I’m really pleased to hear that. Thanks for getting in touch with her. I felt that she sounded very much as though she was at the end of her tether. I phoned someone recently who I’d heard was having a really tough time and just said, ‘been there, let me know if you want to talk about separating etc’ and he was so appreciative. It was a bit easier though as we’d chatted once before about SF / work etc so hopefully she will respond to your email. Thanks again xx
Thanks so much for posting Cathy - I’m sure Elena will appreciate it and many others who are in a similar situation. Hope things have got easier for you x
Okay, so I did it, it is changed. I had a horrid dream that he came and took everything so my locks are changed.
I actually saw him Sunday. He came by to talk about my Mom’s health. But we ended up talking about our relationship and it really didn’t go well… I was tired and occupied by my mom. I felt I could relax, however, he knew that I wasn’t strong the wrong words came out of my mouth. He has taken advantage from my stand point. Some very nasty way of manipulating someone.
On top of all this my mom just had to go to the hospital. They don’t know the reasons why but she had so much pain. But she is back now and is feeling better, less stress.
My husband didn’t come to take things, so I was relived.
I had the rental agency call me to say that I now need to change the name on the contract to my name. I told them that they will have to wait until we see the judge. But now I am in doubt. I will have to see what to do. I just don’t know.
Please pray for my Mom and my stress.
So I went and gave a statement. There was no kind of plainte I could make so they just documented it. Tomorrow if he comes they said to call the police and they will come. They said not to change the locks only if I feel unsafe, which I do.
I tried an attempt to communicate with him by text message, if he dose not respond I will change the lock. But I have to remember he has threatened me that he will come tomorrow with a moving truck.
That is excellent advice from Gary - can you get someone to go to the police station with you for a bit of moral support?
Hi again
Following my call to you I suggest the following as I said on the phone, go to the police and depose plainte pour violence conjugal avec menaces, you will be recieved by them and need to ptotect yourself against this violence you are being made to suffer, you have “rights” in France and a lawyer is one thing but the law is on yor side here, he cannot kick you out as the contrat de location bears two signatures, he can cede le bail en votre favour by a legal document, this is also important to contact the agency, change the locks but first you must make a plainte pour desertion du domicile conjugal, against him, don’t wait got to the Police station and ask to be recieved by them, so if you can do it asap please
Gary
Yesterday my husband and I made an appointment to see each other at one o’clock, he comes by at 5! He even turned off his phone then he came with a list of our stuff and wanted me to sign it. I told him first you make a list of all the things you took out then I will talk about sharing the things. The money he spent to get his things was an economy we both made so I have the right to all the things that he took out.
I would have liked ti talk about the finances with him but how can we when he is soo angry?
He yells at my face and makes me upset. What right does he have to show up when he wants? I was very disturbed by him, luckly I was with a close friend!
Worried, Elena
yes stay calm and like Christa says - Change the locks now!
He is bullying you emotionally and you need to stay strong - easier to say than to do i know but a good lawyer will help. xx
I have, I saw one lawyer who is good. I got a second opinion from a lawyer who speaks English well. the 1st didn’t really make me understand and hasn’t responded to my emails yet. The second gave me her personal cellular and works with Americans and English. But the first one really seems to be a good however she is very occupied. Still rather nervous… Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm!
My husband asks me to come with him to sign these papers for divorce. Then he asked me what am I doing, about about my life. He keeps threatening, that apartment will be emptied by 28 November and people will come for visits. He is emotionally destroying me and scaring me. He tries to get me down morally. Plus, he said he can’t see me because I am hoping! What is wrong with hoping?!
He said he doesn’t want to talk about sharing, instead he will just come to do it. He thinks I want to stay in the apartment to cause problems but I have no where to go!
Then today at one o’clock he said he will come to see me today to talk but he has not came. He is playing with me! If he is not willing to talk about dividing things and finances evenly it leaves me no choice than to change the locks.
It is a mess because he can’t help me financially because he doesn’t make enough to support me! And I can’t get help from the RSA because I’ve been here only 4 years. Does he have the right to not help me?!
You could try contacting Maria Louise Sawyer (she’s a memeber of SFN), she’s English but following her own painful experiences, she started a group for fellow sufferers. I wish you all the very best Elena.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I’ve been thinking about you a lot since your last communication on fb. It seemed a little cryptic. Now I know. I think that is an excellent idea about changing the locks and getting your friends to write letters. Obviously he doesn’t care about your welfare, taking all the expensive stuff and telling you to get out by the end of Nov. And from what it sounds like, going behind your back to nullify your rental agreement without your permission. Once upon a time in France, (this may still be), that a landlord could not evict a tenant in the winter months, like from Oct 1 to May 31, or something like that. Anyway, you must be your own advocate/parent in this situation and get all the documentation you can. Letters from friends, pictures, keep a journal, with times of day and dates and any details you can think of. All these things become fuzzier and fuzzier with the passage of time, even when there aren’t emotions involved. He doesn’t need to know about this documentation, who knows what he might do, (he sounds irrational, and if he normally is mature, at the moment he’s behaving immaturely), and could perceive it as an affront, even though it is he who is being unreasonable toward you. As for support, I’ve found great solace and strength from books for whatever woes you have. I’ve learned so much over the years, and got a lot of useful information, even turning around various sufferings in life. Amazon.com has great deals on used books. You just look for the book you want, then check out the used section. Good luck, I definitely will be sending you great positive energy. Stay strong and know you have rights. BTW, don’t believe anything HIS lawyer tells you. And I wouldn’t leave the apartment until you get a notice from the courts, or some other official office. In Europe, the partner abandoned has way more rights than over here in the US, I’m pretty sure. The law should be way on your side, girl. We’ll stay in touch.