Haha I guess I’m the only one who actually wants some freeloaders cos it would mean someone actually took the time to come and see me here!
It is all right to say no, it is not a slight and using it does not make you a bad person. Next time the super nosey person in your village asks for gossip say no. You also do not have to give a reason "no I am sorry" is enough. If they ask why, do not lie just say it does not suit you, its a hard word to use but once mastered it will free you up.
Now THEY are the sort of people I would welcome with open arms, Brian. You will all have a wonderful time, with good laughs and plenty of wine in the evening, but they're coming to do some serious grafting as well - and are happy to do it! I don't even know them, but I love them. My sort of people.
My brother-in-law and his partner have just volunteered themselves a stay. Both will bring work clothes and are preparing to help me insulate the roof and do any other jobs necessary. The deal is that my OH or I cook them a fantastic meal each evening because neither of those men can cook that well... This year my OH tells me that sister-in-law intends to come alone later and will bring her decorating clothes. Now that is the way it should be.
I love people like her. I would have given her a list of chores to be done before breakfast - if she didn't do them, she'd be on one heck of a diet!
The friend I was referring to looked totally stunned when I said "No" - she was fully expecting me to hand keys over. Short lived though - she's already said (not asked) that she and her son will be coming out to stay with us. She didn't actually mention how long for....
This topic has really opened a lot of memories for people living here in France.
I recall when we had our gite business our "wonderful" daughter in law wanted to come & stay - even though we had spare bedrooms in the house she asked for the use of a gite - during our high season- for free!
We refused so every morning - after sleeping late - her breakfast dishes were just left on the table after use - we found them as we came back into the kitchen after cleaning the pool & doing all the other chores you have to do in the morning when you have a gite business! Happy days!
Non!
I just had a sort of reverse freeloader conversation with a friend. This is in short form:
"So when do you think you'll be moving to France then?"
Me: "Next month"
"Your house here will be empty. I have friends over for a week for (blank's) communion. They could stay at yours if you let me have a spare key. It will save me having to find a hotel."
Me: "Errr, no. All the electricity and water will be turned off and I don't want someone switching it all back on, then leaving the hot water heater on when they leave."
"Oh I'm sure that wouldn't happen - they're grownups"
Yeah, right... would you risk that for one week of non-paying strangers?
Well done my dear! From the book, Beyond Co-Dependancy by Melody Beattie, she states that we cannot take care of ourselves and take care of others at the same time. Or something to that effect. Aaaaand, the way they were sighing, and saying that they didn't want to be a 'bother' is actually a form of manipulation. I know it sounds like a bunch of psycho-babble, but it has helped me a great deal ever since I first read it in 1995. Stay on this healthy path of yours and before long you will no longer feel like such a bitch when you say 'no thanks' with a smile, just like I do. You teach people how to treat you after all. Also I find I get more respect by telling people what is unacceptable, (of course in the nicest way I know how), an uncomfortable truth to those of us who like to be liked and have everyone behave at the same time.
I don't go to England now but when my wife does, no-one offers free accomodation or transport. She stays in a hotel and hires a car. She says that she prefers to be independent but an offer would not go amiss.
I don't think there is anything stupid about not wishing to be rude and cause offence. Next time somebody is asking - summon up how you were feeling when the last lot of freeloaders left and use that feeling to help inspire you to either say No politely, or lay down "ground rules" in advance! Otherwise you end up exhausted, broke and resentful!! Good Luck! :-)
Non, non, non! I too remember the well work expression: 'Honesty will get you nowhere' and may well take your advice knowing we have had so many 'nice' Christmas greetings from people who normally do not bother, that we are just waiting...
For Gods sake, whatever is the matter with you people --- do as the French do ---say ---- NON--- end of story --- If you want to be polite about it just say _------------------------------ 'Sorry we already have a load of freeloaders staying that week".
They don't mind asking for for a ---"free lunch" --- so why should you mind saying ------------ " No such thing as a free lunch pal" --- stop this stupid "Englishness" of not wanting to hurt peoples feelings
The people I like best are the ones who email or phone to ask if you know of a place where they can stay. My answer is for them to look on the internet, the ones who posed this question never came to France. Call me a wicked old witch if you like, saying NO is easy as it will cause a lot less problems and is better than telling one lie to cover another.
you could always say that you 'have other plans' next time they want to descend!!!
It is a bit difficult to say no and keep the peace family wise. Maybe if you find it hard to say no, try , "It's not convenient at the moment" or "We need some down time together" or just invent a phantom visitor or a phantom invitation somewhere else.
Game playing? yes, but sometimes it's necessary to spare feelings and avoid arguments if NO is not easy to say to some relatives without emotional backlash!
Just say no and dont even think about feeling guilty! That is what people want you to do!
Oh yes they flock quickly!! but soon comes to a stop when you ask them to go shopping with you!!! And only the important ones still keep coming, we are very lucky to have my Favorite Cousin's who has a Butchers shop in Horsham, Sussex, and when they come over which is normally 4 times a year they always bring us a full case of goodies!!!!! mmmmmmmm yummy!!!!
Second day of any visit take them food shopping with you so they can see the price of things, never fill your larder in advance. The sort of person who does not offer to pay towards the shopping you never want to see again. Your family members are manipulating the situation to avoid any feelings of guilt on their part.
For our first ten years here we ran a B&B (officially - not just 'putting up the family!) When we were about to move over, we had a long list of 'friends' who promised that they would come to stay on their way through France. We saw three couples, twice each and realizing that this was our livelihood they paid, and also helped around the place. The rest - well, in August 2010 we stopped waiting!
Its amazing that since then we have had numerous people who will be in our area 'for a few days' and would love to come and see us!