Where's me Balloon?

sounds like a very sage (and onion) man if he did

did he not take flight with Boe Zuckley?

not Robin Bastard?

"they've all got it in fa' me, I'm awa oot o' here."

We certainly know the rest of the legend: The first ever asylum seeker in history was a Scot who turned up in Berkshire with a bow and arrows, large sack made of slithery orange fabric full of condoms. For his contribution to the noble tradition of wenching practiced by aristocrats, there being no further population explosion after hunting season and the word bastard was now only being used in one direction, the wee ane was made governor of Hibernia.

Newsflash: Basket of Berks seen flying over the Chanel in a Giant green Balloon, what's going on? is it rag week.....Pantless Scot seen scurrying across meadows in Normandy...persused by hoards, clearly chafed....infamy infamy.....you know the rest

The Hawks are here! Lock up your Balloons!

better warn celeste who is, I suspect, getting similar looks from OH or equivalent to yours truly from mine for the the not very sane chuckles emitted from this room!

looks like this Post has been shot down in flames, mind you more serious things to be contemplated..'we' have nothing to loose

me three!

always fancied her Düsenjäger!

saucy!

Loopy Lou's had a good gander, this is what they got so far....

I'm a little balloon and I get puffed up
squeeze me and bend me it's never enough
Put your lips around me, blow me up
but if you prick me I will pop

I'm a little balloon full and firm
here is my aft and here is my stern
Here's my lips and here's my hose
put me down or I will burst

If you prick me I will burst

It's all Greek to me, bleeding Double Dutch I'll see If McClaren can shed a little light on the procedings

Aaaaargh, the Huns have arrived, the Nena division are attacking - put troops on red alert and scramble fighter jets to intercept, call Carlo Karges for advice:

Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Und dass so was von so was kommt

99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
Hielt man für Ufos aus dem All
Darum schickte ein General
'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher
Alarm zu geben, wenn es so wär
Dabei war'n da am Horizont
Nur 99 Luftballons

99 Düsenjäger
Jeder war ein großer Krieger
Hielten sich für Captain Kirk
Das gab ein großes Feuerwerk
Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht
Dabei schoss man am Horizont
Auf 99 Luftballons

99 Kriegsminister -
Streichholz und Benzinkanister -
Hielten sich für schlaue Leute
Witterten schon fette Beute
Riefen Krieg und wollten Macht
Mann, wer hätte das gedacht
Dass es einmal soweit kommt
Wegen 99 Luftballons

99 Jahre Krieg
Ließen keinen Platz für Sieger
Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr
Und auch keine Düsenflieger
Heute zieh' ich meine Runden
Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen

And that is the best defence - well except for a longbow

Brian, some pimply yoof has just burst into HQ clutching this note, it's all in code...the lads at Bletchley are working shifts, they just can't crack it, Maldoon's face is glowing like a red ballooon, looks like he's going to erupt at any second, he is a bit of an enigma, as you know, but this one has him stumped! it's just not cricket ol' chap

As-tu un peu de temps pour moi ?
Alors je te chanterais une chanson
Sur 99 ballons
En chemin pour leur horizon
Peut-être penses-tu justement à moi ?
Alors je te chanterai une chanson
Sur 99 ballons
Et comment tout ça arriva

any ideas bro?

mais non, ee 'as stolen a balloon and escaped a berkshire! not only that but I soospect ee ees a dirty barstard because ee 'as also stolen all ze condoms in Condom! eef it was not for ze pesky archers we would send a balloon patrouille after 'im. ee was seen standing beside ze river Baïse doing something per'aps eet ees poisoned or ee was 'aving a baise wiz eet. In eizer case eet may be zat we are, as the Anglais say, fooked! there may be many scarlet pimples about all of armagnac. I soogest we follow ze route de st jacques in ze direction of berkshire but also send some delegues to st jacques de compost heap to pray for us! check the museum of ze famous population-control devices to see what else zis berk 'as purloined! there may be scarlet pimples everywhere...

ee iz ze Scarlet Pimple perheps!

enter, hercule poirot with moustache guards for fear of bursting ballons, condoms and worse... the hunt for the missing berk is on. tally-ho, tally-ho, here comes the berkeley hunt!

The three bald men being held at Condom gendarmerie are now all claiming to be called Berk and claim a true blue lineage which can be traced back to the Bishop of Metz and deny any association with a ballon bursting outlaw from Nottingham, although they did ask for a break in at the John Player factory to be taken into account. The deputy sheriff's wife has been appointed maiden chaperone for all of the city, the deputy is nolonger smiling. The sheriff has commissioned a new sculpture for the city square named 'three dying balloons' which is already being known informally as the 'three knocked up lasses'. It consists of three large round semi-globes. The mayor is said to have be so pleased by the design that he took over the deputy sheriff's duties to the last virgin, closed his eyes, thought of France and is now thinking of having a fourth round semi-globe added to the planned sculpture.

the deputy sheriff felt much aggrieved that this had all happened on his day off saying he was as dutiful as his boss. three bald men found in front of a small bonfire singing the theme to robin hood very loudly have been detained for questioning.

In a statement from the Sheriff we see that on account of loud pops frightening the maidens, he advised them to throw their dresses over their heads. In true DSK style he gave evidence that it was not his fault. He claims he was so shocked that he closed his eyes, his trousers had fallen down as he stumbled about and occasionally he seems to have got stuck somewhere by a rather delicate bit of his anatomy that was rigid with fear. He had to push, pull and wiggle it about until it relaxed, only to find the same happening again. A fourth maiden, known as the pot ugliest lass in Condom has issued a statement claiming he deliberately avoided stumbling into her...