Getting old is like frying bacon with no clothes on - you know it’s going to hurt, but you just don’t know where. 
As I get older I find just 3 shops are essential: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
Live is just specs, drugs and sausage roll.
And finally…
If Bjorn and Benny had been called Steve and Dave then a certain well known band would have been named ASDA.
Groan. 
How did Tommy Cooper die?
Jus’ like that!
Sending that one for carbon dating 
I bought a dog that’s trained to bring me wine - it’s a Bordeaux collie.
I’ve just been eliminated from Master Chef; apparently I kept making the same seasoning mistake, thyme and thyme again.
… and there was me thinking I made it up myself!
I understand the Australian equivalent is, ‘a map of Tazzy.’
If you look at a map of Tasmania, all becomes apparent…
I would refer to the original request not to post political jokes or commentary in the thread. There’s enough of that throughout the rest of SF to last several lifetimes.
Thanks
I can confirm this is true although these days my understanding is anyone younger than me in Oz goes for the Great Sandy Desert look
Following a bit of co-operation between James and I, the post in question has been moved to the What a total arse thread.
There was a slew early on, but that seemed to stop after I requested it. But thanks BB.
I think, I remember when Private Eye used to have cryptic crosswords -late 1960s? But then again, maybe it still does… Anyhow, the only clue I remember from that time is, ‘Pubic hair in darkest Australia (4).’
To cryptic for me
Bush? Not very cryptic so I expect I’m wrong.
I remember a sweet clue from the Times ‘two girls, one on each knee’ , 7 letters.