I know my ex-h would be gobsmacked to read your comments, Brian. But you are spot on.
Funnily enough I can remember exactly what it was like to be 10 upwards and I respect my boys as individuals and people, always have done.
spot on!
OK Carol and Andrew, the book I am finishing is on children as citizens, the fact they are people with duties, responsibilities, rights and privileges is overlooked because until they are 'adults' from one day to the next at point X (i.e. 18 in as far as people actually accept that) they are not entirely treated as equal human beings. My second thesis was on that and I have worked on the topic for some years since and know what? Apart from the scholarly conclusions I shall publish in the next year or so, I have concluded that by and large we are all fairly clueless when it comes to figuring out that our kids are our equals some learning steps behind us and we have very quickly forgotten that we were once exactly as they are...
yep, qualified teacher and I agree there, I did have limited training about all the various problems kids have but way short of even touching on psycholgy etc. Pedagogy yes but that's about it ;-)
Quite, all about using all this technology to good ends - even if those ends are having a bit of peace and quiet! Friend's eldest is downs too but too early to know how things will pan out, she's just had her second so that should add some stimulus which she doesn't otherwise have as they're farmers and nothing much ever happens at their place.
I saw a short video clip on one of the newspaper websites...maybe New York Times..a child of 5 or 6....beauty queen pagent attender...who has given it all up to become a philanthropist..helping children around the world..she was slathered in make up...drinking 'juju juice' some stimulant these mums use to make their kids perky and cute...and totally false and unpleasant...spoilt to within an inch of her life...with a parent sitting next to her as proud as punch...I think Andrew spot on....kids are little people...you need to help them find their way in the world..and you cant do that by denying them all the things other kids get...spending time as Barbara said is the most important..but, as with the teachers..you need to know that an important part of parenting is helping them ease into the world and keep apace with other kids...here endeth the sermon....!
Woah, do not put teachers and psychology in the same bag. In fact, as I have found worldwide it is actually not as commonas people imagine to find teachers who understand children. They mostly do education in full classroms, which is what they are trained for.
:-D
DS is friend and enemy, along with wii and other technology. Both have been Skyping since they could speak, telephone is used condenscendingly (unless it is a mobile/smart phone). Our older is Down Syndrome but do not believe the delays penetrate the degree of technology she uses (OK, look up mosaic down and you'll see it is not as people expect down to be...). She has difficulties with reading and writing, but a friend has made a DS chip for me and now she is quickly learning French and English reading and writing is doing really well, so can we complain? If that is spoiled then up with spoiling.
I just use a word beginning with f, followed by it, to myself and sometimes whack the ball on the tennis practice thing a bit harder... works better than fighting it for me.
Very true Carol and believe me even in la France profonde with TV and all other forms of communications the kids know exactly what they want, my youngest will be three next month and he already wants a DS "pour tuer les méchants" his words not mine after watching his older cousin using his (he lives on BIL's farm in the middle of nowhere - believe me parts of the Aveyron can be far more remote and rural than the Dordogne ={:-O
We're two teachers who want to educate our kids properly but we've also seen the kind of kids you talk about and they always end up rebelling against what their parents impose and get a bad start in life when the aim is a good one...! as I said to Brian, "go with the flow" but everything in moderation ;-)
actually they are lovely people! christians..caring...involved in community...gave the kids lots of time...took them out a lot (nature walks etc)...made them aware of how important it was to care for others.....they had what I would call old fashioned sensibilities....and they really did invest a lot of time with their kids...which I guess underlines the point...its not all about family...kids and adults have to re-act to the community around them and kids dont cope well with being 'different' its safer to be part of the crowd...till they get to the stage of being confident in their own skins...
Obviously they hadn't grasped that moderation is the best way to go. As it is, they do sound mean and horrible without any understanding of child psychology which is strange for 2 teachers.
Yes Brian, and to try and "fight it" is like trying to stop the tide, a lot easier turning round and going with the flow, but I admit it's easier said than done at times ;-)
We lived in a small cul de sac (in the UK) with two teachers for the deaf...they had two children of their own and were determined they would not be spoilt...they had no tv...only an old fashioned radio...kids didnt get sweets..pocket money...much in the way of toys..couldnt choose clothes etc....well...you guessed it...they went to school...compared and wondered why the hell they had such mean horrible parents...one became a school avoider..and developed lots of mental health problems...and today as a 22 year old can only relate to 'older people she told me I was one ofher best friends..I was 53 she was 18...son was quiet..reserved..never brought friends home...and was married as a first year uni student and never needed to go home again. I know this is one weird example...but all parents start out saying..no spoiling, no sweets, minimal toys...but kids suffer with huge peer pressure..and if you bring your child up differently...they will be picked on in school..I think this is where the back of beyond French schools are different to the UK ones...you can never be the back of beyond in the UK..there is always that label pressure...got to have Nikes...or whatever...afraid you will always be between a rock and a hard place...thank goodness mine are grown up!
Right Sarah and Andrew, that's why I feel my two are bloody hopeless, spoiled little brats at times too. In truth times change and so do people, just some people will not have it that that's what happens.
very well said Sarah, my OH is constantly telling me our kids aren't spoilt when I moan that she's buying them even more presents (that they don't need in my opinion because we're falling over all the old ones!) but I guess that's the price of progress and there's nothing about being French or British here - mine and all their cousins and friends are French and it's just the same here as it is with my nieces and nephews in the UK!
My great grandmother once told me her daughter was ungrateful and spoiled
Her daughter (my gran) once told me my mum was ungrateful and spoiled
My mum frequently told me my bro and I that we were ungrateful and spoiled
And last Thursday over dinner I told my OH that his kids are ungrateful and spoiled (for example they go online to find out how much their presents cost, kick up a stink if they don't consider the price high enough and OH/MIL then trot off to Jouet Club to ease their consciences and buy them more toys, hence they 'feed the monster')
I have come to the theory that each generation compares their hardships with the younger generation and often come to the conclusion that the younger generation has it easier.....I know I am sometimes guilty of this
No doubt my step children will one day tell their kids that they are ungrateful and spoiled.........
well said Carol, there's good and bad everywhere and as we've said before like must be compared to like ;-)
For the record, a couple of my french nièces are just as spoilt, if not more so, than my English ones...!
I second that! I, as a single renovating female, Have to show up at their home to get them to work....
I think it's a complete lack of respect and professionalism. (They'd never last 2 seconds in the film industry, where I come from... ) Tho' once I show them my 'CV', they seem to get in line a bit....
WHY do we have to put up with this....If it's a 'male' thing, just because one has a 'member' does not mean he can swing a hammer... In fact I'm quite disappointed in the male a species in this respect...why do they feel no need to 'walk their talk'??? :[