What is the French for 'piss up in a brewery'?

I am writing a letter and want to tell this company that they couldn't organise one. Does anyone have a useful equivalent?

“C’est vraiment des conneries!” That is REALLY bullshit.....or

"Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?"....reality and you really dont get on,or
"On t'a bercé trop près du mur?" as a child was your cradle rocked too close to the wall...(a popular one apparently)

I always liked "Vous résonnez (raisonnez) comme une cloche" which is very rude without using any rude words!

But that really is vulgar - so would not advocate you use it in reality.

Une partouze dans une maison close. (A f**k up in a brothel)