You could have saved hours if you cut and pasted part of my Blog http://www.survivefrance.com/profiles/blogs/how-we-felt-at-christmas-2007. Somewhere I still have the original faux brochure!!!
Great points, others to add from our experience is please turn off lights and electrical items when not in use and feel free to work out how to exchange the BBQ gas bottle, which has just run out due to the guests constant use and their refusal to turn the cylinder tap off after use, despite repeated requests.
All I can say is move to a town house with no pool or garden and its amazing how few people will come and stay! Either that or we’re very unpopular! Oh and turning the only spare room into the Artist’s studio helps too…
Ha I love all of your comments as we got to the end of the summer and feel like we have been running a hotel. I understand that all of our friends want to come out and see us as we live in such a lovely country etc etc and we do appreciate that they are making the effort to come over. However I really felt like we were being used as a free holiday at times. One of my lovely friends washed up after every meal and that was bliss. I mentioned this to other friends but no, the message didn’t get through.
Note to self: next year limit the visitors and learn to say NO. Or get Fred the French husband to field all bookings and tell them the pool is out of action. That should work a trick.
@ Miv - with you on the empties, our garage is full of them and every time we have people over I add to the glass mountain as I don’t get chance to go down to the bottle bank. The cute little beer bottles are the worst though, everyone loves them but they take ages to get rid of. We feel like alcoholics when we eventually go down to the bottle bank…not a good look at 5m pregnant!!!
@ Anne Marie - It once took me weeks to get rid of the sand that was dragged through our house, with tiled floors those pesky little bits get everywhere & just kept appearing. Another pet hate of mine is people not taking their shoes off. The tiled floors just get filthy if people walk all through their house with their outside shoes on & you really notice it on your feet & the little ones knees! We always walk barefoot and the feeling of bits of sand under your feet gets annoying.
@ Jane - we have visitors in October who have already requested a DIY & Gardening list (they are professional gardeners) they will definitely help clear up the terrace which is looking a little sad at the moment (neglected with our travels) and help repainting the woodwork. I think they will think twice about coming next year though when they see the Jungle garden at our next house! Only a JCB driver will think that one is a possible DIY challenge!
Please leave the bathroom as you found it
I want to say about the towels again plllease let me 
sand and sea in my lounge (i had cleaned whilst they were at the beach)
Please …(and this is gonna shock you all) Bring your own shower gel, shampoo, toothpaste, razors, shaving foam etc…;especially if you come for 10 days !!! (As you are travelling by plane, I will go out and buy for you, as I do for my family members, it wont cost a lot to pay me back, I will provide a receipt) !!!We live in the South of France, we are not millionaires !!!
If you decide to go to the midnight market, it would be really kind if you made less noise when you come home, although we do not have small children, we are both working the next day (which is why we did not go to the market with you)
So if one evening you say you are cooking dinner (thats nice) so why did I have to
1 lay the table
2 Why did I have to get up and serve the dinner?
3 Why did I clear the table ?
Thank for the dinner
If you decide to take your wife a cup of tea every morning, would you or your wife be so kind as to maybe clear the cups from the bedroom every now and then!!
When you awake in the mornings, it wuld be so nice if one would not IGNORE my husband as he sits on the settee, he may have been a bit grumpy (hheheheheh I wondr why lol) However this is HIS home a little good morning would gho down very nicely thank you
Is this ok ??? I had a great summer lol lol no only certain people the rest were ok lol
This post SUGGESTS you give family and other people you know your correct address, how strange…My tip would be for any visiting relatives, (remember you choose your friends) offer them a list of hotels in the local area.
I can really sympathise! Especially as I usually try and make sure everything is scrupulously clean and tidy before visitors arrive, I’ve been seething in the kitchen at those times I’ve been cook/waitress/cleaner/babysitter/entertainer/chambermaid/taxi/laundrette/tour guide and concierge! Unfortunately, it’s our relations (well, one of them!) who do this but thankfully most people don’t see it as a free holiday with a free taxi service from the airport and 24-7 service.
We do run a B&B and most of our guests pay (except family, obviously) but even so I would ask all guests, paying or otherwise, to please remember that we too have lives to lead and when you change your plans and decide to turn up at 5 in the afternoon having told us you’d be arriving at 10.30, it would be nice to have received a telephone call insteaad of you keeping us indoors waiting for you to turn up!
Please also lend a hand in the garden and with the ongoing DIY.
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Please resist taking your wineglass to bed with you and leaving under the bed.
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Please do us the honour of lugging some of your empties to the decheterie.
I was consindering doing the same as it struck a chord and made me laugh but then I thought people may take umbrage, even if they have been good guests in the past. :-)
I tend to agree with most of your post - maybe the nappies are a step too far. We start with guests bringing sheets/duvets and towels - usually that's enough to set the tone, especially when I remind all that we are not a laundry service. Out and about now nearly all do go dutch and most do a shop plus offer a meal. We have had the users and whether family or friends they don't come back - even my brother-in-law who took offense to me reminding him that tap water is good and badoit from the fridge just to be drunk through the night is OTT now tows the line...