David… I wonder if you could keep a diary of sorts. Listing perhaps each day, how much she has eaten and/or drunk… her mood swings… the particular difficulties or achievements you encounter…
and does your neighbour ever witness any of this ??
Back in UK, many years ago… I felt much as you do, when the Doc came to visit my elderly aunt (99). She was sweetness and light when he arrived, and amazingly lucid… with not a sign of the violence she usually dished out.
I managed to persuade him that this was not normal behaviour and outlined what had been going on, showing him my notebook.
I had not tidied up after her tirade earlier that day and the sight of this, my notes backed up by a local friend who had dropped by … gave him pause for thought.
Your really do need help… and your wife needs help, too …
Who knows but they might be prepared to install a ramp? And get you access to respite care?
It is also an important step for the future, as things will continue to change. Our neighbour ended up with a rising chair, a proper safe bed, a commode, rails everywhere, deliveries of incontinence pads and a special bin, etc etc.
A good idea Stella and thanks Jane too. A update from my last post is that today we have seen the result of her refusal to visit the bathroom, for the first time her pads were filled with solid matter. It was on her legs too and took me ages to clean her up then when I thought I had, I found more, no more details.
I was firm with her today, but I don’t fool myself, the only reason I was successful in getting her up was because she wanted to anyway. Firm is fine but, if she says no, I can’t manhandle her.
My BIL is heading in the same direction sadly. He has also just had a knee replacement op, and then managed to fall and break his leg. My sister is at her wit’s end as anaesthetics, strong pain killers etc etc just make him more confused. He is currently in hospital, but they will not keep him more than another day especially or so and she has no idea how she will cope with him not being able to put any weight on that leg for 6 weeks.
David, would recording (go pro) the daily routine aid Frans’ case?
I would have thought the people coming to assess the situation, know how behaviour can change from day today.
Bon Courage
A neighbour has had a knee-replacement and was sent to a local “convalescent” place after the operation. Been there about 3 weeks and has received excellent treatment from sports-injury physiotherapy folk…
Finally came home for good, this last weekend and is now due to have physio at home for as long as necessary and has borrowed an electric static bike to work with as well…
I wonder if your friend’s husband will be similarly advised… sounds as if going home straight away is possibly not the best way forward for him… or his wife…
The rehab place she contacted won’t take patients with memory problems as not equipped for it. And places that can care for patients with memory issues aren’t equipped for after-care from knee replacements apparently. It all sounds disastrous.
Several French friends have had replacement surgery and the after-care was wonderful! In the UK it seems you can get sent home with a zimmer frame and a leaflet
The problem with that Lily is that, small as it is it would be noticed and resisted by her. It would have to be set up somewhere because I need both hands to cope. I think using the head band to mount it would be a red rag to a bull.
I know that in my neighbour’s case, coming home immediately would never have been an option due to the layout of her home.
It also meant she profitted from the physio by the sports-injuries specialists who work on-site at the convalescence place…
The only local physiotherapist who will make house visits (around here) is not quite up to their standard.
As always, it is not free… and some of the care has to be paid for by the patient… this is where the Mutuelle comes into play… such a comfort to have that to fall back on.
No. The aftercare is good, but more usually via home visits from a kiné in my experience. Perhaps if you live alone it would be more likely, or are very frail. All friends who have had replacements - knees and hips - were back at home moving around independently 48 hours later.
Around here, the norme seems to be to have the cave at ground level and entrance to the house via stairs… let alone finding the “facilities” up yet another staircase.
Modern builds might not be like that… depending on how the terrain slopes. Thinking more and more about ease of access, for everyone… not just the invaders…
My BIL is heading in the same direction sadly. He has also just had a knee replacement op, and then managed to fall and break his leg. My sister is at her wit’s end as anaesthetics, strong pain killers etc etc just make him more confused. He is currently in hospital, but they will not keep him more than another day especially or so and she has no idea how she will cope with him not being able to put any weight on that leg for 6 weeks.
The kicker is that he is 20 stone……
That is an impossible situation, I reckon that is around 140 kgs, isn’t it? Fran weighs in at 40 and I have enough problems lifting her, only a little easier now that her pain has lessened somewhat on her left side after the fall. I can now lift her from the front, both my arms under her armpits and then throwing my weight backwards to bring her to her feet. It has to be one movement because otherwise she doesn’t straighten her legs and lock her knees.
Before that I was pulling her by one arm, not good for her and definitely not for me, as it twisted my body and I am certain was the cause of the abdominal pain which has eased somewhat now, though a visit to the vet last evening with both dogs brought it back when the vet decided to lift the back end of Jules to the table without warning me to grab the front. He too is getting on for Fran’s weight at 37 kgs.
Sadly in the UK. She is sooo stressed. He was operated on yesterday and spent the rest of the day on a temporary bed in recovery as there was no bed for him on a ward. So she wasn’t allowed to go and see him and talk to him because of Covid rules. Not ideal for someone who is confused (apparently he thought he was in a very bad hotel!). No-one phoned her after the op, and despite promises to let her know what was happening to find him a bed this didn’t happen either and it was left to her to keep phoning the hospital, and trying to get through to anyone. It is a very sad reflection of the state the NHS is in, completely understaffed and over worked.
You need a rising chair. They can be rented from your local medical materials place and could be worth it. And these sorts of things can be eligible for social security reimbursements, you need to ask when you get your home visit.
This sort of thing
Loads on leboncoin from 50-200€ Look for fauteuil releveur.
I know what you mean Jane even though the link wouldn’t work, but I would also need a rising bed too.
I think the place to start is the pharmacy, they have always been very helpful in the past with sticks, wheelchairs and a walking frame.
A lot of the problem is obstinacy though, after I had got her up and done everything and finally settled fully dressed in her chair today, I turned and tripped over another chair and very nearly suffered a nasty fall. I pointed out, as she was shocked by this, that she should remember that I am an old man and this sort of thing is by no means a rarity and, as I am her only help, she should take good care of me.
