My Australian friend supplied this this morning, well he thinks it was this afternoon. 
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Excellent! Love all those Aussie words 
So funny 
Eye-wateringly funny.
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An actor was walking along a canal when the owner of a narrowboat full of manure offered him a lift.
When they got to a lock, the lock-keeper cried, ‘State your cargo!’
‘Two tons of manure and an actor,’ said the boat-owner.
And the actor said, ‘Can I have a word with you about the billing?’
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I’m on a bit of an Oldie clearout today, I was 10 issues behind this morning. Here are a couple of quotes that amused me. The first is from an article about Brighton and its celebrity inhabitants, of which one was the unappreciated Laurence Olivier.
This was in sharp contrast to Olivier, who suffered from ill health in later years. It was hard to say whether he or the Brighton Belle was in the worse condition. He was also still angered by the hostile attitude of many people towards him.
The last straw was the decision to take kippers off the breakfast menu on the Belle. It was only a minor matter, but it caught the public imagination. For once, Olivier was on the same side as the protesters. After a vigorous campaign the kippers were restored, but the railway authorities still had the last laugh. They abolished the train.
BTW my wife Fran knew Olivier’s 2nd wife, Joan Plowright, whom she hated ‘because she stole Vivian Leigh’s husband’ 
‘But you stole me’ I said. ‘That’s different’ was the grumpy reply.
And, after reading a very critical comment by the beautiful and very long lived British actress Olivia de Havilland about Richard Burton, I thought the following redeemed him a little. Maybe not though. 
Roger told us his favourite Richard Burton story. Someone said to him in America, “oh are you Seltic?” and Burton replied, “It’s pronounced Celtic, you sunt!”
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Coming over here and not even bovvering to learn are language.
For context it was in relation to a planned explosion on an east London film set. But don’t let facts get in.the way of a good race bating.
It amused me though.
.
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Cow farts come from the dairy air.
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3 posts were split to a new topic: Loss of cultural identity
Once had a partner who’d previously been his (very young) secretary/PA.
Unfortunately, she wanted to be a thesp, so would take any form of crap from the master.
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Today at the airport a man fainted on the luggage carousel.
He is slowly coming round.
Just like the guy who fell into an upholstery machine, he’s totally recovered now.
And then there was that bloke who fell into a vat of coffee.
He didn’t suffer, it was instant.
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Groan 
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I think I will make my own christmas crackers this year and use AM’s jokes 
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I’ve stolen them all.
While I was off work, my colleagues setup a little WhatsApp group to keep my spirits up and it’s become a repository for dad jokes. These fit perfectly.
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