A little mid-week humour to lighten the mood

[billybutcher]

Did you know that cats can learn up to 160 verbal commands?

They just can’t be bothered though

[vero]

And ignore the lot

[KarenLot]

…in French or English.

On the other hand, my cats are completely bilingual when it comes to food.

[Ancient_Mariner]

With apologies to messrs Gilbert and Sullivan.

[Mat_Davies]

I think I would seek a 2nd opinion.

[Griffin36]

[Griffin36]

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Ancient_Mariner]

Working au black?

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Griffin36]

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Griffin36]

[Jane_Williamson]

We had a master in our last year at primary school who was deadly with the board duster.
He also used to say bring out the necessary equipment and the poor child had to go to the front of the class with a plimsoll and have it lathered across their hand.
We used to distract him during geography by asking if wherever it was he was talking about was where he served during the war.

[Ancient_Mariner]

I know it’s Friday, but we need something to counterbalance to politics elsewhere.

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting… (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember…

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Codeine ready in case you actually complete the act…

8, make all the noise you want, the neighbours are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice. … … . . . . . . . . . . … . . . . . . . … . . . . … . . . . . . . . . . .
    ‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
    Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot…

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes. ​

Viagra won’t make you James Bond, but it might make you Roger Moore.

[Griffin36]

[Bonzocat]

Scientists have discovered that the first 2 people on Earth were actually Cockneys.

Blimey - would you Adam ‘n Eve it…!

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Susannah]

[Fleur]