A little mid-week humour to lighten the mood

I would so much love to learn to paint like this guy, simple concept, so realistic, so much fine detail added as it progresses to its conclusion, but my arm would fall off doing speed painting, so will stick to something more leisurely.

Nothing really special to see here but watch out for the little puddles that appear – magic! And I’m sure I’ve been down that road before – so familiar. Those tyre tracks might even have been mine….

Story of the Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Robin Williams said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed. And for the same reason.”

True or false I do not know. Maybe this post should be somewhere else…

4 Likes

image

5 Likes

A rude joke modified by me. But I bet it’s an old one…

A woman goes to her parish priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots and they only say one thing.”

“And what do they say?” the priest inquired.

“Hi there guys, like to have some fun with us girls?’" said the woman embarrassingly.

“That’s not very nice!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.”

He thought for a moment and said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage, and my parrots can teach yours how to pray.”

“Thank you,” the woman responded, “that may very well be the solution.”

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.

When he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed, “Hi there guys, like to have some fun with us girls?”

There was a stunned silence.

Finally, one male parrot looks over at the other, and says, “Put the beads away Francis, our prayers have been answered!”

7 Likes

A joke from real life.

Just started the application process for probate for my mothers estate. One of the questions was “Did the person die in England or Wales - Yes / No.”

:roll_eyes: :laughing:

2 Likes

Yes, multiple questions. I know you get it. Steady flow of viewings on my mums house this week. Good luck with the paperwork :wink:

2 Likes

I just find it bizarre to have a choice of 2 countries and a yes/no answer. Of course they mean England AND Wales, but that’s not what they wrote.

1 Like

Treated as one territory so it doesnt matter whereas Scottyland have different rules on these things

1 Like

No they don’t they mean died in either England or Wales and if in one of those places say “yes”. Very straightforward. :slight_smile:

I agreed with AM, 'till you said that. It would be very difficult, but not impossible, to die in England and Wales. :joy:

I understand, but wording giving 2 choices and requiring a yes/no answer is madness.

2 Likes

Yes - mathematically (and legally) logical. “England & Wales” has a different system from Scotland; NI is different again.

So either someone died in England or Wales, for the purposes of Probate, or s/he died somewhere else.

Wait till the end :joy:

4 Likes

11 Likes

Of course, nothing at all to do with speed, you need a black stripe for that.

I think its yoghurt :wink:

These are actual complaints received by a holiday company from dissatisfied customers:…

  1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

  2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

  3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

  4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

  5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

  6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

  7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”

  8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

  9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

  10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

  11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

  12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

  13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

  14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

  15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

  16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

  17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

  18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

Can you believe nos 11 & 15…!

I don’t know - I’ve always assumed that these lists are apocryphal but knowing how Brits behave abroad, it’s too tempting to think that they are probably true.