SF Discussions - Why can't we all get on a little better?


(Mark Rimmer) #121

I get your point, Terry, & I often compose replies that I do not post. It makes me feel better but does not offend.
I can also understand that the truth is not always in everyone’s best interest - when one’s wife asks “does my bum look big in this dress?” then it is a good idea to think hard before replying. There are times though that not answering someone’s question accurately or to leave out details could have ramifications later.
If asked that, as a french resident, it is permitted to drive a UK registered car with no tax or MOT for years I would respond. If another post then said that it is because “I have 3 cars & have been doing it for years” then this would have to be replied to. Likewise when such posts include phrases such as " it is perfectly legal to…" when I know that it isn’t. Sometimes it is difficult to reply without inferring “you’re an idiot” especially when their own post has confirmed that they are!
Sometimes, on less vital but heartfelt discussions it can become obvious that your point is being missed & to continue to try & clarify it will not work then, yes, it is best to let it go.

(Peter Bird) #122

There are many ways to kill a cat.
If someone was to say something like “I’m having trouble integrating into French life and I can’t be bothered to learn French” (which has been said to me over the decades) then one is tempted to respond with " Well sod off back to the UK then" or, one could say “That’s a pity because you are missing out so much on the treasures of French culture” etc etc. Which leads me to ask the question is is right to say what you feel and upset people or play safe and try to be polite ?

(Barbara Deane) #123

And there is only one way to be tolerant and understanding and that is by stepping of the high horse of judgment and try to accept that each person is different.
I have been through this before but I will say it again… not every one has good concentration and able to learn languages…

And to some of you on here you feel “well this person should not have bothered to come to France”,
So a way forward for all of us on here is to cut out the judgment of other people and then we are
just left with facts and ideas.
In the past I have noticed that posters had questioned my reasoning and been unwilling to accept my answers. There should be no need for that.
What I feel is logical for me …is, infact logical for me!
If I feel that a life in the country side of France demands a car for transportation…then that is something which I have considered and registered as a requirement.
Just an example.

(Barbara Deane) #124

Peter what ever you do…please do not kill a cat!

(Harry Fawcett) #125

always takes me back to the pizza shop where a guy walks in says “good evening” and proceeds to order a pizza in English, I helped him order his pizza, i asked him in my best possible french accent English is he enjoying his holiday to which he replied, Holiday? Ive lived here for over 5 years, to which I replied and you cant even order a pizza in french??? I dont have to i’m part of the English community,

This is a very regular occurrence.

@Mark_Rimmer yes I know a few folks who’s insurance companies ave told them to change their insurance and they ignore it and they all know that its 1 month to change the plates but don’t, know another car running on UK plates, no tax no MOT but with a ct on it and he has done it for years knowing full well its not legal.

(Harry Fawcett) #126

I hear that Barbara but i think its referring to those that simple choose to not bother. I know a family of 6 who’s kids speak french now but the adults “get by” so don’t bother with french lessons.

I’m tri dyslexic but understand most french as my brain can translate french to English but often it struggle to put English in my mind into french in my voice. I still when I go onto shops insist on them speaking french to me, one shop i struggled every week fr 6 month til lone day he said “tell me in English” I did not even know he spoke English, id never asked. I see them every week nearly as its our local garage and i always use my french or try to, for me its not so much the doing it but trying it. You can tell the ones who try and the one who dont want to bother apart from a mile away. You Barbara strike me as a person who works hard at using french.

(Barbara Deane) #127

Yes I do try hard at using the French language except when I am pushed into an uncomfortable corner.
Some of my best friends here are French and one of them teaches English to French people and she makes me feel bad when I talk to her in French. It has always been that way even when we were
friends in London.

(David Martin) #128

Barbara, when your friend makes you feel bad does she think that she is helping you?

(Jane Jones) #129

That made me laugh. One of our good friends here is a French professor, and sometimes her face is a picture of pain when I mangle my french. It’s great tho’ as we have agreed she can correct my french with delicacy. So occasionally there is a quiet whisper behind me like having a good french fairy on my shoulder…

(David Martin) #130

Harry, when you use the term tri dyslexic do you mean that you have trouble in three areas; word recognition, spelling and decoding, or is it something else?

(Barbara Deane) #131

She thinks all sorts of things she is very difficult,

(Barbara Deane) #132

she is always telling her husband what do

(Carol Lokocki) #133

Since I have been in France all these years I have been mocked for my English accent and for the way I spoke in general even told go back to England your place isn’t here.On top of that when I visited England my family spent their time saying you have got a French accent. You just can’t win, can you?To say I am rather proud of my English jane Birkin accent, and i dont want to lose it. So never never give up. (Winston Churchill) and surely another famous person said the same phrase

(Anna Watson) #134

In my early days here, once at the end of a long and involved phone conversation with a lady at the tax office I thanked her for being so patient and apologised for my accent, as you do, and she said politely, Your accent is charming, you sound just like Jane Birkin. I said, Ah but you’ve just been looking at my tax records so you know I don’t make quite as much money out of my accent as she made from hers; which she had to agree was very very true, and we ended the call in fits of giggles.

(Barbara Deane) #135

not so much my accent which is the problem.

(Harry Fawcett) #136

sorry you have been targeted to go home. I personally have never had anyone say that to my face.

One old boy in Trie sur baise often corrected my pronouncing the towns name and much to his horror and to other peoples delight i used to reply it with more emphasis on the English of trie sur baizzzzeeee, he gave up in the end, i can never get that z and when it do it makes people laugh.

ive just spend 20 minutes in a shop which for my wife in french would have taken 5 minutes but i got it sorted in the end and in french too. (i did stop to let 2 other customers be served) I did get a bravo from an old boy in the shop when i finished too.

Yes i hear that I even forget simple things like chien et chat when under pressure or backed into a corner or hit a bump and my mind just goes blank. After that my mind just cannot get back into french. That will be your dyslexia too Barbara that causes it id imagine.

Sometimes people just cant help but do it I think. Gld your friendship has survived it though

(Barbara Deane) #137

Harry she is like my French sister!
But she has said some nasty things!
We did fall out for a few years and have recently been very
friendly again.
We both love animals.
She prefers UK and I France.
Yes the dyslexia…of sorts is a pain and has stopped me from
learning to drive, reading maps, choreography following and writing
a book.

(Terry Williams) #138

My wife – French – was always embarrassed because a teacher once told her she spoke every language with a southern French accent. So she was reluctant to use her English and the smattering of Spanish and Italian she has. Then someone said “If people understand what you’re saying, who cares what accent you have”. Problem sorted! Which doesn’t stop Parisians et al saying constantly “Tu n’es pas d’ici, hein?” which makes her furious.

(Barbara Deane) #139

My cats are French and they understand my English and my French.

(David Martin) #140

I was wondering what your friend did Barbara because I have a friend who corrects my French as I go along, a bit like an echo. It is something that we do and it has helped me a lot but other friends have said that it sounds as though I’m being criticised all of the time.