I need help

General Discussion
61

Margaret
I live quite a long way from you in the Tarn east of Toulouse but if I can help in anyway please contact me. My husband is French and so is a useful source of advice Re red tape etc. You are in a horrible place right now but are not alone

62

Thank you to you all you have been so kind to me. My French neighbours are being just wonderful talking to the undertakers the Marie etc. etc.

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63

Sincere condolences Margaret

What very sad news , I am so sorry for you, please do not hesitate if you need help, although I see there are many offers out there :heart:

Please take care , lots of love and special thoughts xxxxxx

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Maggie,I just wish I were closer to be able to help you more. I can assure you you will cope whatever you may think but it will take time.People say ‘time heals’ it doesn’t but it allows a distance to install between you and the pain and that makes it bearable and ,eventually,you will be able to think of all the times you spent together with positive emotions and even laughter.All that is fine: now you must call on the couple of ‘true friends’ and ask for their help.Inside you is Maggie the individual ,the person your husband fell in love with,you do exist outside of your couple it’s just that you’ve been very joined together. Never hesitate to contact me,my fond regards,Penny

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65

That’s a lovely post Penny and so true.

Margaret, your grief is still very raw and I know it feels like you will not survive it right now but you will. I promise you will. The rawness will subside and you will learn to live with it and eventually life will be good again.

Please try to take the help offered to you. Cherish your close friends and let them look after you.

Take care.

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I have never liked to ask for help in the past but I think maybe this time I will have to. I just dont see how I am going to get through the funeral tomorrow saying goodbye forever.

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I know Margaret, it will be a horrendous day for you. But you will not be alone and you must accept the support people want to give. You will go on after this even though it seems impossible right now.

You don’t know me and have no reason to trust what I say but, I promise you faithfully and from my heart that you will get through this.

Don’t try be strong just yet, cry and scream and stamp your feet if you need to.

Please keep talking on here, there are lots of people who want to support you.

I send my warmest wishes x

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68

Margaret, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you today.

If you feel you want to then please let us know how today was for you.

All best wishes xx

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69

Hello Maggie just a quick word to make sure you’re ok.I do hope you’ve got your friends with you.Keep strong,kind regards,Penny

70

Maggie,please let me have news.I am thinking of you,fond regards,Penny

71

Well the cremation has been done. I hope to get Gordon’s ashes Tomorrow but I am only allowed to keep them for 2 weeks and the he will be in the colombierium think thats how it is spelt, it is a lovely garden and his urn will be buried there with a plaque containing his name etc.

I just don’t see the reason to get up in the morning or do anything, gordon is not with me and we did every thing together.

Maggie

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Life sucks, I am lost without Gordon as I explained there was only the two of us no close family and a couple of friends, since Friday I have been on my own, maybe for the better as all i am doing is crying.

Maggie

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You can do exactly as you like with the ashes, they can go in the columbarium but you can also have them and sign a bit of paper for them, there is no checking-up or any penalty for doing something unforeseen by the law.

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74

Actually Vero


The law of 2008 has placed restrictions on what one can do 
 (rather complicated)
which is why the Garden of Remembrance has come into being for “scattering”
 and the Columbarium for “guarding”
 in more and more Communes throughout France. Both offer a gentle/pleasant spot
which folk find helpful/acceptable.

75

Yes, they have this legislation in place BUT there is no checking process nor is there provision for any penalty in case someone does something different.

You just sign a paper to relieve the crematorium of any responsibility.

I say this as someone who has an urnful of ashes on top of a dresser in her kitchen, while I think what next, which is technically illegal.

See this article for a very clear explanation!

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76

A couple of years ago we went to Paris to assist Matt ( my French partner’s son) with the ceremony for his mother. She was cremated, Matt collected the urn and gave it to his father to bring down to the countryside. Some months later Matt came down and he and his father scattered her ashes in a place of Matts choosing in the garden. They planted a Cherry tree there that is doing nicely even during the drought ! :slight_smile:

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77

I was told I ould only have his ashes for two weeks and then he will be buried in the columbarium;

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I think the intention (albeit tacit ) is for you to remove some or all of the ashes to do what you want with them and then return the rest for burial

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79

Hi Margaret
 yes, that is standard procedure. The urn with his ashes will be buried with great care
 :relaxed:

80

You do exactly what suits YOU best
so follow Vero’s advice if that’s what you want. It’s so important that you are able to grieve in a way that is meaningful to you.

I really feel for you, and have much sympathy for being plunged into this situation so suddenly. You will find a way through, so give yourself time. But do look after yourself too, so remember to eat and drink in this hot weather.

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