I think Stella is right. A line has been crossed here, she cannot wait any time at all to next appointment. Jane is right also.
David none of this is your fault.
I am imagining how it would look if your descriptions post by post of what is happening here off this thread, were all cut and oasted into Google Translate. With each post’s timestamp, one after the other, and clicked into French.
I’d be inclined to take French and English copies of the thread to a meeting with the Medecin Traitant. Taking my neighbour wirh me to the appointment having given her a copy previously. Plus an appointment with the nurse at the surgery aame day, where you hand over the aame With a formal covering letter signed by you to MT, nurse with a cc to the people who are evaluatibg the formal request for help and assessment you’ve submitted. Plus a copy to anyone at the hospital Fran was supposed to attend an appointment with.
Jane will probably correctly say this is not the French approach. But I’m feeling it’s important to formally hand these medical professionals that are not seeibg her (for whatever reason) a formal detailed request for help with sequential documentation of what’s really going on. In a way that ensures they’ve received it so that they will hopefully feel professionally obliged to respond with action not with appointments she can’t travel to.
I certainly will try that if she has to go again, but apart from help in the house, which she might accept rather than from me, not sure what visits will achieve. Today’s cancelled visit was just a checkup from the emergency treatment 4 weeks ago, so hopefully may not have been important, though they may have been concerned about her lack of mobility.
First thing is tomorrow to keep the button pressed on the surgery number, I sort of let up on that last week after so many tries because of this impending visit today.
David… I’m talking about getting your wife to see medical folk/specialists , who might well be able to help her… that is what I meant… by “whatever”.
You are doing your best with home-care, on your own (amazingly brave of you).
I suggest that it might now be a priority, for a medical person to see your wife and assess her condition… at least to see if she needs medical care for her arm and perhaps her legs.
Wow Karen, a lot to think about there, but I am not sure it will provide the desired effect, especially from a foreigner. I have some experience of kicking against authority, and it doesn’t always succeed.
@Stella I think it must start with the doctor, if I can get a rdv, something that takes some persistence. But she can hand out prescriptions as she did the last time that Fran saw her before her fall. On that occasion we came away with scrips for footcare, done, and for daily home visits for medicine taking and toiletting 7 days a week including bank holidays, only partially (medicine taking but not really needed as easily managed by me) done. Help in the home with cleaning, eating and personal care has been accepted by the APA bureau but we are still waiting for a 2nd visit to assess her needs. Perhaps that will cover the need of transport while she is unable to walk properly.
Hi David,
I haven’t posted much but have been following this thread as I have been through it all with my dad (you) and my mum (Fran) over the last three years. And due to covid, have unfortunately had to be observing from the sidelines a lot of the time.
Has the type of dementia been diagnosed? Because it sounds to me a lot like front lobe dementia, in which case one of the issues you are facing is that the brain simply stops giving instructions to the limbs to move. So I would absolutely reiterate what other posters have said, you need to get professional help yesterday as you will simply not be unable to cope going forward.
Stella’s suggestion of a diary a few days ago is absolutely right and I am sorry I didn’t think to say that too. It is something I got my dad to do as when you are the carer and at the coalface so to speak, you are so busy coping that you don’t have time to remember what happened when.
Thinking of you xx
David, being new here I have read through the thread from start to finish, and it seems to me that there is a clear pattern of changing behaviour in the relatively short space of time you have been posting. For the sake of both yourself and your wife, it seems to me you need help. There may be medication which may slow or even slightly reverse her deterioration, but more than that, there may well come the time when you can’t look after her any longer and she will need professional care. If this is known by the healthcare services in advance then it may smooth the path towards Fran’s care better than if it all comes as a big surprise/emergency.
I admire your courage, strength and the love you have shown in the way you have looked after your wife.
The only diagnosis has been over 5 years ago after her first mini stroke when the report said she was suffering from vascular dementia (demence vasculaire). In the summer a request was made by our doctor for her to undergo tests for Alzheimers disease. That eventually produced an appointment for an examination in Perigueux towards the end of January.
As regards the diary, I have not yet started it, relying more on what I have written here, which of course I can refer to, but you are right, I should be recording it day by day, and I will.
To @Ancient_Mariner & @AdrianTB thank you both for your thoughts and Adrian I quite understand your dilemma, as you can see by my responses lagging behind your contributions, I too struggle sometimes to convey the right words.
And to Toni as you have seen that I have written, everything seems to hinge on the decision of the Departmental Bureau (APA) as to what help we can expect, but I hope that, in the light of all authorities wishing to keep people in their homes as long as possible, that might be beneficial. Let’s hope it is soon.
One thing that strikes me reading David’s posts is there has been no mention of any drug treatment - my understanding (from my mother’s Alzheimer’s) is that they help some patients with early dementia considerably but are less/no use in advanced disease so getting them early is important.
Vascular dementia is pretty horrid and I’m not sure what meds are available as been out of it for too long now. The worst thing with it is how fast it can change things.
Vascular dementia was diagnosed by the hospital after her 1st stroke years ago, all she has to take now are citalopran which I think is for depression, I give her a pill everyday when she gets up but it must have been prescribed ages ago because there are several packets here.
Her test for Alzheimers is scheduled for the end of January, the first appointment available from last August.
I’ve been following your journey and please don’t feel it necessary to apologise for what you perceive as a rant….
My partner in U.K. lost his mum to Alzheimer’s…it was a very rapid decline from diagnosis in less than 2 years…
My best friend in U.K. lost her mum to a benign brain tumour…the operation to remove the grapefruit sized mass was successful but she suffered sepsis afterwards and lived for many years after with no recognition of her family….
Another relative not by blood suffered “dementia” for over 12 years…a gradual decline…lots of arguing amongst family members about the best way forward…taking it in turns to do what they could to keep her at home resulting in a complete fracture and breakdown of what was once a really close family unit….
All to say that there is no right or wrong way to deal with what you and many others go through and I’m touched by your connection to your dogs…I feel the same as they keep us connected to the present moment…to the now….and to source….and if we can remain connected….to our sense of humour
My goodness, Helen, that was emotional. Thank you for that, what an experience first thing in the morning to wake up to. Not sure if I have mentioned it but Fran was trained as a ballerina from a very young age, sadly the reason for her obvious lack of general education now, but I don’t think she ever danced classically professionally, her career, short as it was due to early marriage and babies (not to me), seemed confined to circus and stage performances such as pantomimes etc.
Her mother was a typical show business ‘pusher’. Fran, the youngest of 3 sisters, ballet, the next one up, piano and the eldest was a singer. Only her favourite, brother Tom, was spared. She and he were very close, a typical big brother/baby sister relationship and he was the one with his large family who was allied with Fran and hers when divisions occurred in later life.
You have set me thinking though. maybe music may touch a chord ( ) with her too, though not from this laptop. I’ll have to investigate.
An update on her diet. As has been said she eats very little and the Fortimel she is prescribed is probably keeping her alive, though not very active. Up to now we have always specified the liquid, but 2 days ago when I went to get her month’s supply. our chemist was still shut so I went to the other one at the top of the village. They didn’t have enough liquid in stock, but instead of taking what they have and returning the next day for a special order, I agreed to make it up with the cream variety. What a revelation. It is thick and tastes like custard and she took the whole thing on her cake for pudding last night. Normally I put the unfinished can back in the fridge and she never achieves the 2 a day she is supposed to take. This may be a game changer, as long as she approves of the other flavours of course.
She finished at around 11.30pm shortly before my efforts to move her towards bathroom and toilet, this after sitting down at the table at 8pm. She does eat glacially slowly and I have to keep tapping the plate to remind her to eat and, that isn’t always well received if she still has food in her mouth without her jaws moving. Partly my fault too because I leave it for a long time before presenting her with pudding to make sure she eats as much of the main course as possible. That then produces a puzzled look on her face when she asks ‘which bed am I going to tonight?’ and a reluctance to go to the bathroom first sometimes. The most extreme example of that is a few days ago when she refused point blank to leave the table and indeed spent the whole night there.
Anyway, back to working out how to get some music to her ears.
What I have done just now is switch to Classic FM, something I haven’t done for years but, as the radio is on all day while I am doing other things, maybe the background of music instead of speech might have a beneficial effect.
) with her too, though not from this laptop. I’ll have to investigate. 