Add the next couple of lines to the SFN "50 Shades of Grey"...
The rules are simple:
The innuendo needs to have a French theme and you score extra points for mentioning something that is directly related to SFN. And innuendo rather than overtly hard core please!
Here is the opening paragraph:
She gazed longingly at the baguettes. How long had it been? Still, her wheat allergy had put paid to enjoying anything like as satisfying as a good, firm baguette for several months now. The last time had been with Jean-Louis.
She brought herself back to the present. No more memories. She would go home, eat supper and get back to posting on SFN. Thank goodness she'd joined Knitter, Natter, Stitch and Chatter. Crocheting a pair of restraints was the perfect way to pass the long winter evenings. Suddenly......
At that very moment the door was thrown abruptly open. On the threshold, new cleaver in hand, stood the the dining moment, the force, the Catharine! All of the Jean-something-or-others, by now cloning fast stood there in front of the tarts. Catharine, arched her eyebrow and said "Smith, member?". The Tadcaster man looked around nervously, the sight of all the baguettes made him dizzy. "No", he said, voice a quaver. "do it, and welcome to the network - we hope you find it useful. Please don't forget to upload a photograph of yourself to your profile -- so NOT your cat...", said the cleaver bearing online Amazon!
Dun,t thi know lass? Ahm John Smith from Tadcaster and ahm 'ere to see if us bakers can liase, both sides ut Channel. Dus’t tha think it’d boost sales if ah gorrints shop winda wi thee, and shoved a baguette between tha buns?
All the while, the Japanese man, WanTonHo, had finished with the letter R and moved on to S, and was inexorably drawn to writing E, then X-ed them both, and watched Catharine assess the stranger.
The door of the boulangerie burst open.....in walked a stranger.....Ee oop folks....I'm John Smith....just moved t'village...was wonderin, like...what folk get oop to in these ere parts? all the "Jean's' looked at each other in wonderment...who was this exotic stranger....Catharine came out from the back room having dealt with Daniel who she found cowering in the dog house....'Well hello' she said....'And who do we have here.....?'
Typical of somebody of Japanese origin to want something extra, she thought.
Meanwhile, at the boulangerie, Jean-Pierre, Jean-Paul, Jean-Marie and Jean-Louis had been joined by Jean-Michel and Jean-Arnaud. They were all staring at tarts, drooling.
It was one of those days. James was in it up to there, the dog was in the doghouse (poor Freud), Catharine had just bought a new meat cleaver and something had to go. She headed for the boulangerie, perhaps it was the French lads whose minds were on tarts who had to go. Daniel the baker saw her approaching. He hid behind the baguette baskets.
The Japanese man in the backroom was still practising the letter R.
Freud happened to be the name of their very sombre, long eared dog. He just loved sticks, he could chew on one for hours. Now cream and baguettes were another story entirely...
She was a practical kind of gal (how else could she survive, alone in rural France) so realising that yet again, her needs would remain unsatisfied, she fired up her trusty ipad and logged onto SFN. That didn't help. Yet again, Mr Milne and Ms Small were at it in the chat room and she knew she needed to take her mind off her terrible yearnings.
There was only one thing for it. She grasped her large (power) tool in her hands and started to assemble her Conforama flat packed coffee table. As the drill throbbed in her eager hands, she fantasised about just who she would invite to christen the new coffee table once it was erect. Would it be Rene? Or Marcel? Both wore berets which she had always found a huge turn on but only Marcel sported the blue overalls that so perfectly outlined his firm, taut young thighs....
It was enormous....coffee coloured with a fine scent of confectionary sugar...with trepidation, she poked it gently, the firm outer belied the soft chewiness underneath....'Oh my!' she exclaimed....as she swooped down and took a huge bite, she lifted her head and her mouth was generously scattered with the cream and meringue mixture....a smile spread across her face as she went in for another, large bite....
suck on some.....ice cubes......till we can feel our mouth and tongues again....ive bought a little something for 'afters' he whispered, her heart was beating fast.....'what?' she panted....she was holding the back of the chair to keep her balance, she was feeling so heady......
Her legs almost buckled under her as she gazed at the vision standing before her. He was hot. Steaming hot. Literally. She could see steam escaping from the lid of the Pyrex dish he held in his manly arms. "Wow" she gasped feeling her breathing quicken at the thought of what lay ahead.
"I brought extra chilli flakes if you want to spice things up a little" he drawled. "And then later, we can.....
She gasped, not because of the handsome man at her door...but because behind him stood the two Jean's...looking jealous and confused.....'Mon Dieu' retorted Jean-Arnaud....I thought I was your sugar dumpling! 'Pah' exclaimed Jean-Marie....what have you got to offer her other than a stale baguette...I give her my home made saucisson fresh daily..... James turned around...'Gentlemen, I think the lady is looking for something only I can provide (in France anyway) something much hotter and spicier than either of you could manage....
