked like a bedsit, and hasn’t been back since ! I feel that she is disappointed her ‘inheritance’ has moved from a lovely big house with a huge garden to a tiny retirement bungalow …c’est la vie ! ha ha
all our “friends” and family are put to work when they come, we’re still renovating and have 4 acres of land and animals to tend. I have constant supply of rubber gloves, gardening gloves and some nice baskets for people to go to the shops to buy supplies. The “kitty” is open and everyone puts in and dips in. most take us out for a nice meal - we too scub up when needs be - and most come back, so we must be doing something right. People like to come back and can appreciate the place even more, esp. now it’s quite habitable, and feel like they have contributed to our lovely home
Glood posts, everyone. Now that the flow of friends has diminished and because the B&B is pretty successful, we don’t need to charge friends. Perhaps it is my personality and preference to want to retain lots of friends in the UK and around the world - I learnt this from my ‘second mother’, now dead, who had a global diaspora of friends and family because she was a refugee from Nazi Germany. Her main problem was that people kept on going off with keys - 50 sets scattered round the world apparently. Keeping friends elsewhere has not inhibited our making new ones in France. Some people who have come as paying guests we now count as friends since we know them better. The horror stories are few and far between - one set of parents (family connections in fact) who left forgetting the entire wardrobe of their young son who seemed to us to have been neglected during his stay. Our only ‘blacklisting’ was a man who my wife found creepy and who then began a shoulder massage on her uninvited when she mentioned casually that she was in pain one morning! Pity, his wife is quite nice… All in all, receiving guests paying or gratis, French or international, adds to our enjoyment of being in France.
I read all your comments with interest and sympathy but, I do have to say that, although we’ve had quite a few visits from friends and relations, they’ve all been as good as gold; lovely to see them, and all very considerate, generous and entertaining - so no complaints from me.
But in a parallel universe not too many light years away, I was reminded of when several of us opened a garage business in Manchester some years ago. We knew that we’d suddenly sprout long-lost friends so we told them all that the first job that they came to us with would be labour-for-free and parts at cost but after that they’d pay like everyone else. Some came and asked for little things like points adjustment, a nothing of a job; John Smith came for new sides to be welded up for the tipping body of his ten-tonner.
I would guess that you know who your friends are…
Excellent post and I loved some of the comments posted by others.
I have to confess we gave our address to very few people when we moved: certainly not to my wife’s family (especially the Australians!)and to only a handful of friends.
Does this make me a bad person, do you think?
We have several small businesses, including a B&B and will happily send a link to our web site to “friends” who would like to visit! Les Sequoias
Feel free to mow the lawn and, if you enjoy the garden, why not do some relaxing weeding?
Don’t be embarrassed to take us out to dinner at an expensive restaurant. We do scrub up reasonably well when necessary.
We had 110 days of visitors in our first year. Our roof was off, the fosse septique was being replaced and there were vans and mud everywhere. Finally, we put a ‘We are closed’ sign on our blog. The updates with lots of photos of builders and piles if sand kept all but the real friends and family away. Now we invite people instead. We make it clear that we have not retired, earn less than most of our visitors and that hot water, washing machines and the extra food and wine we buy in don’t come free. Up front, we set up a pot from which all communal expenses are paid. After the umpteenth “oh, you’re so lucky to live here”, I replied “no, YOU are lucky I live here. Life here is tougher than staying in England, but we chose to be richer in lifestyle than financially. We learnt the language, fought through the paperwork, built a new life and restored an old house. Some people dream and others make it a reality, but it costs”.
Our daughter and our one year old grandson were with us for five weeks, which was wonderful.
Catherine has totally re-organised our strawberry bed, so now there is space between the runners for me to hoe. She has also divided old plants and re-potted them, moved all the irises from the “wrong” place and re-planted them where they will be seen.
Clemens, our son-in-law, flew in each weekend from Munich and hired a car to get here from Lyon. They took us out for a meal and also bought wine and groceries. We do the same for them when we go to visit.
We have friends husbands who cook and they are delighted to cook here as well and we always get taken out for a meal.
Perry’s cartoon is spot on! And someone else’s reminder about the fosse septique - my friend’s daughter tried to put God knows what down there - and when I pointed out what the fosse septique is and does, she was horrified - as if we were the dirty ones! She then kindly left dirty nappies under my bed. However would she cope with terry nappies??!
I don’t have a pool or a spare room so I don’t have this problem. I’ve also been in France so long that nearly all my best mates are local. In fact, the only person who regularly visits (or used to) is my mother.
I don’t think I could cope with having people about for weeks on end.
We run a B&B too and have our “friends” problem down to a fine art. When we arrived 6 years ago, we told “friends” eg. ex-work colleagues, vague friends, long lost relatives and friends who were friends, but lost touch etc. that we are booked all summer so they can only come to France between end October and beginning of April. Strange that, we never get any “friends” visiting at all. This just leaves true family who I want to see and they know my “funny little ways” eg, keep tidy, don’t trash the place and help with cooking etc & it works a treat. Start as you mean to go on. You know who your friends are by the ones that are more than willing to come in the winter as they are “coming to see you, not sit by the pool”.
Jon - When we opened our B&B last year we also made a rule about not offering free holidays to anyone who ever knew us back in UK - so we charge a discounted B&B rate for friends (not family, although all our brothers have contributed voluntarily to the food bill). We throw in evening meals and wine for “free”, because they are friends, but what they pay for B&B goes a long way to covering costs. Only one “friend” from UK has baulked at paying so I no longer count him as a friend!
But that said, some guests are definitely more helpful and a pleasure to see than others! As we have three guest rooms, this summer we have often had friends staying at the same time as other paying guests; the ideal friend-guests are those that communicate their plans and are willing to be flexible with meal times to work around the full-paying guests, thus allowing me to do my job.
When we came 5 years ago we started a B&B which works well, and decided to make the same modest charge to friends (not family). Many friends were happy with it, but in the end one blew a fuse and the numbers dropped so now we welcome friends for free but still run the B&B which now mainly welcomes French guests. Few friends cause any problems, and the main problem with the B&B is boundaries, especially for people stopping longer than a night. People staying for weddings or family fêtes involving late-night meals with relatives are of course reluctant to get up for breakfast the following morning, and because our house is not arranged for complete separation of our space and guests’ long-term visitors can end up sharing our space. But on the whole we’re happy. And yes, I am generous with our wine which usually costs a lot more than a euro, but it is, I believe, for sharing…
Well that’s a wish list isn’t it! We have been in France for years now, and after putting our house back in order after the overdue departure (!) always say we are going to lay down a few rules and regulations for the next lot. Of course it never works out like that and its the same-old every time. What’s the answer? Anyone know, short of leaving little notes all over the place like some old-fashioned Blackpool landlady… Some friends once said that they had a strict rule for visits - three days max, no exceptions. Perhaps they had a point.
Depending on the season (I’ve had them both):
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Please remember that an air conditioner does not need to be left on for 6 hours in an empty room while you go sight seeing - with the window open “to let in some fresh air”.
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If there’s a slight evening chill, please don’t light all the gas burners on the cooker and leave me with a bottle that runs empty halfway through cooking lunch - go and put a jacket on.
We had a nightmare summer when we lived in Italy - 10 weeks and only 3 nights without visitors!! At the time both the children were very little (6 months and 3 - or thereabouts) and I just asked people to help out! Laying the table, or clearing it, or both - etc! Some guests were definitely easier than others - but I found that setting the tone right at the start was the easiest and caused the least stress!!
But OMG it can be hard work sometimes!!
So good to hear other peoples bug bears - and also to hear how other people deal with it!!
@ Perry - love the little cartoons - Just SO true!!
Brilliant, you have put into words what I feel but can never say, I just get really ratty and miserable and take it out on the OH. I do not understand how people can be so self. I always feel awful as if I am the only person in the world that feels this way, cheered me up reading that article 
A true quote from old friends of my neighbour, who now runs a chambres d’hôtes and only sees the swimming pool when he’s cleaning it! More?
I’ve always been pretty lucky but I realised relatively early that I shouldn’t say ‘No no! Don’t bother’ or ‘Don’t worry, I’ll do it.’ Because then guests let you do it, sometimes out of politeness. Now I show guests where the cutlery drawer is and ask them to set the table. I ask them to strip the beds as well. Funnily enough though - most of our visitors recently are French friends from other parts so they bring bottles of wine or huge slabs of cheese…
Had my lawn mown and the hedges trimmed as well as washing up and hoovering every day and dinner cooked one night - utter bliss